Twelve

Inevitably the cab sailed past Natalie and her friends, utterly oblivious to her plight.

“Oh,” Natalie said rather sheepishly as she watched it go. “Missed it.”

She made herself look at Jack in the most casual and offhand way she could manage. If looking like a petrified rabbit caught in the headlights of an oncoming juggernaut qualified as nonchalant in this sort of situation, she succeeded.

“Jack!” she managed to say, dismayed to notice that he actually looked better than when she had last seen him, as if the past year had somehow roughed him up a bit in a good way. His smooth, light skin was now tanned, which made his dark eyes look even more intense, and his hair was much shorter, shaved almost right to his head. He was thinner, almost slight, and not at all the muscle-bound god that her electrician was, for example. But still, looking at him here in the flesh made her heart beat faster.

It took every ounce of precious energy she had left to haul her emotions under some semblance of control.

“Natalie, well…” Jack said her name again, and looked once in both directions as if searching for an emergency exit. He refocused on her reluctantly, and smiled stiffly. “It’s been a long time. How have you been?”

“Oh well, you know,” Natalie said. “I’m busy. Very busy.”

Jack maintained his rather stiff smile as he looked at her, making her feel like some mildly amusing exhibit at the zoo. She could feel the almost molten interest of her friends at her shoulders, like red-hot laser beams boring into her back. She knew they were waiting to be introduced to this man, but she decided to ignore them. She was afraid of introducing him. She had absolutely no idea how to introduce him, especially not to those two. Perhaps something like, “Meet Jack; an expert in meaningless one-night stands and begetter of love children extraordinaire!”

Jack’s false smile dropped for a moment. “You look really well,” he said. It didn’t help that it was exactly what Natalie’s mother had said to her that morning—that platitude that meant nothing.

“Do I?” Natalie attempted to sound unimpressed, but instead managed only incredulity. There was a breath of silence as the two looked at each other, both seemingly trying to navigate the least painful route out of the situation. For Natalie, the choice of direction was easy. She realized that the longer she stood there staring at Jack Newhouse, the more chance there was of everything going terribly wrong. She wasn’t ready for that particular conversation, especially not here and now and in front of Jess and Meg. The direction she most wanted to go in was the opposite one to Jack, and preferably at high speed. Still, she could not let this moment go. A happy coward she may have been once, but that was before she made her vow to Freddie, a vow that required a brave woman to keep it.

“Actually, Jack.” Natalie steeled herself. “I’m glad I ran into you. I had heard you were back in town and I was going to call you and see if we could meet up for a drink or dinner maybe?” She was all too aware from the frankly appalled look on Jack’s face that she sounded as if she were asking him out on a date.

“Well, of course that would be great but…” Jack took another step back from her, obviously struggling to tag an excuse onto the end of that “but.” “Well…I can see your friends are waiting for you, so shall I call you?”

Natalie forced herself to persist. “I don’t suppose you still have my number, do you?” she asked him bluntly. He did not reply. “So let’s arrange it now, shall we?”

“Now.” Jack repeated the word with an edge of worry. “Now, you say…Look, Natalie, I don’t know if you’re still upset about what happened or not, but I hope you’ll believe me when I say that I am sorry.” Jack looked hopeful that his apology would get Natalie off his back and out of his life.

“Don’t worry, Jack,” she reassured him. “I’m not some vengeful homicidal chick. I’m not even trying to pick you up. I don’t think of you in that way at all. I just thought it might be…useful to catch up.” It was a blatant lie, but one that made Natalie feel a little more comfortable in this acutely uncomfortable situation.

She realized she had to handle this carefully. If she was too demanding, he’d run a mile from her. “I just thought it might be nice.”

Jack looked at her thoughtfully as he considered her proposal. This was not what Natalie had expected, this period of pondering. She had expected either a quick no or a resigned yes. This apparent indecision was even more insulting than when he had seemed keen to run away from her.

“I’ve got somewhere to be right now,” he said, probably meaning a date. He glanced at his watch and then looked at Natalie again. He was genuinely unsure whether or not to meet her, she realized with horror. It was a difficult decision for him; what she couldn’t understand, when she had told him outright she was not after him, was why.

Then quite suddenly he smiled at her, a deep, genuine smile that lit up his taut face and made Natalie’s treacherous heart back-flip with joy.

He took a step closer to her, and she could feel his hot breath on her cheek. For the briefest moment she closed her eyes and wondered how it was possible that any single human being could have this kind of effect on another, the kind of effect that Jack Newhouse was having on her right at that moment and without even touching her. She could sense the heat of his skin even beneath the two or three layers of clothing he was wearing. It was insane how much she just wanted to forget everything that had happened, grab him, and hold his body next to hers. It was pure unadulterated madness, and if all it was was some chemical or biological reaction that her free will had no control over, it wasn’t fair. It simply was not just.

“I do feel bad about the way we left things,” Jack said, his voice low. “And believe me, it’s not like the real me at all.”

Natalie looked up at him then; his dark eyes seemed honest and open, but she’d seen that look before. Little did he know that he had turned her world upside down, and still less did he know that she was about to do exactly the same thing to him. She just wished the thought of it gave her more satisfaction.

“Good, because actually, Jack,” she said, “we do need to talk.”

“I’m staying at a friend’s place while she’s abroad,” Jack interrupted her. Natalie heard the “she” and tried to look unmoved by it. At least he was not staying at her place while she was in the country, which was something. “It’s on Willoughby Street, opposite the British Museum. How about dinner tonight? Not here, I suppose…somewhere in Soho? You probably already have plans.”

Well, Natalie thought, if he was trying to flatter her, he was doing a good job, and she supposed she did sort of have a date. With her baby. She toyed with the idea of saying she did have a date tonight and that they’d have to make it another time, but she didn’t, for two reasons. First, she really wanted to see Jack again alone, whatever the circumstances, and secondly her promise to Freddie meant that playing games with Jack was not the way to go about it.

“No,” she said, praying her mother would be up for a bit more babysitting. “I can make it—what time?”

“How about I book somewhere and you call for me at eight?” Jack asked her. “Number Two, Willoughby Street. The top bell.”

Natalie nodded. “Okay.”

“Good, see you then,” he said, beginning to walk away.

“Jack!” Natalie stopped him in his tracks before he’d taken two steps. “Jack, you will be there, won’t you?”

Jack frowned and she knew the pleading tone of her question must confuse him, not to mention Meg and Jess. But still she had to ask it because if he wasn’t there, if he stood her up, she didn’t know if she’d have the strength or the will to try to face him again.

Unbelievably, he paused once more before answering. “I will,” he said, and then he turned his back on her and disappeared into the crowd of Saturday shoppers.

For quite some time Natalie just stood there and looked at the place where he had been.

“Who was that man?” Jess said. “You’re not really going to meet him on your own, are you? What about Gary?”

Natalie laughed, amused by the scandalized look on Jess’s face. “He was someone I spent a few days with just before I met Gary,” she said, mingling half-truths so easily that momentarily she quite forgot that there was no Gary, at least not one she was married to. “It was a very intense affair. He fell instantly for me and he wants to see me again.”

“Are you sure about that?” Jess asked her, looking puzzled. “No offense, Natalie, but he didn’t seem that keen.”

“That’s his way of hiding his keenness,” Natalie told her. “Anyway, it doesn’t matter because I’m only going to see him to tell him about Gary and to let him down gently.”

“Are you sure it’s a good idea?” Meg asked her with some concern. “Seeing an old flame while your husband is away?”

“It’s fine,” Natalie said. “I am completely in control of the situation. I’ll tell him about Freddie the minute I get there, of course I will.”

“And Gary,” Jess said.

A preoccupied Natalie looked blank for a moment.

“Your husband, Natalie!” Meg said, laughing nervously.

“Oh yes, and Gary,” Natalie said a little vaguely. “Of course I’ll tell him about Gary too.”