This nervousness was different from what I felt the day when I’d let J.D. stick his hands inside my panties while we rode the Metro bus home from school down Georgia Avenue through the heart of the nation’s capital. J.D. had been my first boyfriend and for as much as I could at that point in my life, I loved him. I’d been willing to let him explore my body bit by bit until the day when we went all the way on the top bunk in his bedroom. He was my first. I was his third, but his inexperience left me with no real clue as to why sex was so damned important. Even after a year of sexing every chance we got I was still looking for the fireworks, wondering why J.D. could never last for more than two minutes. I’d actually wondered what I was doing wrong.

At the hands of the man standing a few feet away from me, finally I was feeling something. Just watching Manny take his shirt off I could feel my temperature rising. I truly had knots in my stomach as my heart fluttered like a butterfly on speed.

“Fine-ass” Manny, as me and my girlfriends called him, lived with Cheron in the apartment across the hall. Cheron was like a glamour girl to me, which made it understandable why she barely spoke to any of us young girls who routinely camped out in front of the building. She moved in a rush it seemed whenever she went out in her red Camry coupe. Stealing glimpses of her was like a major event, since she was always dressed in the latest fashion, rocking seven-hundred-dollar purses, diamonds in her ears and on her wrist. It was easy to see why she’d landed a guy like Manny. She was beautiful, hip, and fly. If for no other reason than the fact that she was always so well put together, she was like a hero to me. Even still, one glance at him and you knew that he could have had any girl he wanted, including Cheron. He looked like he’d crawled out the pages of a magazine with his bronze skin, chiseled chest, and curly hair.

I figured he was at least twenty, too old for me to be looking at him the way I did but I couldn’t help myself. None of my friends could. Usually, I’d come home from school and he’d be home out front wiping down his car, which was a brand-new Benz. Sometimes he’d be sitting on his porch reading a Final Call or a Vibe magazine while listening to music through the screen door. The entire year that they’d lived there, all he did was smile at me until the day he saw me in a miniskirt I’d borrowed from my best friend, Rorrie.

That was the day he’d looked down at me from his balcony as I headed up the short walk to the door and asked, “Shorty, what’s your name?”

A part of me was so shocked that he’d actually spoken to me that I nearly ignored him and headed into the building, up the steps and into my apartment. The other part of me was hoping that this man had really graced me with his voice, so I answered in a near whisper, “Hailey.”

“Hailey,” he said as he took a huge gulp from a Styrofoam cup he’d placed on the porch next to his chair. “What time your mother come home from work?”

“She’ll be here about six,” I answered, wondering why he wanted to know.

He nodded and a slight grin appeared on his face. “Come up here for a second,” he commanded as if I’d truly known him or had some type of relationship with him. He’d beckoned me to his apartment and there was not a hint of doubt in his voice that I’d come.

I’d climbed those stairs nervously and now here I was. From the moment I walked through the door it had felt like I’d stepped into the Twilight Zone. Briefly I had admired their apartment. It wasn’t plain like ours. I thought the black carpet and white leather couches looked rich. The walls were painted in oranges, reds, and yellows, and they even had a big-screen television that was showing videos on BET, with a stereo on top of it that was blasting Jodeci’s latest, “Feenin’.”

Manny had sat me on that couch long enough to break down for me what was about to happen. “Hailey, I see how you and your friends look at me. I also know you’re still in high school. I was going to wait until you graduated, but looking at you I can tell that you’re ready to become a woman. I’ve also seen your little boyfriend sneak in and out of your house so I know you ain’t no virgin.”

His words were so silky-smooth but it didn’t even matter. The entire time I only watched his face as he spoke, the sounds that came out of it were irrelevant until he leaned in and kissed me for the first time.

Fifteen minutes later the room was spinning as my clothes came flying off. I knew I had to be crazy up in the bed that they slept in, but where he led, I was willing to follow.

I wasn’t a freak, a whore, or even a sex fiend like so many of the girls I knew, but I had given in to Manny so easily that I didn’t understand it. He’d pulled the curtains in the room so that it had darkened to the point where I could only see shadows of him. He told me to relax and I tried. His kisses felt good on my neck and his massaging of my breast had my body on fire. Then he did something that was unexpected.

With my legs pinned up by his hands he put his mouth on me and ate me. Rorrie had talked about it, but I had no idea that it would feel this good. I felt relaxed and tense at the same time. His warm tongue sent shockwaves through my body and I felt an unfamiliar urge to explode. I didn’t know what was happening other than I knew Manny was taking good care of me.

He did this for five more minutes and then he stopped, to my dismay. At this point I opened my eyes and saw him sliding up toward me; I knew he was about to enter me. I reached down to feel him, but he moved my hand away and replaced it with his. Obviously he was trying to keep me from being scared by his size, because I felt the pressure from the second he began entering me. He was stretching me but my wetness, surprisingly, allowed him to glide right in once he made it through the initial pains.

What happened next blew my mind. Not twenty strokes and he began to pant like a wounded bear. I didn’t realize it but my hands were on his back and I moved with him. He tensed up and I kept moving as he screamed out. A few seconds later and he collapsed beside me.

There was silence for a few moments until he said, “Hailey, I’m sorry. I can’t believe I came so fast. I never do that, but damn, you got something special right there. I mean that.”

I didn’t know what to say. I was used to it. J.D. had always blasted quickly. “It’s fine,” I said.

“No, it’s not,” he said. “A man is supposed to represent and take care of your needs too. Did you like when I ate you?”

I smiled on the inside. “Yes.”

“Well, I’m supposed to make you feel even better during the sex but I couldn’t help myself. I just felt so good. Unbelievable actually.”

I chuckled and asked, “Seriously?”

“Hailey, you just don’t know. I’ve been with a lot of women, but that right there that you have is golden. When I went down on you it was the sweetest sex I ever tasted.” I was smiling at him but he couldn’t see me. “Matter of fact your mama shouldn’t even have named you Hailey. She shoulda’ named you Honey, ’cause that’s what you have between your legs…a big ol’ pot of honey.” Then he shot me a smile that I didn’t even know he had and I felt myself melting a bit.

Manny got hard again and I let him climb on top so that he could do me again. He tried but didn’t last any longer the second go-round. I wasn’t angry and didn’t know enough to be disappointed but I immediately decided to head home to shower and finish my homework. Thirty minutes later I heard a knock at the door. I looked out the peephole and saw Manny.

I looked at the clock and it said a quarter till six. My mother would be home in fifteen minutes. There was no way I was letting him in but still, I opened it. “Hey,” I said. “What’s up?”

He extended his hand to me and said, “Listen. This is our little secret you know that right?”

I nodded yes and said, “For sure.”

“Good,” he replied but went on. “I just wanted to tell you again how much I enjoyed you.” Then he placed his hand on mine and I felt the paper. “You deserve this.” He’d handed me a bunch of bills folded up.

I looked down and saw that it was nothing but hundred-dollar bills. “Manny, you don’t have to give me money.”

“Don’t be crazy. I know you can use it. And plus, it was worth it. Any guy you give that loving to, needs to pay,” he said smiling. He winked at me and asked, “I’ll see you after school tomorrow?”

“Okay, maybe,” I said before closing the door.

In my room, my heart went crazy when I counted out the eight hundred dollars that he’d given me. Puzzled, I jumped up and pulled my skirt and panties off then I went to the mirror. I stood on a chair and examined my vagina, trying to figure out what in the world made it so special that Manny of all people would pay me to have sex.

I tossed and turned all night long, thinking about the next day and what would happen. I imagined “fine-ass” Manny losing control over my loving again and giving me more money. I had never had more than a few hundred dollars at one time, and my grandmother had to die for me to get that. I imagined Manny would be waiting on his balcony at home for me while I stopped off at Union Station after school to do some shopping.

Finally I drifted off to sleep with a smile on my face, looking forward to what would happen the next time I gave Manny a taste.

It felt so good to be able to buy whatever I wanted for the first time, but as I walked through the mall I was troubled by the fact that I couldn’t spend any of this money on my mother. If I did, she’d wonder where it had come from. Then as I walked past a stand that sold umbrellas something caught my eye. The stand had wallets on it. I bought one and strolled right into one of my mother’s favorite stores.

My mother loved church, but skipped some Sundays because she didn’t have anything to wear, which I never understood. I knew that she had always taken pride in her appearance. I’d listen to her stories about how she’d had it going on back in her day. She was beautiful and I was thankful that I looked so much like her, but I didn’t see the sense of style that she always bragged about. In fact, I thought my mother was extremely plain and almost nerdy.

I decided to use almost half of the money I had to change that. I was able to buy her four outfits and two pairs of shoes and still I had some left over. For myself I copped three pairs of jeans, some shorts, a few tops from Gap, some new Air Jordans, and some new panties and bras from Victoria’s Secret.

As I strolled out of the mall looking like a young celebrity, arms full of bags, I heard a guy calling for my attention. I ignored him and continued up the platform toward the subway. By the time I reached the top of the escalator, there he was.

“You didn’t hear me calling you?” he asked once he was at my side.

“I heard you, but I don’t know you,” I said, continuing to walk.

He smiled and then he said, “Yeah, but I’m trying to change that.”

“Yeah, well I’m not interested.”

Still walking he continued, “It’s like that. Your loss, especially since I see you like to shop.”

I stopped and looked him in the eye. “Why is that?” Young and green, I had taken his bait and he had me on the hook now, which made us even. To be honest, I had no idea how much I would love being able to shop until today. It was my first time going from store to store without my mother and spending money that wasn’t for Christmas.

“I like to shop too and I don’t mind spending on my girl especially if she treats me good.”

I nodded. “Well, I ain’t your girl and I don’t want to be.” I finished with “So how is that gonna benefit me?”

The truth was that I wasn’t even allowed to have the boyfriend I did. In fact, J.D. didn’t even have my phone number and I’d only snuck him in a couple times during the whole year. I was a month away from my fifteenth birthday and it had long been established that I’d be sixteen before I could have a boyfriend.

“Let me get your number and I’ll break it down for you when I come pick you up.” I stared at his face. He was tall and handsome. His teeth were messed up though, and his eyes looked a little beady, but his haircut was perfect and for some reason I was feeling his baby mustache. He was nowhere close to Manny’s league but he had a certain cockiness about him that was appealing. I could tell he had a little money, because the thick chain with diamonds in the charm gave it away.

The fresh jeans he had on, plus he was rocking the same Jordans that I’d just bought, had me feeling his style. “I don’t have a number.” The look on his face turned to a smirk. “I don’t give out my home number.”

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a card. As he dug for the card he showed a huge wad of cash—on purpose, I was sure. He handed the card to me and said, “I own this tattoo parlor. You call me and maybe you can come past there and we can talk about what you like and about what I like. Maybe I’ll hook you up with a tat on the house.”

At the risk of sounding young and dumb I shook the bags in my hand at him and in my most self-assured voice I said, “You see what I like.”

He nodded. “I’m good with that. My name is Tank. What’s yours?”

I almost said “Hailey” but caught myself. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever call him but if I did I wasn’t going to do it as Hailey. So without having to think much further I replied, “Honey. My name is Honey.”