SCENE 2.

The Death Star plans we could not find herein,

Nor are they on the main computer, Lord.

In short, they are not here, and there’s an end.

Thou speakest well, my stormtrooper, and yet

Not well upon my ear the message falls.

I turn to thee, thou rebel. Aye, I lift

Thy head above my own. Thou canst now choose

To keep thy secrets lock’d safe in that head,

And therefore lose the life thou holdest dear,

Or else to keep thy head and, thus, thy life.

My patience runneth quickly out much like

The sands across the dunes of Tatooine.

So tell me, else thou diest quick: where shall

We find transmissions thou didst intercept?

What hast thou done, say, with those plans?

[Darth Vader begins to choke Rebel Leader 1.

—My Lord,

My head and life I value—certain ’tis!

And yet to thee I must report we have

Not intercepted one transmission! Ahh!

This is a cons’lar ship, and nothing more,

On diplomatic mission. Ugh!

—Thou knave!

With thy last breath hear thou this word: if this

Is but a cons’lar ship, then where is the

ambassador? [Rebel Leader 1 dies.] Commander, prithee, go!

Rend thou this ship apart until the plans

Are found, and bring me any passengers—

Upon thy life, I want them brought alive!

[Exeunt stormtroopers.

And so another dies by my own hand,

This hand, which now encas’d in blackness is.

O that the fingers of this wretched hand

Had not the pain of suff’ring ever known.

But now my path is join’d unto the dark,

And wicked men—whose hands and fingers move

To crush their foes—are now my company.

So shall my fingers ever undertake

To do more evil, aye, and this—my hand—

Shall do the Emp’ror’s bidding evermore.

And thus we see how fingers presage death

And hands become the instruments of Fate.

[Exit Darth Vader.

Aye, there is one. My comrades, set for stun!

[Princess Leia shoots, Stormtrooper 1 dies.
Stormtroopers stun Princess Leia.

She shall be well. Go now, inform the dread

Lord Vader we have caught a prisoner.

[Aside:] And may Mos Eisley drinks flow swift and free

When Vader grants rewards for work well done!

[Exeunt stormtroopers with Princess Leia.

Hold! Thou art not permitted to go in.

Deactivated thou shalt surely be.

Beep, beep, beep, meep!

—Thou shalt not label me

A mindless, brute philosopher! Nay, nay,

Thou overladen glob of grease, thou imp,

Thou rubbish bucket fit for scrap, thou blue

And silver pile of bantha dung! Now, come,

And get thee hence away lest someone sees.

Beep, meep, beep, squeak, beep, beep, beep, meep, beep, whee!

What secret mission? And what plans? What dost

Thou talk about? I’ll surely not get in!

[Sound of blast.

I warrant I’ll regret this. So say I!

[Exit C-3PO into escape pod.

This golden droid has been a friend, ’tis true,

And yet I wish to still his prating tongue!

An imp, he calleth me? I’ll be reveng’d,

And merry pranks aplenty I shall play

Upon this pompous droid C-3PO!

Yet not in language shall my pranks be done:

Around both humans and the droids I must

Be seen to make such errant beeps and squeaks

That they shall think me simple. Truly, though,

Although with sounds oblique I speak to them,

I clearly see how I shall play my part,

And how a vast rebellion shall succeed

By wit and wisdom of a simple droid.

[Exit R2-D2 into escape pod.

Now climb the metal pair into the pod,

Which shooteth from the ship like laser blast.

And to the planet’s face, as straight as rod,

The capsule takes the droids by power vast.

There strays another one.

—Pray, hold thy fire:

For certain there are no life forms aboard.

And truly what may be the chance that aught

But life alone could fly within that pod?

The rebels could not be so cunning bold

To put the Death Star plans therein. If I

Were one to bet, I’d stake my life on it!

All’s well that endeth well, so say the wise,

And so that pod shall live to land below.

[Exeunt chief pilot and captain.

’Tis but a jest—aye surely, we are mock’d!

For R2-D2, plainly canst thou see

The damage looks but minor from below.

Can thou be sure this pod is safe?

—Beep.

—O.

[Exeunt.