Learned Latin for Lovers—
SERMO LATINUS DOCTUS AMATORIBUS

I’m only repeating a query that dates back to the Chaldeans, but may I ask, what is your sign?

Si modo licet mihi te rogare idem quod antiqui Chaldaei suas puellas rogare solebant—quo signo nata es?

I think it was Pliny the Elder—or was it Pliny the Younger?—who first pioneered the concept of self-introduction by way of the purchase of a libation, and it is really in homage to him that I am moved to offer to buy you a drink

Credo Gaium Plinium Secundum Maiorem—aut Gaium Plinium Caecilium Secundum Minorem—instituisse ut vir, qui se notiorem puellae facere vellet, ei aliquid liquoris Lyaei compararet; itaque in commemorationem illius iuvat potiunculam tibi praebere

Cicero phrased it best, and I am merely quoting the master when I am driven to remark, “Nice tits.”

Hoc Marcus Tullius optime verbis expressit, neque profero alia quam ipsissima verba optimi omnium oratorum cum adsevero te venustas habere mammas

* Cicero phrased it best, and I am merely quoting the master when I am driven to remark, “Nice tits.”

** It is required of you to go fuck yourself.

Just as Aeneas inquired of Dido in Book Four of the Aeneid after stating his desire to install his obelisk in her temple of love, your place or mine?

A te quaeso, sicut in Aeneidos libro quarto Aeneas, elocutus desiderium erigendi suum obeliscum in templo Venereo Didonis, ab ea quaesivit, tuae domi an meae?

In the deathless words of the great philosopher-emperor Marcus Aurelius, of course I will respect you in the morning

Si me decet immortalia verba usurpare Marci Aurelii, imperatoris illustris philosophici, certe apud me in honore eris, cras mane