2
CHAPTER
It is the Vague and Elusive.
Meet it and you will not see its head.
Follow it and you will not see its back.
Meet it and you will not see its head.
Follow it and you will not see its back.
—Lao-tzu
Fritti Tailchaser had been born the second
youngest of a litter of five. When his mother, Indez Grassnestle,
had first sniffed him, and licked the moisture from his newborn
pelt, she sensed in him a difference—a subtle shading that she
could not name. His blind infant eyes and questing mouth were
somehow more insistent than those of his brothers and sisters. As
she cleaned him she felt a tickle in her whiskers, an intimation of
things unseen.
Perhaps he will be a great hunter, she
thought.
His father, Brindleside, was certainly a handsome,
healthy cat—there had even been a whiff of the Elder Days about
him, especially when he had sung the Ritual with her on that winter
night.
But Brindleside was gone now—following his nose
toward some obscure desire—and she, of course, was left to raise
his progeny alone.
As Fritti grew, she lost touch with her early
perceptions. Familiarity and the hard day-to-day business of
raising a litter blunted many of Grassnestle’s subtler
sensitivities.
Although Fritti was a bright and friendly kitten,
clever and quick-learning, he never fulfilled in size the promise
of his hunter-father. By the time that the Eye had opened above him
three times he was still no larger than his older sister Tirya, and
considerably smaller than either of his two brothers. His short fur
had darkened from the original cream to apricot-orange, except for
white bands on his legs and tail, and a small, milky star shape on
his forehead.
Not large, but swift and agile—conceding some
kitten clumsiness—Fritti danced through his first season of life.
He frolicked with his siblings, chased bugs and leaves and other
small moving things, and mustered his green patience to learn the
exacting lore of hunting that Indez Grassnestle taught to her
children.
Although the family’s nest was in a heap of wood
and rubble behind one of the massive dwellings of the Big Ones,
many days Fritti’s mother would take the kittens out past the
outskirts of the M‘an-nests and into the open countryside—wood lore
was quite as important as city lore to the children of the Folk.
Their survival depended on their being smarter, faster and quieter,
wherever they found themselves.
Forth from the nest Grassnestle would go, her young
forming a straggling, cavorting scout party about her. With the
patience passed down through countless generations, she taught her
ragged crew the fundamentals of survival: the sudden freeze, the
startling leap, true-smelling, clear-seeing, quick-killing—all the
hunting lore she knew. She taught, and showed, and tested; then
patiently re-taught time and again until the lesson stuck.
Certainly her patience was often stretched thin,
and occasionally a botched lesson would be punished by a brisk
pawsmack to the offender’s nose. Even a mother of the Folk had
limits to her restraint.
Of all Grassnestle’s kittens, Fritti loved learning
most. Inattention, however, sometimes gained him a smarting
nose—especially when the family went out into the fields and woods.
The tempting whistles and chirps of the fla-fa‘az and the swarming,
evocative scents of the countryside could set him daydream ing in a
moment, singing to himself of treetops, and wind in his fur. These
reveries were frequently interrupted by his mother’s brisk paw on
his snout. She had learned to recognize that faraway look.
The dividing line between waking and dreaming was a
fine one among the Folk. Although they knew that dream-Squeakers
did not satisfy waking hunger, and that dream-fights left no
wounds, still there was nourishment and release in dreams
unavailable in the waking world. The Folk depended so much on the
near-intangible—senses, hunches, feelings and impulses—and these
contrasted so strongly with the rock-solid basics of survival needs
that one supported the other in an inseparable whole.
All the Folk had exceedingly keen senses—they lived
and died by them. Only a few, though, grew to become
Oel-var‘iz—Far-sensors—who developed their acuteness and
sensitivity far beyond even the high median of the Folk.
Fritti was a great dreamer, and for a while his
mother harbored the idea that perhaps he had this gift of
Far-sensing. He showed occasional flashes of surprising depth: once
he hissed his eldest brother down from a tall tree, and a moment
later the branch on which his brother had stood broke loose and
fell to the ground. There were other hints of this deeper Var, but
as time went on, and he began to grow out of kittenhood, the
incidents became fewer. He became more prone to distraction—more of
a day-dreamer and less of a dream-reader. His mother decided that
she had been mistaken, and as the time of Fritti’s Naming grew
closer she forgot it entirely. The life of the hunting mother did
not permit brooding over abstractions.
At the first Meeting after their third Eye, young
cats were brought to be Named. The Naming was a ceremony of great
importance.
It was sung among the Folk that all cats had three
names: the heart name, the face name, and the tail name.
The heart name was given by the mother at the
kitten’s birth. It was a name of the ancient tongue of the cats,
the Higher Singing. It was only to be shared with siblings,
heart-friends and those who joined in the Ritual. Fritti was such a
name.
The face name was given by the Elders at the young
one’s first Meeting, a name in the mutual language of all
warmblooded creatures, the Common Singing. It could be used
anywhere a name was useful.
As for the tail name, most of the Folk maintained
that all cats were born with one; it was merely a matter of
discovering it. Discovery was a very personal thing—once effected
it was never discussed or shared with anyone.
It was certain, at least, that some Folk never
discovered their tail name, and died knowing only the other two.
Many said that a cat who had lived with the Big Ones—with M‘an—lost
all desire to find it, and grew fat in ignorance. So important,
secret and rare were the Folk’s tail names, and so hesitantly
discussed, that nothing much about them was actually agreed upon.
One either discovered this name or did not, said the Elders, and
there was no way to force the matter.
On the night of the Naming, Fritti and his
littermates were led by their mother to the special Nose-meet of
the Elders that preceded the Meeting. For the first time Fritti saw
Bristlejaw the Oel-cir‘va, and old Snifflick, and the other wise
Folk who protected the laws and traditions.
Fritti and his siblings, as well as the litter of
another fela, were herded into a circle. They lay hunched against
each other as the Elders walked slowly around them—sniffing the air
and sounding a deep rumble that had the cadence of an unknown
language. Snifflick leaned down and put his paw against Tirya,
Fritti’s sister, and brought her to her paws. He stared at her a
moment, then said: “I name you Clearsong. Join the Meeting.” She
rushed away to share her new name, and the Elders continued. One by
one they pulled the other young out of the pile where they lay
breathing shallowly with expectation and Named them. Finally there
was only Fritti left. The Elders stopped their circling and sniffed
him carefully. Bristlejaw turned to the others.
“Do you smell it, too?”
Snifflick nodded. “Yes. The wide water. The places
underground. A strange sign.”
Another Elder, a battered blue named Earpoint,
scuffed the earth impatiently. “Not important. We’re here for a
Naming.”
“True,” Bristlejaw agreed. “Well. . . ? I smell
searching.”
“I smell a struggle with dreams.” This from
Snifflick.
“I think he desires his tail name before he has
even received his face name!” said another Elder, and they all
sneezed quietly with humor.
“Very well!” said Snifflick, and all eyes turned to
Fritti. “I name you . . . Tailchaser. Join the Meeting.”
Bewildered, Fritti leaped up and trotted rapidly
away from the Nose-meet, away from the chuckling Elders who seemed
to share a joke at his expense. Bristlejaw called sharply after
him.
“Fritti Tailchaser!”
He turned and met the Master Old-singer’s gaze.
Despite the merriment wrinkling his nose, his eyes were warm and
kind.
“Tailchaser. All things in earth’s season—only
given time. Remember that, won’t you?”
Fritti flattened his ears and turned and ran to the
Meeting.
The waning days of spring brought hot weather,
long trips into the countryside—and Tailchaser’s first meeting with
Hushpad.
As he drew closer to his maturity the daily company
of his brothers and sisters became less important to Fritti. Each
day the sun was longer in the sky, and the scents carried by the
drowsy wind grew sweeter and stronger. So, increasingly, he was
drawn on solitary rambles outside the range of dwellings among
which his family lived and slept. During the hottest parts of the
Hour of Smaller Shadows—his hunger blunted by his morning meal, his
natural curiosity freed—he would range through the grasslands like
his brethren of the savannahs, holding imaginary sway over all
before him as he stood on a hillside, grass stems tickling his
belly.
The deeps of the woods also lured him. He delved at
bases of trees for the secrets of scurrying beetles, and tried the
strength of outer branches, feeling the intriguing breezes of the
upper air swirl through the sensitive hairs of his face and
ears.
One day, after an afternoon of intoxicating freedom
and exploration, Tailchaser emerged from the low scrub that girdled
his woods and stopped to pull a twig loose from his tail. As he sat
splay-legged, pulling at the bit of branch with his teeth, he heard
a voice.
“Nre‘fa-o, stranger. Might you be
Tailchaser?”
Alarmed, Fritti leaped to his feet and whirled
around. A fela, gray with black striping, sat regarding him from
the stump of a long-dead oak. He had been so wrapped in his
thoughts that he had not noticed her as he passed, though she
perched a mere four or five jumps away.
“Good dancing, Mistress. How do you know my name?
I’m afraid I don’t know yours.” The bramble in his tail hanging
forgotten, Fritti observed the stranger carefully. She was
young—seemingly no older than he. She had tiny, slim paws and a
softly rounded body.
“There is no great mystery regarding either name,”
said the fela with an amused expression. “Mine is Hushpad, and has
been since my Naming. As to yours, well, I have seen you from a
distance at a Meeting, and you have been mentioned for your love of
rambling and exploring—and here I have caught you at it!” She
sneezed delicately.
Her attractive green eyes turned away; Tailchaser
noticed her tail, which she held coiled around her as she spoke.
Now it rose, as if of its own volition, and waved languorously in
the air. It was long and slender, ending in a tender point, and
ringed from base to tip with the same black accents as her sides
and haunches.
This tail—whose lazy beckoning instantly captured
Fritti’s admiration—was to lead him into more troubles than his own
bounding imagination could conceive.
The pair romped and talked all through the Hour of
Unfolding Dark. Tailchaser found himself opening his heart to his
newfound friend, and even he was surprised at what spilled out:
dreams, hopes, ambitions—all mixed together and hardly
differentiated from each other. And always Hushpad listened, and
nodded, as if he spoke the dearest kind of truth.
When he parted from her at Final Dancing, he made
her promise to meet him again the next day. She said she would, and
he ran all the way home leaping with delight—arriving at the nest
so excited that he woke his sleeping brothers and sisters and
alarmed his mother. But when she heard what it was that made him
squirm and tickle so that he could not sleep, his mother only
smiled and pulled him to her with a gentle paw. She licked behind
his ear and purred, “Of course, of course . . .” to him over and
over until he finally crossed into the dream-world.
Despite his apprehensions of the following
afternoon—which seemed to pass as slowly as snowmelt—Hushpad was
indeed there to meet him when the Eye first appeared over the
horizon. She came the day after, too . . . and the one after that.
Through all of high summer they ran together, and danced and
played. Friends watched them and said that this was no mere
attraction, to be consummated and then ended when the young fela
finally came into her season. Fritti and Hushpad seemed to have
found a deeper congruency, which might ripen later into a joining—a
thing rarely seen, especially among the younger Folk.
Tailchaser was picking his way through the litter
of the dwellings of the Big Ones, in the fragmented darkness of
Final Dancing. He had spent the night roaming the woods with
Hushpad, and as usual his thoughts lingered with the young
fela.
He was struggling with something, but did not know
what it was. He cared for Hushpad—more than for any of his friends,
or even his siblings—but her companionship was somehow different
from the others‘: the sight of her tail twining delicately behind
her as she sat, or held delicately upright when she walked, tickled
a part of his imaginings he could not put a name to.
Deep in these deliberations, for a long while he
did not heed the message that the wind carried. When the fear-smell
finally reached his pondering, puzzling mind he started with sudden
alarm and shook his head from side to side. His whiskers were
tingling.
He leaped forward, galloping toward home; toward
his nest. He seemed to hear terror-cries of the Folk, but the air
was still and quiet.
He clambered across the last rooftop, down a fence
with a scratch and bump—and stopped short in amazement and
fear.
Where the pile of rubble that had been his family’s
nest had stood ... there was nothing. The spot was swept as clean
as wind-scoured rock. When he had left his family that morning his
mother had been standing atop the heap, grooming his youngest
sister, Softwhisker. Now they were all gone.
He darted forward and fell to scratching at the
mute ground, as if to unearth some secret of what had happened, but
it was M‘an-ground, and could not be broken by claw or tooth. His
mind felt blurry with conflicting passions. He whimpered, and
sniffed at the air.
The atmosphere was full of cold traces of fear. The
smells of his family and nesting place still hung, but they were
overlaid with the awful scents of fright and anger. Although the
impressions were much jumbled by the action of time and winds, he
could also sense who had done this thing.
M‘an had been here. The Big Ones had lingered for a
long time, but had themselves left no mark of fear or anger. Their
reek, as always, was nearly indecipherable of meaning—more like the
busy ants and borer beetles than like the Folk. Here his mother had
fought them to the end to protect her young, but the Big Ones had
felt no anger, no fear. And now his family was gone.
In the next days he found no trace of them, as he
had feared he would not. He fled to the Old Woods and lived there
alone. Eating only what he could catch with his still-clumsy paws,
he grew thin and weak, but he would not come to the nests of other
Folk. Thinbone and other friends occasionally brought him food, but
could not persuade him to return. The elders sniffed sagely and
kept their peace. They knew wounds of this type were best nursed in
solitude, where the decision to live or die was freely made, and
not regretted later.
Fritti did not see Hushpad at all, for she did not
come to visit him in his wild state—whether out of sorrow for his
situation or indifference he did not know. He tortured himself with
imagined reasons when he could not sleep.
One day, almost an opening and closing of the Eye
since he had lost his family, Tailchaser found himself on the
outskirts of the dwellings of M‘an. Sick and debilitated, he had
wandered out of the protection of the forest in a kind of
daze.
As he lay breathing raggedly in a patch of welcome
sunlight, he heard the sound of heavy footfalls. His dimmed senses
announced the approach of M‘an.
The Big Ones drew near, and he heard them cry to
each other in their deep, booming voices. He closed his eyes. If it
was fated that he should join his family in death, it seemed
appropriate that these creatures complete the job that their kind
had begun. As he felt large hands grasp him, and the smell of the
M‘an became all-pervading, he began to pass over—whether to the
dream-world or beyond, he did not know. Then he knew nothing at
all.
Slowly, cautiously, Tailchaser’s spirit flew back
to familiar fields. As thought came back he could feel a soft
surface beneath him, and the M‘an smell still all about.
Frightened, he opened his eyes and stared wildly about.
He was on a piece of soft fabric, at the bottom of
a container. It gave him a trapped, terrified feeling. Pulling
himself onto his unsteady paws, he tried to climb out. He was too
weak to jump, but after several attempts he managed to get his
forepaws over the edge of the container and scramble out.
On the floor below he looked around, and found
himself standing in an open, roofed-over area attached to one of
the dwellings of the Big Ones. Although the smell of M‘an was
everywhere there were none in sight.
He was about to hobble away to freedom when he felt
a powerful urge: hunger. He smelled food. Casting his eye about the
porch, he saw another, smaller container. The food smell was making
his mouth water, but he approached it cautiously. After sniffing
the contents suspiciously, he took a tentative bite—and found it
very good.
At first he kept an ear cocked for the return of
the M‘an, but after a while abandoned himself completely to the
pleasure of eating. He bolted down the food, cleaning the container
to the bottom, then found another full of clear water and drank.
This gorging on top of his enfeebled state almost made him sick,
but the Big Ones who had put the meal down, perhaps foreseeing
this, had provided only modest amounts.
After he drank he wobbled out into the sunlight and
rested for a moment, then rose to make his way up to the forest.
Suddenly, one of his captors walked around the corner of the bulky
M‘an-nest. Fritti wanted to bolt, but his body’s fragile health
would not permit it. To his amazement, however, the Big One did not
seize him, or kill him where he stood. The M’an merely passed by,
leaning to stroke the top of Tailchaser’s head, and then was
gone.
So began the uneasy truce between Fritti Tailchaser
and the Big Ones. These M‘an, on whose porch he had found himself,
never hindered his coming or going. They put out food for him to
take if he wished, and left the box for him to sleep in if he so
desired.
After much hard thought, Fritti decided that
perhaps the Big Ones were a little like the Folk: some were good,
and meant no idle harm, while some were not—and it was this second
kind that had brought ruin to his family and his birthing-place. He
found a kind of peace in this balance; thoughts of his loss began
to recede from his waking Hours—if not from his dreams.
As health came back to him, Fritti once more found
pleasure in the society of the Folk. He found Hushpad also,
unchanged in whisker or tail. She asked him to pardon her for not
visiting him during his upset days in the woods. She said she would
not have been able to bear the sight of her playfellow in such
distress.
Pardon her he did, and happily. With his strength
returned, they once more ran together in the countryside. All was
as it had been, except that Tailchaser was more given to silences,
and a little less to happy chattering.
Still, his time with Hushpad was now even more
precious to Fritti. They talked now, from time to time, about the
Ritual that they would enter when Hushpad came to her season, and
Tailchaser became a hunter.
And so their high summer waned, and the wind began
to sing autumn music in the treetops.
On the last night before Meeting Night, Fritti and
Hushpad climbed the hillside overlooking the M‘an-dwellings. They
sat silently in the dark of Deepest Quiet for a long while as the
lights below flickered out one by one. Finally, Tailchaser raised
his young voice in song.
“So high
Above the waving treetops,
Above the teeming sky—
We speak a Word
Above the waving treetops,
Above the teeming sky—
We speak a Word
Side by side
Upon the rugged world-back,
Beyond the sun and tide—
This voice is heard....
Upon the rugged world-back,
Beyond the sun and tide—
This voice is heard....
We are traveling together
With our tails in the wind
We are voyaging together,
We are sun-redeemed and warm.
With our tails in the wind
We are voyaging together,
We are sun-redeemed and warm.
Long now
We have danced within the forest.
Looking only straight ahead—
Lacking but the Word.
We have danced within the forest.
Looking only straight ahead—
Lacking but the Word.
Soon, though,
We will understand the meaning
In our whishers and our bones—
Now that we have heard....“
We will understand the meaning
In our whishers and our bones—
Now that we have heard....“
When Tailchaser finished his song they again sat
quietly throughout the remaining Hours of the night. The morning
sun rose to scatter the shadows and interrupt them, but when he
turned to rub Hushpad’s nose in farewell an unspoken promise hung
between their commingling whiskers.