10
Eri Asai is still
sleeping.
The Man with No Face, however, who was
sitting beside her and watching her so intently, is gone. So is his
chair. Without them, the room is starker, more deserted than
before. The bed stands in the centre of the room, and on it lies
Eri. She looks like a person in a lifeboat floating in a calm sea,
alone. We are observing the scene from our side—from Eri's actual
room—through the TV screen. There seems to be a TV camera in the
room on the other side capturing Eri's sleeping form and sending it
here. The position and angle of the camera change at regular
intervals, drawing slightly nearer or drawing slightly further back
each time.
Time goes by, but nothing happens. She
doesn't move. She makes no sound. She floats face up on an ocean of
pure thought devoid of waves or current. And yet, we can't tear
ourselves away from the image being sent. Why should that be? We
don't know the reason. We sense, however, through a certain kind of
intuition, that something is there.
Something alive. It lurks beneath the surface of the water,
expunging any sense of its presence. We keep our eyes trained on
the motionless image, hoping to ascertain the position of this
thing we cannot see.
Just now, it seemed
there might have been a tiny movement at the corner of Eri Asai's
mouth. No, we might not even be able to call it a movement. A
tremor so microscopic we can't be sure we even saw it. It might
have been just a flicker of the screen. A trick of the eyes. A
visual hallucination aroused by our desire to see some kind of
change. To ascertain the truth, we focus more intently on the
screen.
As if sensing our will, the camera lens draws
nearer to its subject. Eri's mouth appears in close-up. We hold our
breath and stare at the screen, waiting patiently for whatever is
to come next. A tremor of the lips again. A momentary spasm of the
flesh. Yes, the same movement as before. Now there is no doubt. It
was no optical illusion. Something is beginning to happen inside
Eri Asai.
Gradually we begin to tire of passively observing the TV screen from this side. We want to check out the interior of that other room directly, with our own eyes. We want to see more closely the beginning of faint movement, the possible quickening of consciousness, that Eri is beginning to exhibit. We want to speculate upon its meaning based on something more concrete. And so we decide to transport ourselves to the other side of the screen.
It's not that difficult once we make up our
mind. All we have to do is separate from the flesh, leave all
substance behind, and allow ourselves to become a conceptual point
of view devoid of mass. With that accomplished, we can pass through
any wall, leap over any abyss. Which is exactly what we do. We let
ourselves become a pure single point and pass through the TV screen
separating the two worlds, moving from this side to the other. When
we pass through the wall and leap the abyss, the world undergoes a
great deformation, splits and crumbles, and is momentarily gone.
Everything turns into fine, pure dust that scatters in all
directions. And then the world is reconstructed. A new substance
surrounds us. And all of this takes but the blink of an
eye.
Now we are on the other side, in the room we
saw on the screen. We survey our surroundings. It smells like a
room that has not been cleaned for a long time. The window is shut
tight, and the air doesn't move. It's chilly and smells faintly of
mould. The silence is so deep it hurts our ears. No one is here,
nor do we sense the presence of something lurking in here. If there
was such a thing here before, it has long since departed. We are
the only ones here now—we and Eri Asai.
Eri goes on sleeping in the single bed in the
centre of the room. We recognise the bed and bedclothes. We
approach her and study her face as she sleeps, taking time to
observe the details with great care. As mentioned before, all that
we, as pure point of view, can accomplish is to observe—observe,
gather data, and, if possible, judge. We are not allowed to touch
her. Neither can we speak to her. Nor can we indicate our presence
to her indirectly.
Before long there is movement in Eri's face
again—a reflexive twitching of the flesh of one cheek, as if to
chase away a tiny fly that has just alighted there. Then her right
eyelid flutters minutely. Waves of thought are stirring. In a
twilight corner of her consciousness, one tiny fragment and another
tiny fragment call out wordlessly to each other, their spreading
ripples intermingling. The process takes place before our eyes. A
unit of thought begins to form this way. Then it links with another
unit that has been made in another region, and the fundamental
system of self-awareness takes shape. In other words, she is
moving, step by step, towards wakefulness.
The pace of her awakening may be maddeningly
slow, but it never moves backwards. The system exhibits occasional
disorientation, but it moves steadily forwards, step by step. The
intervals of time needed between one movement and the next
gradually contract. Muscle movements at first are limited to the
area of the face, but in time they spread to the rest of the body.
At one point a shoulder rises gently, and a small white hand
appears from beneath the quilt. The left hand. It awakens one step
ahead of the right. In their new temporality, the fingers thaw and
relax and begin to move awkwardly in search of something.
Eventually they move atop the bedcover as small, independent
creatures, coming to rest against the slender throat, as if Eri is
groping uncertainly for the meaning of her own flesh.
Soon her eyelids open. But, stabbed by the
light of the fluorescent lamps ranged on the ceiling, the eyes snap
shut again. Her consciousness seems to resist awakening. What it
wants to do is exclude the encroaching world of reality and go on
sleeping without end in a soft, enigmatic darkness. By contrast,
her bodily functions seek positive awakening. They long for fresh
natural light. These two opposing forces clash within her, but the
final victory belongs to the power source that indicates awakening.
Again the eyelids open, slowly, hesitantly. But again the
fluorescent glare is too much. She raises both hands and covers her
eyes. She turns aside and rests a cheek against the
pillow.
Time passes. For three minutes, four, Eri
Asai lies in bed in that same position, eyes closed. Could she have
gone to sleep again? No, she is giving her consciousness time to
accustom itself to the waking world. Time plays an important role,
as when a person has been moved into a room with vastly different
atmospheric pressure and must allow the bodily functions to adjust.
Her consciousness recognises that unavoidable changes have begun,
and it struggles to accept them. She feels slightly nauseated. Her
stomach contracts, giving her the sensation that something is about
to rise from it. She overcomes the feeling with several long
breaths. And when, at last, the nausea has departed, several other
unpleasant sensations come to take its place: numbness of the arms
and legs, faint ringing of the ears, muscle pain. She has been
sleeping in one position too long. Again time passes.
Finally she raises herself in bed and, with
unsteady gaze, examines her surroundings. The room is huge. No one
else is there. What is this place? What am I
doing here? Again and again she tries
to trace her memory back, but it gives out each time like a short
thread. All she can tell is that she has been sleeping in this
place: she is in bed, wearing pyjamas. This is
my bed, these are my pyjamas. That much is
certain. But this is not my place.
My body is numb all over. If I was asleep here,
it was for a very long time, and very
deeply. But I have no idea how long it
could have been. Her temples begin to throb with the determined
effort of thinking.
She wills herself out from under the covers,
lowering her bare feet cautiously to the floor. She is wearing
plain blue pyjamas of glossy material. The air here is chilly. She
strips the thin quilt from the bed and dons it as a cape. She tries
to walk but is unable to move straight ahead. Her muscles cannot
remember how to do it. But she pushes onwards, one step at a time.
The blank linoleum floor questions her with cold efficiency: Who
are you? What are you doing here? But of course she is unable to
answer.
She approaches a window and, resting her
hands on the sill, strains to see outside. Beyond the glass,
however, there is no scenery, only an uncoloured space like a pure
abstract idea. She rubs her eyes, takes a deep breath, and tries to
look out again. Still there is nothing to see but empty space. She
tries to open the window but it will not move. She tries all of the
windows in order, but they refuse to move, as if they have been
nailed shut. It occurs to her that this might be a ship. She seems
to feel a gentle rocking. I might be riding on
a large ship, and the windows are sealed to
keep the water from splashing in. She listens for the sound of
an engine or a hull cutting through the waves. But all that reaches
her is the unbroken sound of silence.
She makes a complete circuit of the large
room, taking time to feel the walls and turn switches on and off.
None of the switches has any effect on the ceiling's fluorescent
lamps—or on anything else: they do nothing. The room has two
doors—utterly ordinary panelled doors. She tries turning the knob
of one. It simply spins without engaging. She tries pushing and
pulling, but the door will not budge. The other door is the same.
Each of the doors and windows sends signals of rejection to her as
if each is an independent creature.
She makes two fists and pounds on the door as
hard as she can, hoping that someone will hear and open the door
from the outside, but she is shocked at how little sound she is
able to produce. She herself can hardly hear it. No one (assuming
there is anyone out there) can possibly hear her knocking. All she
does is hurt her hands. Inside her head, she feels something
resembling dizziness. The rocking sensation in her body has
increased.
We notice that the room resembles the office
where Shirakawa was working late at night. It could well be the
same room. Only, now it is perfectly vacant, stripped of all
furniture, office equipment, and decoration. The fluorescent lights
on the ceiling are all that is left. After every item was taken
out, the last person locked the door behind him, and the room, its
existence forgotten by the world, was plunged to the bottom of the
sea. The silence and the mouldy smell absorbed by the four
surrounding walls indicate to her—and to us—the passage of that
time.
She squats down, her back against the wall,
eyes closed, as she waits for the dizziness and rocking to subside.
Eventually she opens her eyes and picks something up that has
fallen on the floor nearby. A pencil. With an eraser. Stamped with
the name VERITECH, it is the same kind of silver pencil that
Shirakawa was using. The point is blunt. She picks up the pencil
and stares at it for a long time. She has no memory of the name
VERITECH. Could it be the name of a company, or of some kind of
product? She can't be sure. She shakes her head slightly. Aside
from the pencil, she sees nothing that promises to give her any
information about this room.
She can't comprehend how she came to be in a
place like this all alone. She has never seen it before, and
nothing about the place jogs her memory. Who
could have carried me here, and for what
purpose? Is it possible I have died? Is
this the afterlife? She sits down on the edge of the bed and
examines the possibility that this is what has happened to her. But
she cannot believe that she is dead. Nor should the afterlife be
like this. If dying meant being shut up alone inside a vacant room
in an isolated office building, it was too utterly lacking any hope
of salvation. Could this be a dream then? No,
it is too consistent to be a dream, the
details too concrete and vivid. I can
actually touch the things that are here. She jabs the back of
her hand with the pencil tip to verify the pain. She licks the
eraser to verify the taste of rubber.
This is reality, she
concludes. For some reason, a different kind of reality has taken the place of my
normal reality. Wherever it might have been
brought from, whoever might have carried me
here, I have been left shut up entirely
alone in this strange, dusty, viewless room with no exit. Could I have lost my mind and, as a
result, been sent to some kind of
institution? No, that is not likely,
either. After all, who gets to bring her own bed along when she enters the hospital? And besides,
this simply doesn't look like a hospital room. Neither does it look like a prison cell. It's just a big, empty
room.
She returns to the bed and strokes the quilt.
She gives the pillow a few light pats. They are just an ordinary
quilt and an ordinary pillow. Not symbols, not concepts; one is a
real quilt, and the other a real pillow. Neither gives her anything
to go by. Eri runs her fingers over her face, touching every bit of
skin. Through her pyjama top, she lays her hands on her breasts.
She verifies that she is her usual self: a beautiful face and
well-shaped breasts. I'm a lump of flesh, a commercial asset, her rambling
thoughts tell her. Suddenly she is far less sure that she is
herself.
Her dizziness has faded, but the rocking
sensation continues. She feels as if her footing has been swept out
from under her. Her body's interior has lost all necessary weight
and is becoming a cavern. Some kind of hand is deftly stripping
away everything that has constituted her as Eri until now: the
organs, the senses, the muscles, the memories. She knows she will
end up as a mere con venient conduit used for the passage of
external things. Her flesh creeps with the overwhelming sense of
isolation this gives her. I hate this! she
screams. I don't want to he changed this way! But her intended scream never
emerges. All that leaves her throat in reality is a fading
whimper.
Let me get to sleep
again! she pleads. If only I could fall
sound asleep and wake up in my old reality!
This is the one way Eri can now imagine escaping from the room.
It's probably worth a try. But she will not easily be granted such
sleep. For one thing, she has only just awakened. And her sleep was
too long and deep for that: so deep that she left her normal
reality behind.
She lodges the silver pencil between her
fingers and gives it a twirl, vaguely hoping this thing she found
on the floor will evoke some kind of memory. But all her fingers
feel is an endless longing of the heart. Half-consciously, she lets
the pencil drop to the floor. She lies on the bed, wraps herself in
the quilt, and closes her eyes.
She thinks: No one knows
I'm here. I'm sure of it. No one knows that I am in this
place.
we know. But we are
not qualified to become involved with her. We look down at her from
above as she lies in bed. Gradually, as point of view, we begin to
draw back. We break through the ceiling, moving steadily up and
away from her. The higher we climb, the smaller grows our image of
Eri Asai, until it is just a single point, and then it is gone. We
increase our speed, moving backwards through the stratosphere. The
earth shrinks until it, too, finally disappears. Our point of view
draws back through the vacuum of nothingness. The movement is
beyond our control.
The next thing we know, we are back in Eri
Asai's room. The bed is empty. We can see the TV screen. It shows
nothing but a sandstorm of interference. Harsh static grates on our
ears. We stare at the sandstorm for a while to no
purpose.
The room grows darker by degrees until, in an
instant, all light is lost. The sandstorm also fades. Total
darkness arrives.