A week had passed since I’d found out that Honey had known all along that Rorrie was my fiancée. I was still trying to reconcile her reasoning for not letting me know: “If I had told you then you might not have known that I wanted you for you and not as some prize in a scheme for revenge. Remember, you came after me.”

She had a point. I’d pursued her with all my might, but a part of me couldn’t stop thinking that the initial fuck was exactly that, revenge. It bothered me as I tried to pull it together. I didn’t want to end things with her. I hadn’t felt so alive ever.

Still, tired of my distant mood, Honey boiled over and we had our first argument. I had been sitting on the couch, trying to watch some clips of my work, when she started up. She came out of the blue with, “Khalil, I don’t have to stay here. I can leave if you want me to.”

“Maybe it’s you who wants to leave. You’ve definitely shown that you have a talent for disappearing.”

“Maybe I should disappear. You’re not talking to me. I don’t know what’s going through your mind. Ever since Rorrie’s crazy ass showed up you have been acting like you’re having second thoughts.”

“What do you mean by not talking? We’ve talked.”

She shook her head. “I mean really talked. You’ve kept things very surface with me and I’m tired of it. If you are having second thoughts about us I’ll understand. Just let me know,” she said so coolly that it had me doubting that she cared about me at all. “I’m going to head out and give you some time to think about things.”

I was about to comment when she walked away and headed upstairs. I sat there for a few moments. I began to wonder why I’d been distant. Maybe I was mad that I’d allowed Honey to hurt Rorrie or that I’d even helped. Maybe I was insecure about what was going on with us. Was she going to wake up one day and feel as if her mission was completed and then abandon me like my mother and Frannie had?

I got up and moved toward the steps. I heard the shower running when I walked into the bedroom. There was steam coming out of the door to the bathroom as she’d left it open. I walked to the door and peeped in to see she had her back to the door and a washrag in her hands, holding it to her face.

I could see her shape through the steam and the glass and instantly I became turned on. It had been a few days since we’d made love. I didn’t know how she’d respond but I pulled my shirt off and dropped my shorts and underwear down to my ankles. I stepped out of them and moved to the door. When I pulled the shower door open she looked shocked. Then as I moved closer I saw that she’d been crying.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” I said.

She shook her head and the tears continued to fall. “I…I…don’t.” She paused and looked down into her cloth.

“Talk to me,” I said, moving closer to her.

“I don’t want to lose you,” she murmured out. “Khalil, I’m so happy with you. I don’t want you to be mad at me.”

I realized that I had been angry with her, but in that moment I released it. Her vulnerability allowed me to. I moved closer and kissed her. “I’m not mad at you. I don’t want you to leave. I don’t ever want you to leave.”

She lifted her head up and kissed me back and the sparks ignited. She never stopped with the tears but I was sure they became tears of joy and pleasure as I lifted her left leg to my waist and entered her.

I started slowly but our passion erupted and before I knew it we were fighting to possess more of each other. Her hands on my ass, pulling me in deeper while mine were locked on her to hold her in place as I pierced her target. We got lost in the moment as we banged bodies together with the warm water beating down on us.

I heard the words again; this time I knew that they’d come from her mouth because she said my name, “Khalil, I…love…you.”

For once in my life I felt free. I knew the difference between what I was feeling now and what I’d felt with Rorrie, who I’d always loved with my mind. This was heart and soul, a spiritual connection.

I let her leg down and she asked me what was wrong. “Let’s go get in the bed.”

“Did you come?”

“No.”

She looked surprised but not as surprised as she looked fifteen minutes later as I worked out on top of her. Her eyes were rolling up inside of her head. “No one…omigod,” she cried out. I grunted and kept moving as I inched closer to ecstasy. “Khalil, I haven’t ever been…fuhh…fuhh…” She didn’t get the words out before she let out a high-pitched scream as she thrashed her head back and forth.

Her throes of passion excited me to the point where I came hard and collapsed on top of her. I took a moment to catch my breath and then asked, “Honey, am I too heavy?” She didn’t respond.

I lifted off of her and was shocked to see that she was out cold. I tapped her face, thinking that she was playing games. A cold rag and a few shakes later and we both realized that she’d passed out.

“That was incredible,” she whispered as she came to with a smile on her face. “I didn’t know it could be like that,” she said three times back-to-back. She went on about the mind-blowing sex, the shock that I lasted so long, and all of the things that she felt as she had a gut-wrenching orgasm.

We turned on the radio and listened to Justine Love and Todd B as they played slow jams that fit the moment we were in. “The Way” by Jill Scott and then “Emotional Rollercoaster” by Vivian Green played as we stared at the ceiling. My chest poking out like King Kong’s, I dozed off with her in my arms.

Honey had urged me to make the phone call to Frannie. After I’d talked with her about her promise to be at my side, I felt the strength to do it. Now two days later, there was a twinge of nervousness as I approached the home that was located in the part of Philly where Germantown connected with Mount Airy. Her street was well kept and quiet.

I knocked on the screen door. The door inside was standing open, allowing the slight breeze to enter. Frannie came to the door in a pink dress and greeted me with a huge smile.

I introduced Honey as my girlfriend and she gave her a big hug. “This is so wonderful,” she said. “I can’t believe you’re here. I’ve missed you so much over the years.”

I caught Honey’s gaze when Frannie’d said the words. She was checking on me for a reaction. I’d confided in her about all of my feelings and my anger, some of which I’d never shared with anyone other than Cameron.

We weren’t in the house a good five minutes when she said, “I want you to take a seat. I’ve whipped up a little something for you to eat. Don’t even think about saying that you aren’t hungry,” she commanded like a general.

I didn’t deny the fact that I’d been hungry all day, but too anxious to eat as we cruised up 95. The house was old and had a door to the kitchen. When it swung open I could smell the aroma of home cooking that had my saliva nearly dripping from my tongue.

Over light conversation we ate collards, fried chicken, macaroni and cheese, cornbread, and then as if we could get any more stuffed she brought a freshly baked apple pie out of the kitchen and a tub of Häagen-Dazs out for dessert. Throughout the whole dinner memories of Frannie cooking for me and feeding me as a child flooded my mind.

“You okay, baby?” Honey asked a few times.

“Yeah, I’m good. The food is great,” I’d said. It was great having my woman there to act as a buffer to the discomfort that was choking the air out of me.

“As a matter of fact, I’ll take another slice of pie, y’know to go with this second scoop of ice cream.” Honey smiled.

“Where are you putting it all, chile?” Frannie asked and laughed as Honey ate like she hadn’t had a decent meal in a while herself.

“Miss Frannie—” Frannie had insisted she call her by her first name. “—I love a good meal like this so you won’t catch me acting shy when I get a chance to partake of some good ol’-fashioned soul food. My mom was a good cook and if she hadn’t died while I was young, I probably would be a size six or an eight.” She laughed then added, “Or maybe a ten or a twelve.”

They both laughed. “I like this young lady, Khalil. She’s a keeper. You do what you have to do to keep her around.”

I wasn’t sure where it came from but I felt compelled to let it out. “Sometimes it’s beyond a man’s control though, right?” The conversation and the laughs came to a halt that quick. “I wanted you to stay, but you left. Remember?”

Then I got up from the table. “I can’t do this. I don’t forgive you.” I reached into my pocket and pulled out a hundred-dollar bill and placed in on the table. “Thanks for the hospitality but this was a bad idea. I’m sorry Frannie, but we’re leaving now.”

Honey’s eyes showed horror. I felt bad that she had to see me act this way as I headed for the door but I was hurting too bad. “Khalil, no,” she said.

“Was it something I said, Khalil? Please don’t go like this,” Frannie pleaded.

“I just can’t do this. I needed you then. I don’t need you now. I needed your food when I ate in that lousy cafeteria on Thanksgiving and Christmas, not now. It was stupid of me to come. I’m sorry.”

I watched briefly as Honey stood up and began to follow me. I could hear her thanking Frannie for the meal. Then as we stepped out of the door and down the steps I heard the woman who’d at one time been my mother crying. “Khalil. I know you don’t need me.” Her tears were evident now. “But I do need you. I…need…you.”

I hit the alarm switch as I climbed into the Bentley. I didn’t look back as we pulled off. As we turned onto Windrim Avenue I wondered if she felt even a fraction of the pain I’d endured when she had done the exact same thing to me years before.