I needed to do it alone. If I was going to move on and bury my demons once and for all, this was the first stop and hopefully the last. I didn’t call before I came back here on Honey’s advice. No need to give a warning or time to prepare an excuse; I simply walked up to the door.

“Khalil,” she said, shocked to see me.

“Can I come in? I’d like to talk to you.”

Frannie took the lock off of the screen and said, “Of course.” She opened the door and when our eyes met she seemed a little misty. “I’m so glad you came back. I haven’t stopped thinking about you since you left.”

She led me into the living room where I took a seat and then she immediately began trying to offer me food and drink. I accepted a Sprite. I’d been craving them lately. She came back with the soda, a cup of ice, and an envelope. “Here’s the money you left here. I was going to keep it until I saw you again.”

“What made you think you’d see me again?”

“I prayed on it. I prayed really hard on it.” I nodded my head for lack of a response. “So, Khalil, what made you come today?”

“I don’t know why today. I just wanted to share something with you. There’s something that I need to say in order to move on before I get married.”

“You’re getting married?” she asked with a huge smile appearing on her face coupled with the misty eyes again. “God is good.”

“Yes. Honey and I are going to Hawaii next week to be married.”

“I’ve been once. Which island?”

“Oahu.”

“That’s going to be beautiful. Are her parents going?”

“Her mother is deceased and she doesn’t know her father.” Her face showed a quick hint of regret for asking. “She and I have a lot in common when it comes to bad parental backgrounds.”

She held her head down. “I’m sorry,” Frannie said. I looked into her eyes and saw the same woman I loved so much when I was a child. The only differences in her now were the beginnings of crow’s-feet in the corners of her eyes and the gray strands in her thick, black hair.

“Frannie, I came here today to let you know that I forgive you. I’ve been to therapy to overcome the things that happened to me when I was growing up. I blocked so many things out but it wasn’t until recently that I remembered what you did…” I cleared my throat. “I remembered what you did to me.”

She tilted her head to the side, looking puzzled. “You went to therapy?”

“Yes. And it took me a long time to get to this point, but I accept that it happened and I forgive you. I forgive you.”

“Khalil, you don’t know how long I waited to hear you say that to me. I haven’t ever forgiven myself. I don’t know why I did it.” She broke down and began to sob. “I’m soooo sorry,” she cried out as her chest began to heave.

I sat there unsure of what to say. The best I came up with was “Did you ever think about getting some help?”

“Help? What can I do about it now? I knew that I shouldn’t have left you, that I should have stayed or taken you with me. I should have protected you.”

“Say what?”

“I should have taken you with me. I shouldn’t have left you. It has haunted me all these years, the image of you and the look on your face when I took you back to the home.”

“Frannie, is that what you are apologizing for?”

“Yes, and I don’t know how to let you know how much…”

I cut her off. “That’s not what I’m talking about. Yeah, that hurt too, but I’m not talking about that when I say I forgive you.”

She stopped crying and wiped her eyes and simply stared at me. “Then what?”

“I’m talking about you…” I clenched my teeth as the anger seethed. “I’m talking about you molesting me. In my room.”

She jumped out of her seat as if her ass had been set afire. “Khalil, I did no such thing. Is that what you remember?” Her tone was so strong without being defensive. She went on. “Is that what you think I did?”

“Yes.”

She shook her head and said, “Lord Jesus, help us. Help this child. Khalil, I never did anything to harm you. I would never have done anything like that to you.”

“But…I remember…”

“No, Khalil. You don’t remember that. Think back to that night when I came home late from work and I was looking for your father, the night I walked into your room and caught him…” Now it was her turn to lose control. Her hands began to tremble. “Your father molested you. I caught him and we fought all night. He was drunk and he did that to you.”

She might as well have driven a sword into my chest as the words she spoke cut deeply into my soul. I looked into her eyes and as she gazed back at me I knew she was telling the truth. I remembered.

“Khalil, there are some things I need to tell you.”

I sat on her couch and listened for the next twenty minutes as my life unraveled right before me.

Even though it was pouring down raining, I made it from Philadelphia to the George Washington Bridge in record time. Frannie had tried to calm me as I thanked her and stormed out of her house. She knew where I was headed. I didn’t call Honey until I reached my old building.

“Baby, I love you,” I said as I cried.

“What’s wrong, Khalil?” she asked in a panic. “I knew I should have come. Tell me what’s wrong.”

“Honey, I’m sorry. But I have to do this. He has to die.”

“Who has to die? What are you talking about?”

I was crying. “It wasn’t Frannie who did that to me first. It was my father, or let me say the man who I thought was my father. Kevin Graves was not my father. My father and mother were killed in a car accident. Kevin was my uncle and it was his wife that was a drug addict, not my mother. He lied to me, Honey.” I was rocking back and forth like Dustin Hoffman did in Rain Man. “I have to go.”

“Khalil…” I heard her calling my name as I hung the phone up. I stepped out of the truck into the rain. In my mind I visualized the murder. I was going to drag him from the house and toss him down the steps, or I’d strangle him. I knew that Rikers was in my near future, but as much as I loved Honey, I couldn’t control the anger that had become my entire spirit.

I banged on the door like the NYPD. Perhaps I could get a temporary insanity. I banged some more until a “Who is it?” came from the other side.

“It’s Khalil.”

“Khalil who?”

I banged again and a woman opened up. “Where is Kevin?”

The woman looked familiar but I couldn’t place her. She said, “I know you. You Kevin’s boy. I recognize you. I used to live up the hall. Daaaamn, baby. The last time I saw you, you was a little thing. Look at you now all grown up and shit.”

My recollection became clear. It was Tenille’s lover from up the hall. I felt sick on my stomach. “I’m looking for Kevin.”

“Are you serious? You ain’t on no drugs or nothing, are you?”

“Do I look like I’m on drugs?”

“Hell no. You look fine as hell, but looks can be deceiving.”

“Well, no. I’m not on anything. I just want to see Kevin.” My tone was low and I’m sure threatening.

“Sugar, I don’t know how to say this, but you about three months too late. Kevin passed away in June. I took over this apartment and he didn’t leave much of anything.”

I backed away from the door, wanting to punch a hole in the wall, but as mad as I was, I knew that I would have broken every bone in my hand.

She began to speak but I turned and walked away. With the knowledge that I had escaped a twenty-year sentence, my rage melted as I walked slowly through the pouring rain back to my vehicle.

I drove home, listening to an oldies CD as I tried to digest everything that had happened to me during the course of the day. By the time I got off of the turnpike I’d all but figured out that my life had been cursed. I had so many questions but no strength to seek the answers.

I crossed the Delaware Memorial Bridge and cruised back into Maryland before I even decided to call Honey and let her know that I was okay. When I picked my phone up, there were thirty missed calls from her phone and Frannie’s number.

When I called her phone she answered, “Baby, please tell me you’re okay.”

“Yes, I’m okay. I’m headed home.” Then I heard a voice in the background. “Who is that?”

“Baby, I’m at Frannie’s house. She and I were headed to New York. I called her and she told me what happened. I raced up here. I was so scared you were going to do something that…”

“Well, I guess God beat me to it. Kevin died a few months ago.”

“Oh my goodness,” she cried out.

“The whole thing is like a sick joke.”

“I’m coming home. I’m going to get in the car and I’ll meet you at the house. Are you okay?”

“I don’t know. I just don’t know if I can take much more. I just want to go bury my head under a pillow. Can we talk about it when you get home?”

“Yes, we can. I’ll see you in a little while. I love you. Drive safe.”

“I will. You too.”

I needed a drink and fast, so I slammed on the pedal in an attempt to bend time and make it home in a matter of minutes.

The last forty minutes were the longest but finally I pulled up to the gate and hit the remote. I prepared to turn into the driveway, only to be cut off by a strange vehicle. The car had come from thirty yards down the street. I wasn’t scared, only curious as to why the car pulled slowly up to me. We were adjacent to the drive, so I couldn’t pull around them and into the gate. I stood still and waited; our windows both now down as we locked eyes.

“I know we haven’t met formally, but I feel like I already know you. Khalil, there are some things that you need to know about Honey. After you hear them, trust me, brother, marriage will be the last thing you’ll want to do with her.”