Nineteen

It was late, past ten, when Natalie finally got home on Tuesday night. That was why she was surprised to see that Gary’s van was still parked outside.

She stood at the top of the stairs down into the basement and listened. Her mother had music on and was obviously cooking. Somehow she had conned Gary into staying for dinner again, probably with God knew what nefarious intentions, but Gary, who was no fool, couldn’t have minded too much because he was still here, after all. Perhaps that was why he didn’t fancy her, Natalie thought irritably, perhaps he liked his women wrinkly and sun-dried. In any event, Natalie was not in the mood for either of them just at that moment. Not her mother’s drunken flirtation or Gary’s inexplicable sexiness. Instead, she unbuckled poor exhausted Freddie and lifted him out of his buggy, deciding to take him upstairs to see if he was hungry. She needed to get her head around what had happened and to work out the extent of her responsibility for it.

When she had come up with her wild plan yesterday at Jess’s flat to spy on Meg’s husband, she could never have guessed in a million years that it would end the way it had. What she had seen Meg go through this afternoon had certainly put her own problems into perspective, because even though what had happened with Jack had devastated her and knocked her right off her feet, she knew that one day she would recover from it.

She didn’t think Meg would ever be able to recover from what she had been through today.

 

At first their expedition had been quite fun when Natalie, Jess, and Meg met up that morning to implement the master plan that Natalie had conceived at yesterday’s baby group. They decided they were going to carry out their “mission” and then go for a late lunch on Upper Street. They planned on picking an especially snooty Italian restaurant where their children would annoy and frustrate the mostly childless diners.

They had been laughing in the cab because three women, three babies in buggies, and one two-year-old were not the most ideal grouping when it came to a spot of espionage. They had joked about getting some camouflage gear or dressing James up as a pot plant.

“It’s okay,” Natalie said when the cab dropped them off on Upper Street close to Robert’s head office. “In fact, the kids are perfect cover. We are a bunch of mothers out shopping. We happened to be passing and you, Meg, thought you’d drop in so James could say hi to his daddy.”

Meg’s smile rapidly faded into an anxious grimace.

“But Robert hates me turning up at work unannounced,” she said. “He says it’s frowned upon by management. And anyway, he won’t be there. He told me he’s driving out to Surrey to meet clients and won’t be back until late.”

“He doesn’t have to be there, trust me,” Natalie said. “In fact, if he’s not there, that’s all the better. You can pop into his office on the pretext of leaving him a note, and have a snoop at his e-mails and rifle through his drawers while you’re there. Meanwhile, Jess and I will introduce ourselves to any available coworkers and find out if any have names beginning with L, and if they do, whether they look like a cheap whoring tart or not.”

Meg’s face looked anxious and full of uncertainty, and for a moment Natalie had wondered if it wouldn’t be better for them to turn around, go back to Meg’s, drink tea, and convince themselves that nothing was going on. After all, Natalie more or less lived her life by the it-will-be-fine-in-the-end principle, even if the end never quite seemed in sight. Who was she of all people to force Meg into confronting something she didn’t want to? Particularly when in her own very recent experience, facing the truth was not nearly as rewarding as it was made out to be.

“Come on, Meg,” Jess said, before Natalie could suggest they retreat. “Like you say, it’s probably nothing to worry about. And you dropping into the office doesn’t have to mean anything. It’s just you taking some friends to meet your husband. After all, you’re walking past the door, you’re married to him, and you’ve borne him four children. I think you have a right to pop in, don’t you?”

Meg steeled herself.

“I do,” she said. “I do have a right to pop into my husband’s office. Of course I do.” She smiled at the other two. “After all, it’s no big deal, is it?”

The offices at Pharmacentric weren’t designed to be buggy-friendly. It took a few minutes to get them all through the turnstiles and past the security guard before they even approached the single and quite cramped elevator.

“I think we’ve blown our cover,” Natalie joked in an attempt to dispel the tension in the elevator as it lurched up to the third floor. “I think that guard guessed we’re not Russians using the babies to smuggle out some secret microfilm that we plan to take with the miniature cameras hidden in their pacifiers.”

And they were actually laughing when they rolled the buggies out of the elevator, even Meg. She smiled at the extremely glamorous middle-aged lady who was sitting at the reception desk opposite the elevator.

“Hello, Yvonne,” Meg said warmly. “How are you?”

Natalie had noticed that Yvonne’s genuine smile at seeing Meg seemed to fade fleetingly, as if something that had just occurred to her clouded her pleasure as she returned the greeting.

“Meg,” Yvonne said warmly. “Little James, isn’t it?—and the new baby! We weren’t expecting you. Robert’s not in the office at the moment.”

“Oh? Isn’t he?” Meg did a rather bad job of feigning surprise. “Silly me.”

Yvonne’s smile seemed frozen for a second, and then as if remembering her manners, she stood up and peered over the reception desk. “Look at her,” she cooed at Iris, who was fast asleep in her buggy. “She’s absolutely beautiful, and still so small…Four months is she now?”

Natalie remembered thinking it was strange that Yvonne seemed so touched by how small Iris was and had not commented on how much she had grown and how time had flown since her birth, because that was almost the stock response for any given person meeting any given baby. It was surprising too that Yvonne wasn’t smiling as she admired Iris.

“I is big,” James said, drawing himself up to his full two feet and puffing out his chest. “Like my daddy.”

“You are, darling,” Yvonne said, sitting back down on her chair, this time mustering a smile for James. “You are a lovely, big, strong, handsome boy, who’s going to break a few hearts one day I don’t doubt…” She glanced at her watch.

“Well, lovely to see you again, Meg,” she said, obviously meaning it as a farewell.

“A-hem.” Jess coughed melodramatically and waggled her eyebrows at Meg, looking so comical that Natalie had to turn her face away and stifle a giggle in her hair.

“Don’t forget that thing,” Jess urged, nodding at Meg. “You know, the thing that was the reason why you had to pop in?”

Meg looked blank, like an actor who has just forgotten her lines in front of a full house.

“That note you wanted to leave in Robert’s office,” Natalie prompted her pointedly. “If he wasn’t in when you popped by? Remember? You said you wanted to leave a note in his office?”

“Oh yes!” Meg said, going a bit pink. “Sorry, Yvonne—do you mind if I pop into his office to leave a note on his desk? A few bits and pieces I’d like him to bring home, if he ever comes home, that is!” Meg laughed, but even though Yvonne chuckled along with her she seemed unable to look her directly in the eye.

“Of course,” she said. “Go ahead.”

Meg left Iris and James with Jess and Natalie as she went into Robert’s office.

“I’ve heard a lot about this company,” Natalie lied shamelessly to Yvonne. She had no idea what Pharmacentric did, only that Robert was in some kind of sales. “Do you enjoy working here?”

“Oh yes,” Yvonne said, seemingly very interested in the movements of the elevator while maintaining her professional charm. “It’s a good bunch of people.”

“I heard that Robert’s assistant is excellent. I’m looking for a new assistant for my business. I was thinking about trying to poach his—what was her name again?”

Yvonne looked a little puzzled.

“Brian,” she said. “Young Brian, he’s a graduate trainee, keen to get into sales. Robert’s training him on the job.”

“Oh, that’s right,” Natalie said, exchanging a look with Jess, who seemed to be on the brink of a fit of giggles. “Brian. Brian the Brain, I’ve heard Robert calls him.”

“Does he?” Yvonne looked nonplussed. “I’ve heard Robert call him a lot of things but never that.” Yvonne dipped her head back to her computer screen, where she was inputting some information.

Natalie and Jess exchanged a frenzy of facial expressions over Yvonne’s head which could have been loosely interpreted as:

“Go on then!”

“No you go on then!”

“Ask her!”

“You ask her!”

“Do you need the potty?” James asked them both.

“No, thank you, James,” Natalie said, her voice vibrating with repressed laughter. “I’m fine on that front.” She raised her eyebrows at Jess and added heavily, “I’ve got guts of steel. Never been known to back down from a challenge.”

Jess rolled her eyes and after a second’s thought, addressed Yvonne directly.

“Now I come to think of it, I used to go to school with someone who works here,” she said, struggling to keep a straight face. “Have you got a Lucy?” Yvonne looked blank. “Oh wait, I mean Lorna…or…Laura or possibly Linda…I mean, I don’t remember her name exactly, only that it begins with an el and I heard she works here now?”

“Lynne, Lynne Sisely—is that who you mean?” Yvonne looked uneasily at the elevator doors when she said the name.

“That’s her,” Jess said, catching Natalie’s eye. “Lynne—what’s her job here again?”

“Lynne’s a sales manager. Does all the head office liaison.”

“You should pop in and say hello to her,” Natalie told Jess. “Is Lynne in her office?”

Yvonne looked stricken.

“No, no, she isn’t.” She looked at her watch and back at the elevator doors. “Meg seems to be writing him a very long note, I wonder if she…”

The elevator bell pinged. Natalie was certain that Yvonne held her breath for the two seconds it took for the doors to slide open, revealing a couple of young men in suits.

“Here I am!” Meg reappeared, reaching out her hand to James as she smiled at Yvonne. “Sorry I’ve been so long, it took me ages to find a pen, would you believe? Well, we’d better be off. Lovely to see you again, Yvonne.”

“And you, Megan,” Yvonne said. She suddenly reached across the desk and laid a hand on Meg’s forearm. “It really is lovely to see you again, and your children. They are so beautiful.”

“Thank you.” Meg looked about, confused by the unexpected rush of affection from Yvonne.

“So?” Jess asked her once they were crammed into the elevator. “What did you find out while you were in there?”

“What do you mean, what did I find out?” Meg said.

“All that time you were ‘looking for a pen,’” Natalie prompted Jess. “Did you check his e-mails?”

“Or look in his desk?” Jess added.

“No!” Meg sounded shocked. “I really was looking for a pen.”

Natalie and Jess groaned in unison.

“Look,” Meg said, as the slow and rickety elevator rumbled to a stop on the ground floor. “While I was in there I was thinking, what on earth am I doing? I’m being crazy. I’ve just had the most wonderful weekend with my husband in ages, he even came home early last night. He put the kids to bed and we had Chinese food and a bottle of wine on the floor in front of the TV, just like when we were first together. The truth is we’ve had a rough patch and maybe I don’t know all the reasons why, but if we’re through it and if we’re fine, then maybe I don’t need to know. Things are really good at the moment so why would I, based on hardly any evidence at all, rifle through his desk looking for proof of an affair? It would be wrong, like a violation of our relationship. When he gets in tonight, I’ll just ask him about it like a woman who has a good relationship with her husband can, and he’ll have a perfectly good explanation…”

It was at that moment that the elevator doors slid open. What the three women and assorted infants saw revealed before them like a tableau in Greek tragedy took some moments to absorb.

For a microsecond Natalie thought that the couple locked in a wet and passionate kiss as they waited for the elevator to come were guilty of poor taste and nothing more.

But then she turned and saw the look of frozen horror on Meg’s face, and she realized that the couple were not just any people.

The man had to be Robert, and the woman, if Natalie’s guesswork proved correct, was the infamous Lynne Sisely.

The elevator doors shut again without Robert or his friend seeing them.

“Who was the lady Daddy was kissing bye-byes to?” James asked his mother innocently.

Instinctively, Natalie slid her arms under Meg’s elbows and supported her friend as her knees buckled beneath her. If it had been possible for Meg to collapse in that small and airless space, Natalie was certain she would have done so. She would have lain on the floor and screamed her head off if it had not been for the lack of floor and her children. Instead, she gripped Natalie’s wrist tightly in her fingers, until the flesh around them went white, and she stood her ground.

“What do we do?” Jess asked Natalie. “Do we go up again?”

“Yes,” Natalie began. “I think we should go up and wait…”

“No,” Meg said, her voice quiet but strong. “No, we don’t go up. We go out.”

“Are you sure?” Natalie asked her. “Maybe you need a little time to collect your thoughts…”

But to Natalie’s amazement, Meg took a deep breath and let go of her wrist. Reaching out, she pushed the “open” button.

This time Robert and Lynne were not entangled when the doors opened, and Robert’s eye met Meg’s.

Natalie seemed to remember everything that happened in the seconds that followed as a series of stills—almost like a photostory on the problem page of a tabloid newspaper.

Robert’s face grew ashen the moment he recognized his wife and children standing in the elevator in front of him, and in that same moment he dropped Lynne’s hand and took a step away from her.

Meg advanced out of the elevator, just like, Natalie thought as she remembered the scene, Queen Boudicca about to confront thousands of Roman soldiers, defiant even in the face of certain death.

Lynne Sisely looked for a moment as if she was going to make a run for the stairs, but her face hardened and she didn’t move. She was staying to fight her corner, Natalie realized, and at the same time Natalie resolved not to let Lynne get in the way of anything Meg and her husband had to say to each other.

“Darling,” Robert said, his voice shaky. “What a lovely surprise.”

“I saw you,” was all that Meg managed to say, her voice tight as if her throat was constricted by some external pressure.

“Yes, I know, I was supposed to be in Surrey, wasn’t I? But the clients just canceled. So inconsiderate—but at least I’ll be home early; we can all have dinner together, hey, James?” Robert addressed his son, who, perhaps sensing the crackling tension in the air, had retreated behind Meg’s long skirt and didn’t seem terribly keen on coming out any time soon.

Robert walked forward and made an attempt to kiss Meg, but she shook him off, barely managing to suppress her emotion.

“James,” Jess called lightly as she took the handle of Iris’s buggy and guided it, along with her own, toward the door. “Help me with Iris’s pram and you and I can look at the sweet shop next door. We might find you a lollipop. We’ll wait for Mommy there.”

It seemed that the lure of candy was all that could persuade James to tear his eyes away from his parents and follow Jess as she made a hasty if haphazard exit.

Natalie did not move except to position herself and Freddie at Meg’s shoulder.

“Meg.” Robert’s face looked so full of tender concern that for a moment Natalie thought it was Lynne who was going to clock him one. “This isn’t what it looks like.”

“I saw you kissing her,” Meg said, her tone now taut, edged with disgust but clear. “Groping her. Tell me, how is that not what it looks like?”

Robert seemed to struggle to catch up with the turn of events.

“Meg, I…” Possibly he thought that he would be able to explain himself. But Meg had other ideas.

“When you came home hours late on Saturday night you had spent the day with her, hadn’t you?” She wasn’t so much asking him as telling him. “You got out of her bed and into mine, didn’t you? You had sex with me, knowing you’d just been screwing her.”

The alien sound of Meg’s voice swearing seemed finally to make Robert understand how serious the situation was. His face blanched white and Natalie could see genuine panic in his eyes. Was it losing Meg that concerned him or was it just being found out? She couldn’t tell.

“Look, we need to talk,” he said eventually, “but not here, not like this—let’s go home…”

“Why?” Meg said as if she couldn’t hear his pleas. “Why, Robert? Don’t you have enough? What about your children? Did you give them a single thought while you were doing this? I just can’t…I can’t believe this is happening to us…”

“I needed someone who was there for me,” Robert began with a determination to be heard.

Meg looked from Robert to the highly colored Lynne, and Natalie guessed that in that nanosecond she had pictured them in each other’s arms and she couldn’t bear what she saw.

“I can’t…I just can’t.” Meg began to head for the door.

“I don’t love her!” Robert said as he followed her. “I love you.”

Natalie blocked Lynne’s attempt to follow Robert with Freddie’s buggy.

“Oh dear,” she said to Lynne with an icy little smile. “He doesn’t love you, apparently. You wait, he’ll be saying he was using you for sex next.”

“He doesn’t mean it,” Lynne said, watching her lover chase after his wife. “He told me he loved me, loads of times.”

Robert had caught Meg by the door, grabbing hold of her forearms.

“It’s you that I love, Meg, it’s you that I want. This thing with…her, it was nothing, it was just sex, I promise you. I thought it might be love, but then on Saturday night I realized it was you I love, you and our children—I always have!”

“Usually I hate to say I told you so, but in this case I’ll make an exception,” Natalie said to Lynne. “That was all you were to him—sex.”

“Just sex!” Meg shouted, looking as if every word she was speaking was causing her physical pain. “Just sex? How can you say that it’s just anything? It’s everything, Robert! It’s years of trust and love and intimacy ruined, all ruined, and if you realized on Saturday night that you loved me, how come you are still managing to have sex with her on Monday lunchtime?”

Robert was speechless for a second or two, and then he seemed to realize where he was. He was standing in the foyer of his office building with a street full of shoppers walking by outside and a couple of security guards and God knew how many security cameras watching his wife screaming abuse at him.

“Look, I’ll come home with you,” he said levelly to Meg, as if she was being needlessly hysterical and he was the sensible one. Both Natalie and Lynne gasped as Meg turned around and shoved him so hard that he staggered back and fell over, sprawling at her feet.

“Don’t bother.” Meg looked down at him. “Don’t bother coming home now or ever. It’s too late.”

Natalie watched her walk out of the building and she saw Robert staring after her, sprawled on the floor, finally calculating what he had risked and probably lost.

She looked at Lynne, whose skin was blotched and angry. She looked older than she probably was, haggard and worried. She looked like a woman who was tired of being alone and who thought she had finally found someone to love her, even if he was never there when she woke up in the morning. If Natalie hadn’t hated her quite so much she might even have felt sorry for her. But she did hate her, very much.

“He is leaving her for me,” Lynne said to Natalie. “He said he loves me.”

Natalie took a step closer to Lynne and looked her up and down.

“I’m not a perfect person, Lynne. I’ve been around the block a good few times. Even had more than one boyfriend at once on occasion. But I tell you one thing I have never done. I’ve never, ever gone after a man who’s married, let alone one with children. I’ve never been so pathetic and so desperate that I’d want to break up a family and do that to another woman.” Natalie leaned even closer to Lynne’s face. “If you know what’s good for you, you’ll pull yourself together and have some self-respect. You are pitiful.”

Lynne took her eyes off Robert and glared at Natalie.

“But I love him,” she told her with complete conviction.

“Then I feel sorry for you. I really do. You’ve wasted your love on someone who won’t ever love you back.”

“Just who do you think you are?” Lynne shouted at her furiously.

Natalie smiled back at her serenely. “A better person than you,” she said. She wheeled Freddie’s buggy over Lynne’s toes as she left. “And it’s not often I get to say that.”

 

When they got back to Meg’s house, it was time for the older children to be picked up from school. Meg had asked for some time to get herself together and had gone up to her room with Gripper closely at her heels. Natalie thought it was best to leave her to herself for a while to let the events of the day truly sink in. She and Jess would be there when Meg needed them.

Jess volunteered to go and fetch Alex and Hazel.

“I can go if you like,” Natalie said, as Jess zipped up her jacket in the hallway, but Jess shook her head.

“I don’t know what to say to her,” she said. “I can’t get my head round it. You should stay with her. You always know the right thing to say.”

“Do I?” Natalie said thoughtfully. If it was true it was news to her.

“Well, better than me,” Jess said. She had started to unfold her buggy again. “I realized something today. I was a bit jealous of Meg, because she seemed to have it all, didn’t she? This house, no money worries, four healthy children, and a husband who earns big bucks. But she doesn’t have the one thing that I have got, the one thing I couldn’t have coped without over the last few years. She doesn’t have a partner she can truly trust. We’re luckier than we realized, aren’t we?”

“Lee is a good man by the sound of it,” Natalie said with a smile. “Listen, you can leave Jacob here if you like. I might as well watch him along with James, Iris, and Freddie—that way you’ll have one less child to manage on the way back and two free hands for road crossing.”

Jess looked down at the half-erected buggy for a few seconds and then back up at Natalie. “It’s stupid, I know,” she said awkwardly. “And trivial, considering everything that’s happened, not to mention probably pointless considering he’s been with them all day, but I’m worried about Jacob catching their cold. I mean, I’m worried sick.” She caught her lip in her teeth.

“He’s not been ill yet,” she went on. “Not properly. And I fall to pieces if he cries a lot or has a bit of heat rash. I don’t know how I’ll cope when he’s really ill. I know I can’t avoid it, but it terrifies me, Natalie. What if I can’t look after him, what if he gets really ill and…?”

Natalie realized what Jess was about to say and tried her best to make light of her fears.

“That won’t happen, Jess, honestly. Babies are really strong,” she said. “They are much tougher than we think. They don’t just die!”

The moment she said the last word in that sentence, Natalie knew by the look on Jess’s face that she absolutely did not have the knack for saying the right thing.

“Oh, Jess, I’m sorry, what have I said?” Natalie reached out and touched Jess’s arms. “I was only joking, or at least trying to—are you okay?”

Jess sat down heavily on the stairs. “I’ve lost two babies,” she said bleakly. “One to miscarriage and one was stillborn. They both just died, Natalie, and nobody really knows why. No reason, they said at the hospital. No reason? So babies do die and they die for no reason, I know they do.”

“Oh, Jess,” Natalie said. “I can’t believe how thoughtless I was.”

“You didn’t know.” Jess offered the empty platitude.

“It must have devastated you,” Natalie said, the final facets of Jess’s sometimes fragile personality slipping into place. “It must have made your pregnancy with Jacob very frightening.”

Jess nodded and rubbed her eyes with clenched fists.

“At the hospital after I had delivered my little girl, they brought her to me. They wrapped her up in this soft white blanket and put her into my arms. She was tiny, but so perfect. I looked at her and I couldn’t understand how someone so beautiful, so perfect-looking could just die. Her little face was so pale and still, like a porcelain doll’s, and I wished and wished for her to open her eyes. I never got the chance to look into her eyes.”

“Oh, Jess,” Natalie whispered.

“Sometimes I’ll wake up in the middle of the night with a start and for a few seconds before I tune in to Jacob’s crying or realize that I need the loo I’ll see him lying like that in his cot, pale and still. I have to go and hold him, wake him up even, until I can make the nightmare go away.”

Natalie knelt in front of Jess on the tiles in the hall and put her arms around her.

“I shouldn’t be telling you this now,” Jess said apologetically. “Not when Meg needs us. But I’ve wanted to tell you all for some time now. I just didn’t know how to; people feel awkward and embarrassed when they know, they stop looking me in the eye for a while.”

“Of course you should tell us,” Natalie said. “And it’s no surprise that you feel so frightened and so anxious about Jacob’s well-being. You’d be strange if you didn’t fret about him, especially after what’s happened to you. But I look at you, Jess, and all I can see is an amazingly courageous woman.” Natalie brushed the hair back from Jess’s face and tilted her head upward. “You have been brave enough and strong enough to face some truly terrible ordeals, and you’ve come through them with a partner who loves you and a happy, healthy baby boy. And don’t you think that if you are courageous enough to survive that, then you owe it to yourself and to Lee and Jacob not to falter now? Sometimes you have to be just as brave and courageous to be happy.”

Jess gave Natalie a watery smile. “You are a very wise person,” she told her.

Natalie sat back on her heels, then she shook her head. “I’m so not,” she replied, a little embarrassed. “I just want to see you happy and relaxed, enjoying your lovely boy.”

Jess nodded as she stood up and kicked the buggy so that it clicked shut. “I’ll leave Jacob here with you,” she said.

“Are you sure?” Natalie asked her. “I mean, I can go if you like and you stay with the babies?”

“No, you’re right, it’s getting cold out there and it would probably be just as bad for him to be out in this weather. I’ll go and get Alex and Hazel alone.” She smiled. “I need some fresh air to clear my head anyway.”

“Have you remembered the password?” Natalie asked Jess as she held the front door open. She was referring to the secret word that Jess had to give to be able to collect the children from school.

“Yes, Armageddon,” Jess said. It had doubtless been meant as a joke when Meg thought of it months ago. But as Meg’s world seemed to be coming to a violent and destructive end, it didn’t seem very funny anymore.

 

Natalie laid Freddie down in his cot and rocked him, watching the two bright points of reflected light in his eyes in the darkness until finally he couldn’t fight sleep anymore and his lids flickered shut.

The last couple of days had been nothing like she had envisioned. For one thing, she had had no chance to get her own pointless secret off her chest and tell the baby group the truth about her and Freddie. But she thought of the look on Jess’s face as she told Natalie about her lost babies. And she thought of Meg as she had left her, shell-shocked and utterly powerless to change what was happening to her life. And Tiffany’s face as her mother had asked her to leave. Those women had all been through something awful, something that it would be impossible to recover from without the utmost strength of will.

All that had really happened to her was that she’d met a man and they’d spent a few great days together that had turned out rather differently from how either of them had expected. Perhaps she had spent the intervening months between then and now building their encounter into something much more significant and important than it really was, because she had needed that crutch of expectation to keep her going. At least she now knew where she stood, and a bruised heart and hurt pride were small prices to pay for the precious legacy that would bring her a lifetime of love and happiness: a son who had maybe made her a better person than she had ever been. In comparison to her friends she had hardly suffered at all.

Yet if there was any tragedy, any victim, in what Natalie and Jack had stumbled into, it was Freddie. Poor little Freddie, who didn’t have a clue as to what was going on around him.

But at least he felt safe and secure and loved, Natalie was sure of it. And if she could keep him feeling that way from this moment on until the day she died, at least she’d be doing something right. She’d be doing her best for him.

That was something she could get right.