After Dark
1
Eyes mark the shape
of the city.
Through the eyes of a high-flying night bird,
we take in the scene from midair. In our broad sweep, the city
looks like a single gigantic creature—or more like a single
collective entity created by many intertwining organisms. Countless
arteries stretch to the ends of its elusive body, circulating a
continuous supply of fresh blood cells, sending out new data and
collecting the old, sending out new consumables and collecting the
old, sending out new contradictions and collecting the old. To the
rhythm of its pulsing, all parts of the body flicker and flare up
and squirm. Midnight is approaching, and while the peak of activity
has passed, the basal metabolism that maintains life continues
undiminished, producing the basso continuo of the city's moan, a
monotonous sound that neither rises nor falls but is pregnant with
foreboding.
Our line of sight chooses an area of
concentrated brightness and, focusing there, silently descends to
it—a sea of neon colours. They call this place an "amusement
district." The giant digital screens fastened to the sides of
buildings fall silent as midnight approaches, but loudspeakers on
storefronts keep pumping out exaggerated hip-hop bass lines. A
large game centre crammed with young people; wild electronic
sounds; a group of college students spilling out from a bar;
teenage girls with brilliant bleached hair, healthy legs thrusting
out from microminiskirts; dark-suited men racing across diagonal
crossings for the last trains to the suburbs. Even at this hour,
the karaoke club pitchmen keep shouting for customers. A flashy
black station wagon drifts down the street as if taking stock of
the district through its blacktinted windows. The car looks like a
deep-sea creature with specialised skin and organs. Two young
policemen patrol the street with tense expressions, but no one
seems to notice them. The district plays by its own rules at a time
like this. The season is late autumn. No wind is blowing, but the
air carries a chill. The date is just about to change.
We are inside a
Denny's.
Unremarkable but adequate lighting;
expressionless decor and tableware; floor plan designed to the last
detail by management engineers; innocuous background music at low
volume; staff meticulously trained to deal with customers by the
book: "Welcome to Denny's." Everything about the restaurant is
anonymous and interchangeable. And almost every seat is
filled.
After a quick survey of the interior, our
eyes come to rest on a girl sitting by the front window. Why her?
Why not someone else? Hard to say. But, for some reason, she
attracts our attention—very naturally. She sits at a fourperson
table, reading a book. Hooded grey parka, blue jeans, yellow
sneakers faded from repeated washing. On the back of the chair next
to her hangs a varsity jacket. This, too, is far from new. She is
probably college freshman age, though an air of high school still
clings to her. Hair black, short, and straight. Little make-up, no
jewellery. Small, slender face. Black-rimmed glasses. Every now and
then, an earnest wrinkle forms between her brows.
She reads with great concentration. Her eyes
rarely move from the pages of her book—a thick hardback. A
bookstore wrapper hides the title from us. Judging from her intent
expression, the book might contain challenging subject matter. Far
from skimming, she seems to be biting off and chewing it one line
at a time.
On her table is a coffee cup. And an ashtray.
Next to the ashtray, a navy blue baseball cap with a Boston Red Sox
"B." It might be a little too large for her head. A brown leather
shoulder bag rests on the seat next to her. It bulges as if its
contents had been thrown in on the spur of the moment. She reaches
out at regular intervals and brings the coffee cup to her mouth,
but she doesn't appear to be enjoying the flavour. She drinks
because she has a cup of coffee in front of her: that is her role
as a customer. At odd moments, she puts a cigarette between her
lips and lights it with a plastic lighter. She narrows her eyes,
releases an easy puff of smoke into the air, puts the cigarette
into the ashtray, and then, as if to soothe an approaching
headache, she strokes her temples with her fingertips.
The music playing at low volume is "Go Away
Little Girl" by Percy Faith and his Orchestra. No one is listening,
of course. Many different kinds of people are taking meals and
drinking coffee in this late-night Denny's, but she is the only
female there alone. She raises her face from her book now and then
to glance at her watch, but she seems dissatisfied with the slow
passage of time. Not that she appears to be waiting for anyone: she
doesn't look around the restaurant or train her eyes on the front
door. She just keeps reading her book, lighting an occasional
cigarette, mechanically tipping back her coffee cup, and hoping for
the time to pass a little faster. Needless to say, dawn will not be
here for hours.
She breaks off her reading and looks outside.
From this second-storey window she can look down on the busy
street. Even at a time like this, the street is bright enough and
filled with people coming and going—people with places to go and
people with no place to go; people with a purpose and people with
no purpose; people trying to hold time back and people trying to
urge it forward. After a long, steady look at this jumbled street
scene, she holds her breath for a moment and turns her eyes once
again towards her book. She reaches for her coffee cup. Puffed no
more than two or three times, her cigarette turns into a perfectly
formed column of ash in the ashtray.
The electric door
slides open and a lanky young man walks in. Short black leather
coat, wrinkled olive-green chinos, brown work boots. Hair
fairly long and tangled in places. Perhaps he has had no chance to
wash it in some days. Perhaps he has just crawled out of the
underbrush somewhere. Or perhaps he just finds it more natural and
comfortable to have messy hair. His thinness makes him look less
elegant than malnourished. A big black instrument case hangs from
his shoulder. Wind instrument. He also holds a dirty tote bag at
his side. It seems to be stuffed with sheet music and other
assorted things. His right cheek bears an eye-catching scar. It is
short and deep, as if the flesh has been gouged out by something
sharp. Nothing else about him stands out. He is a very ordinary
young man with the air of a nice—but not very clever—stray
mutt.
The waitress on hostess duty shows him to a
seat at the back of the restaurant. He passes the table of the girl
with the book. A few steps beyond it, he comes to a halt as if a
thought has struck him. He begins moving slowly backwards as in a
rewinding film, stopping at her table. He cocks his head and
studies her face. He is trying to remember something, and much time
goes by until he gets it. He seems like the type for whom
everything takes time.
The girl senses his presence and raises her
face from her book. She narrows her eyes and looks at the young man
standing there. He is so tall, she seems to be looking far
overhead. Their eyes meet. The young man smiles. His smile is meant
to show he means no harm.
"sorry if I've got the wrong person," he says, "but
aren't you Eri Asai's little sister?"
She does not answer. She looks at him with
eyes that could be looking at an overgrown bush in the corner of a
garden.
"We met once," he continues. "Your name is…
Yuri… sort of like your sister Eri's except the first
syllable."
Keeping a cautious gaze fixed on him, she
executes a concise factual correction: "Marl"
He raises his index finger and says, "That's
it! Mari. Eri and Mari. Different first syllables. You don't
remember me, do you?"
Mari inclines her head slightly. This could
mean either yes or no. She takes off her glasses and sets them down
beside her coffee cup.
The waitress retraces her steps and asks,
"Are you together?"
"Uh-huh," he answers. "We are."
She sets his menu on the table. He takes the
seat across from Mari and puts his case on the seat next to his. A
moment later he thinks to ask Mari, "Mind if I sit here a while?
I'll get out as soon as I'm finished eating. I have to meet
somebody."
Mari gives him a slight frown. "Aren't you
supposed to say that before you sit
down?"
He thinks about the meaning of her words.
"That I have to meet somebody?"
" No … " Mari says.
"Oh, you mean as a matter of
politeness."
"Uh-huh."
He nods. "You're right. I should have asked
if it's okay to sit at your table. I'm sorry. But the place is
crowded, and I won't bother you for long. Do you mind?"
Mari gives her shoulders a little shrug that
seems to mean "As you wish." He opens his menu and studies
it.
"Are you through eating?" he asks.
"I'm not hungry."
With a scowl, he scans the menu, snaps it
shut, and lays it on the table. "I really don't have to open the
menu," he says. "I'm just faking it."
Mari doesn't say anything.
"I don't eat anything but chicken salad here.
Ever. If you ask me, the only thing worth eating at Denny's is the
chicken salad. I've had just about everything on the menu. Have you
ever tried their chicken salad?"
Mari shakes her head.
"It's not bad. Chicken salad and crispy
toast. That's all I ever eat at Denny's."
"So why do you even bother looking at the
menu?"
He pulls at the wrinkles in the corner of one
eye with his little finger. "Just think about it. Wouldn't it be
too sad to walk into Denny's and order chicken salad without
looking at the menu? It's like telling the world, 'I come to
Denny's all the time because I love the chicken salad.' So I always
go through the motion of opening the menu and pretending I picked
the chicken salad after considering other things."
The waitress brings him water and he orders
chicken salad and crispy toast. "Make it really crispy," he says
with conviction. "Almost burnt." He also orders coffee for
afterwards. The waitress inputs his order using a handheld device
and confirms it by reading it aloud.
"And I think the young lady needs a refill,"
he says, pointing at Mari's cup.
"Thank you, sir. I will bring the coffee
right away."
He watches her go off.
"You don't like chicken?" he asks.
"It's not that," Mari says. "But I make a
point of not eating chicken out."
"Why not?"
"Especially the chicken they serve in chain
restaurants —they're full of weird drugs. Growth hormones and
stuff. The chickens are locked in these dark, narrow cages, and
given all these shots, and their feed is full of chemicals, and
they're put on conveyor belts, and machines cut their heads off and
pluck them…"
"Whoa!" he says with a smile. The wrinkles at
the corners of his eyes deepen. "Chicken salad à la George
Orwell!"
Mari narrows her eyes and looks at him. She
can't tell if he is making fun of her.
"Anyhow," he says, "the chicken salad here is
not bad. Really."
As if suddenly recalling that he is wearing
it, he takes off his leather coat, folds it, and lays it on the
seat next to his. Then he rubs his hands together atop the table.
He has on a green, coarse-knit crew-neck sweater. Like his hair,
the wool of the sweater is tangled in places. He is obviously not
the sort who pays a lot of attention to his appearance.
"We met at a hotel swimming pool in
Shinagawa. Two summers ago. Remember?"
"Sort of."
"My buddy was there, your sister was there,
you were there, and I was there. Four of us all together. We had
just entered college, and I'm pretty sure you were in your second
year of high school. Right?"
Mari nods without much apparent
interest.
"My friend was kinda dating your sister then.
He brought me along on like a double date. He dug up four free
tickets to the pool, and your sister brought you along. You hardly
said a word, though. You spent the whole time in the pool, swimming
like a young dolphin. We went to the hotel tea room for ice cream
afterwards. You ordered a peach melba."
Mari frowns. "How come you remember stuff
like that?"
"I never dated a girl who ate peach melba
before. And you were cute, of course."
Mari looks at him blankly. "Liar. You were
staring at my sister the whole time."
"I was?"
Mari answers with silence.
"Maybe I was," he says. "For some reason I
remember her bikini was really tiny."
Mari pulls out a cigarette, puts it between
her lips, and lights it with her lighter.
"Let me tell you something," he says. "I'm
not trying to defend Denny's or anything, but I'm pretty sure that
smoking a whole pack of cigarettes is way
worse for you than eating a plate of chicken salad that might have some problems with it. Don't you think
so?"
Mari ignores his question.
"Another girl was supposed to go with my
sister that time, but she got sick at the last minute and my sister
forced me to go with her. To keep the numbers right."
"So you were in a bad mood."
"I remember you, though."
"Really?"
Mari puts her finger on her right
cheek.
The young man touches the deep scar on his
own cheek. "Oh, this. When I was a kid, I was going too fast on my
bike and couldn't make the turn at the bottom of the hill. Another
inch and I would have lost my right eye. My earlobe's deformed,
too. Wanna see it?"
Mari frowns and shakes her head.
The waitress brings the chicken salad and
toast to the table. She pours fresh coffee into Mari's cup and
checks to make sure she has brought all the ordered items to the
table. He picks up his knife and fork and, with practised
movements, begins eating his chicken salad. Then he picks up a
piece of toast, stares at it, and wrinkles his brow.
"No matter how much I scream at them to make
my toast as crispy as possible, I have never once got it the way I
want it. I can't imagine why. What with Japanese industriousness
and high-tech culture and the market principles that the Denny's
chain is always pursuing, it shouldn't be that hard to get crispy
toast, don't you think? So, why can't they do it? Of what value is
a civilisation that can't toast a piece of bread as
ordered?"
Mari doesn't take him up on this.
"But anyhow, your sister was a real beauty,"
the young man says, as if talking to himself.
Mari looks up. "Why do you say that in the
past tense?"
"Why do I…? I mean, I'm talking about
something that happened a long time ago, so I used the past tense,
that's all. I'm not saying she isn't a beauty now or
anything."
"She's still pretty, I think."
"Well, that's just dandy. But, to tell you
the truth, I don't know Eri Asai all that well. We were in the same
class for a year in high school, but I hardly said two words to
her. It might be more accurate to say she wouldn't give me the time
of day."
"You're still interested in her,
right?"
The young man stops his knife and fork in
midair and thinks for a moment. "Interested. Hmm. Maybe as a kind
of intellectual curiosity."
"Intellectual curiosity?"
"Yeah, like, what would it feel like to go
out on a date with a beautiful girl like Eri Asai? I mean, she's an
absolute cover girl."
"You call that intellectual curiosity?"
"Kind of, yeah."
"But back then, your friend was the one going
out with her, and you were the other guy on a double
date."
He nods with a mouthful of food, which he
then takes all the time he needs to chew.
"I'm kind of a low-key guy. The spotlight
doesn't suit me. I'm more of a side dish—coleslaw or French fries
or a Wham! back-up singer."
"Which is why you were paired with
me."
"But still, you were pretty damn
cute."
"Is there something about your personality
that makes you prefer the past tense?"
The young man smiles. "No, I was just
directly expressing how I felt back then from the perspective of
the present. You were very cute. Really. You hardly talked to me,
though."
He rests his knife and fork on his plate,
takes a drink of water, and wipes his mouth with a paper napkin.
"So, while you were swimming, I asked Eri Asai, 'Why won't your
little sister talk to me? Is there something wrong with me?'
"
"What'd she say?"
"That you never take the initiative to talk
to anybody. That you're kinda different, and that even though
you're Japanese you speak more often in Chinese than Japanese. So I
shouldn't worry. She didn't think there was anything especially
wrong with me."
Mari silently crushes her cigarette out in
the ashtray.
"It's true, isn't it? There wasn't anything
especially wrong with me, was there?"
Mari thinks for a moment. "I don't remember
all that well, but I don't think there was anything wrong with
you."
"That's good. I was worried. Of course, I
do have a few things wrong with me, but
those are strictly problems I keep inside. I'd hate to think they
were obvious to anybody else. Especially at a swimming pool in the
summer."
Mari looks at him again as if to confirm the
accuracy of his statement. "I don't think I was aware of any
problems you had inside."
"That's a relief."
"I can't remember your name, though," Mari
says.
"My name?"
"Your name."
He shakes his head. "I don't mind if you
forgot my name. It's about as ordinary as a name can be. Even I
feel like forgetting it sometimes. It's not that easy, though, to
forget your own name. Other people's names—even ones I have to
remember—I'm always forgetting."
He glances out of the window as if in search
of something he should not have lost. Then he turns towards Mari
again.
"One thing always mystified me, and that is,
why didn't your sister ever get into the pool that time? It was a
hot day, and a really nice pool."
Mari looks at him as if to say, You mean you don't get that,
either? "She didn't want her make-up to wash off. It's so
obvious. And you can't really swim in a bathing suit like
that."
"Is that it?" he says. "It's amazing how two
sisters can be so different."
"We live two different lives."
He thinks about her words for a few moments
and then says, "I wonder how it turns out that we all lead such
different lives. Take you and your sister, for example. You're born
to the same parents, you grow up in the same household, you're both
girls. How do you end up with such wildly different personalities?
At what point do you, like, go your separate ways? One puts on a
bikini like little semaphore flags and lies by the pool looking
sexy, and the other puts on her school bathing suit and swims her
heart out like a dolphin..."
Mari looks at him. "Are you asking me to
explain it to you here and now in twenty-five words or less while
you eat your chicken salad?"
He shakes his head. "No, I was just saying
what popped into my head out of curiosity or something. You don't
have to answer. I was just asking myself."
He starts to work on his chicken salad again,
changes his mind, and continues:
"I don't have any brothers or sisters, so I
just wanted to know: up to what point do they resemble each other,
and where do their differences come in?"
Mari remains silent while the young man with
the knife and fork in his hands stares thoughtfully at a point in
space above the table.
Then he says, "I once read a story about
three brothers who washed up on an island in Hawaii. A myth. An old
one. I read it when I was a kid, so I probably don't have the story
exactly right, but it goes something like this. Three brothers went
out fishing and got caught in a storm. They drifted on the ocean
for a long time until they washed up on the shore of an uninhabited
island. It was a beautiful island with coconuts growing there and
tons of fruit on the trees, and a big, high mountain in the middle.
The night they got there, a god appeared in their dreams and said,
'A little farther down the shore, you will find three big, round
boulders. I want each of you to push his boulder as far as he
likes. The place you stop pushing your boulder is where you will
live. The higher you go, the more of the world you will be able to
see from your home. It's entirely up to you how far you want to
push your boulder.' "
The young man takes a drink of water and
pauses for a moment. Mari looks bored, but she is clearly
listening.
"Okay so far?" he asks.
Mari nods.
"Want to hear the rest? If you're not
interested, I can stop."
"If it's not too long."
"No, it's not too long. It's a pretty simple
story."
He takes another sip of water and continues
with his story.
"So the three brothers found three boulders
on the shore just as the god had said they would. And they started
pushing them along as the god told them to. Now these were huge,
heavy boulders, so rolling them was hard, and pushing them up an
incline took an enormous effort. The youngest brother quit first.
He said, 'Brothers, this place is good enough for me. It's close to
the shore, and I can catch fish. It has everything I need to go on
living. I don't mind if I can't see that much of the world from
here.' His two elder brothers pressed on, but when they were midway
up the mountain, the second brother quit. He said, 'Brother, this
place is good enough for me. There is plenty of fruit here. It has
everything I need to go on living. I don't mind if I can't see that
much of the world from here.' The eldest brother continued walking
up the mountain. The trail grew increasingly narrow and steep, but
he did not quit. He had great powers of perseverance, and he wanted
to see as much of the world as he possibly could, so he kept
rolling the boulder with all his might. He went on for months,
hardly eating or drinking, until he had rolled the boulder to the
very peak of the high mountain. There he stopped and surveyed the
world. Now he could see more of the world than anyone. This was the
place he would live—where no grass grew, where no birds flew. For
water, he could only lick the ice and frost. For food, he could
only gnaw on moss. But he had no regrets, because now he could look
out over the whole world. And so, even today, his great, round
boulder is perched on the peak of that mountain on an island in
Hawaii. That's how the story goes."
Silence.
Mari asks, "Is it supposed to have some kind
of moral?"
"Two, probably. The first one," he says,
holding up a finger, "is that people are all different. Even
siblings. And the other one," he says, holding up another finger,
"is that if you really want to know something, you have to be
willing to pay the price."
Mari offers her opinion: "To me, the lives
chosen by the two younger brothers make the most sense."
"True," he concedes. "Nobody wants to go all
the way to Hawaii to stay alive licking frost and eating moss.
That's for sure. But the eldest brother was curious to see as much
of the world as possible, and he couldn't suppress that curiosity,
no matter how big the price was he had to pay."
"Intellectual curiosity."
"Exactly."
Mari went on thinking about this for a while,
one hand perched on her thick book.
"Even if I asked you very politely what
you're reading, you wouldn't tell me, would you?" he
asks.
"Probably not."
"It sure looks heavy."
Mari says nothing.
"It's not the size book most girls carry
around in their bags."
Mari maintains her silence. He gives up and
continues his meal. This time, he concentrates his attention on the
chicken salad and finishes it without a word. He takes his time
chewing and drinks a lot of water. He asks the waitress to refill
his water glass several times. He eats his final piece of
toast.
"Your house was way
out in Hiyoshi, I seem to recall," he says. His empty plates have
been cleared away. Mari nods. "Then you'll never make the last
train. I suppose you can go home by taxi, but the next train's not
until tomorrow morning."
"I know that much," Mari says.
"Just checking," he says.
"I don't know where you live, but haven't you
missed the last train, too?"
"Not so far: I'm in Koenji. But I live alone,
and we're going to be practising all night. Plus if I really have
to get back, my buddy's got a car."
He pats his instrument case like the head of
a favourite dog.
"The band practises in the basement of a
building near here," he says. "We can make all the noise we want
and nobody complains. There's hardly any heat, though, so it gets
pretty cold this time of year. But they're letting us use it for
free, so we take what we can get."
Mari glances at the instrument case. "That a
trombone?"
"That's right! How'd you know?"
"Hell, I know what a trombone looks
like."
"Well, sure, but there are tons of girls who
don't even know the instrument exists. Can't blame 'em, though.
Mick Jagger and Eric Clapton didn't become rock stars playing the
trombone. Ever see Jimi Hendrix or Pete Townshend smash a trombone
on stage? Of course not. The only thing they smash is electric
guitars. If they smashed a trombone, the audience'd
laugh."
"So why did you choose the
trombone?"
He puts cream in his newly arrived coffee and
takes a sip.
"When I was in middle school, I happened to
buy a jazz record called Blues-ette at a
used record store. An old LP. I can't remember why I bought it at
the time. I had never heard any jazz before. But anyway, the first
tune on side A was 'Five Spot After Dark,' and it was great. A guy named Curtis Fuller played the trombone
on it. The first time I heard it, I felt the scales fall from my
eyes. That's it, I thought. That's the instrument for me. The trombone and me:
it was a meeting arranged by destiny."
The young man hums the first eight bars of
"Five Spot After Dark."
"I know that," says Mari.
He looks baffled. "You do?"
Mari hums the next eight bars.
"How do you know that?" he asks.
"Is it against the law for me to know
it?"
He sets his cup down and lightly shakes his
head. "No, not at all. But, I don't know, it's incredible. For a
girl nowadays to know 'Five Spot After Dark'… Well, anyway, Curtis
Fuller gave me goose bumps, and that got me started playing the
trombone. I borrowed money from my parents, bought a used
instrument, and joined the school band. Then in high school I
started doing different stuff with bands. At first I was backing up
a rock band, sort of like the old Tower of Power. Do you know Tower
of Power?"
Mari shakes her head.
"It doesn't matter," he says. "Anyhow, that's
what I used to do, but now I'm purely into plain, simple jazz. My
university's not much of a school, but we've got a pretty good
band."
The waitress comes to refill his water glass,
but he waves her off. He glances at his watch. "It's time for me to
get out of here."
Mari says nothing. Her face says, Nobody's stopping you.
"Of course everybody comes late."
Mari offers no comment on that, either.
"Hey, say hi from me to your sister,
okay?"
"You can do it yourself, can't you? You know
our phone number. How can I say hi from you? I don't even know your
name."
He thinks about that for a moment. "Suppose I
call your house and Eri Asai answers, what am I supposed to talk
about?"
"Get her to help you plan a class reunion,
maybe. You'll think of something."
"I'm not much of a talker. Never have
been."
"I'd say you've been talking a lot to
me."
"With you, I can talk, somehow."
"With me, you can talk, somehow," she parrots him. "But with my sister, you
can't talk?"
"Probably not."
"Because of too much intellectual
curiosity?"
I wonder, says his
vague expression. He starts to say something, changes his mind, and
stops. He takes a deep breath. He picks up the bill from the table
and begins calculating the money in his head.
"I'll leave what I owe. Can you pay for us
both later?"
Mari nods.
He glances first at her and then at her book.
After a moment's indecision he says, "I know this is none of my
business, but is something wrong? Like, problems with your
boyfriend or a big fight with your family? I mean, staying in town
alone by yourself all night… "
Mari puts on her glasses and stares up at
him. The silence between them is tense and chilly. He raises both
palms towards her as if to say, Sorry for
butting in.
"I'll probably be back here around five in
the morning for a snack," he says. "I'll be hungry again. I hope I
see you then."
"Why?"
"Hmm, I wonder why."
" 'Cause you're worried about me?"
"That's part of it."
" 'Cause you want me to say hi to my
sister?"
"That might be a little part of it,
too."
"My sister wouldn't know the difference
between a trombone and a toaster. She could tell the difference
between a Gucci and a Prada at a glance, though, I'm pretty
sure."
"Everybody's got their own battlefields," he
says with a smile.
He takes a notebook from his coat pocket and
writes something in it with a ballpoint pen. He tears the page out
and hands it to her.
"This is the number of my cellphone. Call me
if anything happens. Uh, do you have a
cellphone?"
Mari shakes her head.
"I didn't think so," he says as if impressed.
"I sorta had this gut feeling, like, 'I'll bet she doesn't like
cellphones." '
The young man stands and puts on his leather
coat. He picks up his trombone case. A hint of his smile still
remains as he says, "See ya."
Mari nods, expressionless. Without really
looking at the scrap of paper, she places it on the table next to
the bill. She holds her breath for a moment, props her chin on her
hand, and goes back to her book. Burt Bacharach's "The April Fools"
plays through the restaurant at low volume.