The day I saw Cheron was back in the house with Manny I started hanging out with Tank, but because of my mother I never even thought about letting him drive onto my block. I always went to wherever he was. Tank was different from Manny even though they were both the same age, twenty-one. Tank didn’t seem as intense as Manny and he always wanted to hang out and have fun. On top of that, instead of offering me money to do whatever I pleased, we shopped at the malls together. We spent so much time at Tyson’s II, Montgomery Mall, and Mazza Gallery it almost felt like we lived there.

Tank was so generous that I was having trouble stashing all of the clothes and shoes that he was buying me. He even gave me the money to get a two-way pager that only he had the number to. What amazed me was that he was doing all of this without getting any. I knew it was just a matter of time though and when I looked around my room at all the gifts, I was willing to give in whenever he asked. If Manny didn’t live across the hall I might have forgotten all about him, though strangely, all I saw for the entire time since I’d started seeing Tank was his and Cheron’s door. There hadn’t been a trace of him coming, going, or sitting on the balcony.

This routine of me meeting Tank in the morning, hanging out all day, and then him dropping me off at the corner went on for three weeks before he finally asked me to spend the night with him. I told him I’d try but it might be hard to pull off because of my mother and the tight leash she kept me on. I told him that she’d be out of town for a training class sometime in the next week or two and that I could tell her I planned to stay at Rorrie’s house and sneak out for the night since security was lax on her end. He agreed to wait until I could pull that off but in the meantime the shopping continued as it was until one day I decided to try my hand.

“Tank, I appreciate all the clothes but sometimes I like to shop with my girls. Do you think that you could just give me the money instead?”

He’d laughed. “What’s wrong, you don’t like shopping with me?”

“It’s not that but a girl likes to keep a little change in her pocket so that she can feel independent. Plus, I need to buy some girl things from time to time and it really isn’t all that comfortable to do that with someone else. Get it?”

He nodded. “Honey, I don’t got a problem with that.”

“Cool.” With that I leaned across the seat and gave him a soft, lingering kiss. We were headed back toward my neighborhood after having lunch at his favorite restaurant, Ruth’s Chris Steak House. I had gotten full of the steak and lobster tails and didn’t feel like the trek up the block. I knew my mother would still be at work so I directed Tank to my building for the first time.

When we stopped in front of my building in his all-black Acura coupe I knew all eyes were on us, but the windows were too dark to peer in. I was set to get out when he said, “Honey, hold on for a minute.”

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a wad of cash. I was expecting him to peel something off. Instead he handed the whole thing to me. I said, “Thanks,” as if I had been expecting it. Inside I was ecstatic.

“It’s all good, but do you think I can come in for a second? You said your mom won’t be home till six, right?”

It was only four so I shrugged my shoulders thinking that I might as well get it over with. “Yeah, but only for a minute.”

“Okay,” he replied, all smiles.

We climbed out and I nervously had him follow quickly inside. “Hold on for a minute,” I said and left him at the door. I ran into my room and did a quick inspection. I stuffed the money he gave me into the toe of one of an old pair of rubber boots that I kept in the back of my closet. Then I put my diary away as well as the R. Kelly scrapbook. I didn’t want to seem like a stupid young girl. But when it came to R. Kelly, I was just so into him and his new CD, 12 Play. Secretly I wanted to marry him but at fifteen I was smart enough to know that was simply a fantasy. There was nothing that a teenage girl could do to get the attention of a superstar like him.

Then I took off my skirt and the sleeveless linen top that I had on. Then I called Tank into my room as I pulled the curtains closed. When he walked in I was standing there dressed only in my panties, bra, and the sandals that I’d worn. The look on his face confirmed what I already knew.

He moved toward me and kissed me long and hard. When he pulled away he said, “Honey, you are so damned beautiful. I can’t believe you want me.”

I was puzzled. “Why would you say that? Any girl would like you Tank.”

He shook his head. “Well a lot of girls do, but you…you’re just different. I know most girls like me because of my money, but you could get any man you want with money.”

I smiled at his compliment. “You think so?” I smiled, hoping and truthfully believing he was right.

“Shit yeah. You fine as hell, got a super-sexy body, you dress real fly and your conversation is good. Plus you know how to make a man feel important. When we out, I see all the dudes checking you out. I know they be wishing they could have you.” I was speechless. “But they can’t afford you,” he said, laughing. “You just look like money.” Then he kissed me again as his comments lingered in my mind.

He didn’t have a condom but I let him do it anyway. Unlike Manny, Tank didn’t go down on me first. His piece wasn’t as big as Manny’s either but it was okay. I did the same movements with him that I did with Manny which seemed to be getting Tank really excited.

He started humping really fast which I took as a sign that he was ready to come so I said, “Don’t come in me.”

“Ohhhh, ohhh…shit.” Then he jumped up. “Turn over. I want to hit it from the back,” he commanded. I did and within seconds he was back inside. I had a clear view of the clock on my nightstand. He’d been at it for three minutes already, which was a record for me, when he grunted like a donkey and pulled out, squirting all over my back.

I jumped up and ran to get some toilet tissue as he fell onto his back. I cleaned up and brought him some. As he wiped off he shook his head in disbelief. “Honey, I’m in love with you,” he said out of the blue. I didn’t know what to say. “Did you hear me?” he asked.

“Yeah, I heard you, but I don’t believe you. I think it was just the sex.”

“No, no,” Tank said emphatically. “The sex was great, I mean better than great, but it’s more than that. I never wanted to give anyone my all like I do with you.”

I was getting uncomfortable with the love talk. I liked him, but I was more caught up with the things he was giving me and the power that I seemed to possess over him. “We gonna have to talk later,” I said, pointing to the clock.

“All right, we will.” I rushed him out the door and made sure there were no traces of him in the house.

Once he left, Rorrie came by and we laughed at him and his generosity. We didn’t intend to be malicious it was just the fact that we knew he’d probably been such a dog in the past. Aside from the fact that he wasn’t drop-dead gorgeous, he had all the other trappings of a lady-killer.

I ended up giving Rorrie a hundred dollars so that she could buy an outfit for the Tevin Campbell and Mary J. Blige concert that Tank was taking us to the upcoming weekend.

“Thanks sis,” she said. “Or should I call you Honey.”

“You better call me Honey, ’cause you know it’s sweet.”

“Hell, I only know what you tell me. But from the looks of things, it must be.” She slapped me a high five as we sat Indian-style on the bed.

Tank persisted with the I-love-you talk for two weeks and kept trying to have sex with me without a condom. The second time I let him do it he blasted inside of me and I suspected that he was trying to get me pregnant. His excuse was that it was just too good to pull out.

I decided to put him on ice and stopped calling him and returning his calls. By this time I had over two thousand dollars saved and a shoe box full of telephone numbers that other guys had given me. Rorrie and I been sitting out front laughing about guys when we saw Manny’s Benz pull up. I hadn’t seen him coming or going in over a month, Cheron either. I was a little nervous that she might jump out and start something. I’d lied to Rorrie about my reaction so I knew I’d have to jump bad if she did.

I was relieved when Manny got out alone. I’d forgotten how good he looked as he made his way around the car. He walked toward us, staring me right in the eye.

“Hi, ladies,” he said.

“Hey,” we both said.

He kept it moving and walked straight into the building.

“Daaaaaamn, that man is fine,” Rorrie said once he was inside the building. “What’s up with you keeping it all short with him?”

“I’m not gonna press him,” I said. All the while I was hoping he’d noticed how good I was looking in the tight yellow jeans I was wearing and the sequined Guess tank top.

My heart did a cartwheel, a backflip, and a somersault when he came to the balcony and yelled out my name. “Hailey, come here for a minute.”

“Girl, let me go see what he want. You want to go chill up in my crib?”

“Nah, I’m gonna run home for a minute. I might want to come back and spend the night with you.”

“Cool, I’ll catch up with you later,” I said to my best friend.

“Call me,” she said.

Ten minutes later Manny and I were sitting on the couch as he told me what had been going on. He’d gotten locked up and so had Cheron. It turned out that he had three apartments besides this one that he used to stash drugs. Manny was a drug dealer and Cheron wasn’t even his main girlfriend. In fact, he had a wife, which made my heart sink a bit when he admitted it. Cheron knew about his wife, which was apparently the only reason why she’d gotten over what had happened between us. She’d known all along that she would never be the only one.

I didn’t know why he was telling me all of his business all of a sudden. “I just wanted you to know because I’m planning on moving to Atlanta in a couple of weeks. My wife is pregnant and I need to think about my future. I never planned on staying in this game too long.”

As he talked I could see the fear on his face. “So are you going to jail?” I asked.

“No. My lawyer is great and the charges against me were dropped. Cheron, unfortunately though, she might have to do a little time if things don’t work out. She got caught red-handed. She’s a trooper though. She didn’t drop dime on me and I love her for that. It’s all about loyalty, Hailey.” I was impressed with her and how she had his respect.

For the first time we actually talked about life. I didn’t know much about him before this point but listening to him I got to know that he was truly intelligent and a caring person as well. What shocked me was when he apologized to me. “Hailey, I feel like I took advantage of you and I’m sorry.”

“No need to apologize. We both got something out of the deal.” I smiled. “I’m not mad at all.”

He nodded. “You learn fast, I see. Well at least I taught you something, but I’d like to warn you though. Stay clear of guys like me. Street niggas like me. Most of ’em won’t be as nice as me and they’ll ruin your life and not even look back. Fortunately for Cheron, I’m going to look out for her. I posted her bail and I’m planning on paying for her lawyer. She may not get anything but probation, but still she’ll end up with a record.”

“Well, let me ask you this. If you weren’t afraid of her snitching on you would you have looked out for her?”

“You know what the good thing is?” he asked. “She was smart enough to put herself in a position where we didn’t have to find out. Always use this as well as this,” he said pointing at his head first then his crotch. “In the opposite order you’re headed for disaster.”

We talked for a little while longer and he asked me about college. I told him that I wanted to go away somewhere, maybe California or New York. He suggested Spelman or Clark. I knew why.

I was about to leave when he asked me if he could make love to me one last time. The next time he came by this apartment, he said, he’d be moving. Who could resist him, so I said, “Okay, but it’s gonna cost you. I don’t do charity cases.” Then I smiled.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.” He laughed. This time we got in the shower together and he took his time. Once we were in the bed he was so passionate that he almost took my breath away. I was surprised that he lasted five minutes this time.

When we finished he went into a spiel about how it was still unbelievable to him how I could make him erupt so quickly. Fifteen, twenty minutes, he claimed he always took with other women.

I slipped my jeans on without putting back on my panties and bra. I held them in my hands as I was just going in the house to shower again. Manny kissed me at the door as if he knew it’d be the last time he’d lay eyes on me. “If you are ever in Atlanta, look me up,” he said.

I nodded. “I will.” He opened the door and when I turned to walk out, Tank was standing in the hallway, waiting like a guard dog.

“This is how you repay me, Honey? You bitch,” he growled.

“What are you doing here?” I said.

“Your girl Rorrie told me you was in here fucking this nigga.”

My head began to spin. “Rorrie? What?”

“Yeah, she been trying to creep with me for weeks, ever since the concert I took y’all too. I shoulda’ gone ahead and tapped it since I see how you rolling.” Tank had moved up on me. His eyes were ferocious and he looked unstable. I thought he was going to hit me so I backed up.

He must have sensed that I was going to run so he reached and grabbed me by the throat. I gasped and tried to pry his hand loose to keep him from choking me. Again, Manny had to come to my rescue. He slid around my body and pushed Tank into the wall. “Main man, you need to chill.”

Tank immediately began to throw punches. His were wild but the ones Manny threw in return were precise. He knocked Tank to the ground with the second punch and told me to get back inside.

I glanced over as Manny reached down to punch Tank some more, but then it happened. Amid the barrage of blows, Tank reached into his pocket and pulled out a knife. Almost simultaneously I heard Manny’s cries then a thud. I slammed the door before Tank could get to me.

He began to kick the door. “Honey, I love you. Please, open up. I love you,” he yelled out as I began to cry. He’d gone mad.

“I’m calling the police,” I yelled. “Get out of here.”

The next twenty minutes I barely remember. I heard sirens then a knock at the door. Paramedics, police, a stretcher, a sheet over Manny’s body. All followed by confession. He’d died because of me.

It seemed as if my mother hated me once she found out what had happened. She didn’t look me in the eye from that day forward. She was furious when the police advised us to move, since they hadn’t yet apprehended Tank, but my mother wasn’t having it. “I have a job right up the road. I don’t have the time or money to move because her hot ass can’t keep her legs closed,” she told the detective.

Instead she shipped me out to her sister’s home in Columbia, Maryland. Denise was four years older than my mother and even more religious. Still I had no choice.

Ironically, going from the hood to the nice neighborhood turned out to be hell for me. I went to a new school with a bunch of white kids that I had nothing in common with and I stood out like a sore thumb. I tried to forget the life I’d left behind in the city, the best friend who’d betrayed me, and the murderer who’d flipped my life inside out.

After being a loner for the first month of school, eventually I tried to fit in with the uppity kids, but my interests had changed so much in the last year that I couldn’t connect with most of the girls I met. I missed the money and the clothes. I often thought about Manny and the things he’d shared with me. Within two weeks I began sneaking out to hang out with guys I’d met at Columbia Mall. None of them captured my interest. They simply didn’t have enough money. That was until I met this one kid with rich parents who had his own credit card. I gave the kid a sample and in no time flat he’d maxed the card out taking me to all of my favorite stores.

One evening after I came in two hours after my silly ten P.M. curfew, my aunt was sitting in the living room talking to a man she introduced as a detective.

“You’re late again,” she bitched.

“I know I had to stop off and…”

“I am so sick of your excuses.” She’d cut me off. “Come here and sit down.”

My aunt looked as if she’d been crying. The detective began to speak. According to him they’d apprehended Tank. This made me happy as I immediately thought of my return home. Then the detective went on to say that he’d been caught while fleeing the scene of another murder. As they’d suspected he might, Tank had come looking for me again. Of course I was nowhere around, but my mother was.