“What’s wrong?”

James instantly masked the pain. He hadn’t heard Rae come back into the room. He had moved to get up from the plush couch and the pain in his hips and knees had brought tears to his eyes. “Nothing. I’ve been sitting too long,” he said, dismissing whatever she had seen.

She handed him the drink she had brought for him. It was a sign of how hard her day had been that in the dim room she didn’t realize he was lying. She dropped down on the couch beside him. He had only a few seconds warning to clench his jaw against the motion. What has seemed mild three hours ago had become agonizing pain now. It was so bad, even holding the glass of soda she had brought him hurt.

They were at Dave’s, the movie paused yet again, this time while Dave answered a call. Rae had arrived late and had been interrupted by six pages during the past two hours. She rested beside him now, her head back, her eyes closed, and he could feel the weariness enveloping her. The weariness was one reason he was doing his best to shield her from what was happening again, the return of the pain.

“Go home and get some sleep, Rae. You don’t need to be here.” She looked as if she had barely slept in the last three days.

“Dave’s got trust papers being delivered here tonight that I need for tomorrow,” she replied, too weary to open her eyes. “I’m sorry, James. I’m lousy company tonight.”

He gently brushed her hair back from her face. “Rae, quit apologizing for the markets tumbling. I know how hard you’ve been working lately.”

“I’ve never lost so much money so fast in my life. Why Taiwan and China had to go at it this month, of all months…” She struggled to open her eyes. “If I sit here, I’m going to fall asleep, and then I’ll be groggy for the drive home, and end up being a danger to everyone around me. Maybe Dave can bring the papers by my place in the morning.”

“Of course I can,” Dave agreed, coming back into the room. “Go home, Rae. And turn off the pager for six hours. You need some uninterrupted sleep.”

She leveraged herself tiredly to her feet, her hand on James’s arm, leaned over to quietly kiss him good-night. “Sorry,” she whispered. “I need to get some sleep.”

“Go. Drive carefully.”

“It’s two miles. I’ll call when I get home.”

He kissed her back, hating to see the exhaustion in her eyes. “I’ll be waiting for the call.”

Dave walked with her to the door, making arrangements for the morning.

James winced when Dave came back, turned the room lights back up. “Okay, what’s going on? Rae put her hand on your arm for leverage and you went white as a sheet.”

“Quit being a lawyer, Dave, and get me some aspirin.”

He crossed the room. “Can you even get to your feet?”

James laughed, ironically. “Dave, I can’t reach forward to set the glass down right now, my joints are so painful.”

Dave pushed the coffee table back with his foot, took the glass. “What happened?”

James eased himself forward to the edge of the couch, sweat coursing down his forehead. “Something set it off, I don’t know what. A virus, something. Three hours ago it was discomfort, now it’s excruciating.”

“Let’s get you to the hospital.”

James shook his head. “Get me the phone, and that cane you loaned me once before. I know this routine by heart. Whatever the doctor is going to prescribe, I’ve already got at home.”

 

It was agonizing waking up. Agonizing to breathe. Every breath forced his chest muscles to expand, every breath meant pain.

The doorbell had woken him up. He was on the couch. Apart from the fact that the painkillers the doctor prescribed had stopped him in his tracks last night, the stairs were something he had no plans to climb anytime soon.

It took him a very, very long time to walk from the living room to the front door.

Rae.

There was sweat from his journey marking his forehead, and nothing could disguise the white, taut jaw; he was enduring the pain and it showed.

He saw tears fill her eyes.

“You should have told me.”

He had to smile. He had known her response would be this, but still, knowing it was not the same as experiencing it. It mattered a great deal that she was here, at his place, to check on him in person. She wasn’t at the end of the phone, or at work where she rightfully needed to be right now. “Rae, I’m fine. Go on to work.”

“You always answer the door walking with a cane?”

He leaned against the doorjamb, easing the pain in his spine by finding a solid support to take some of his weight, wanting to invite her inside, but not wanting to endure the walk down the hall.

“I’m sorry. I should have told you. Or at least called you this morning.”

She reached out her hand to touch him, uncertainty making her hesitate before she very gently rested her hand against his forearm. “I am so sorry you’re in pain again.”

She was. It made him ache, knowing he had added to the load she was carrying. He hated the malicious randomness of this disease. “Come here,” James said quietly, reaching for her hand. He drew her a couple steps closer to him. It was difficult, looking at the strain she carried from several nights without sleep, knowing he had added to the weight she carried, seeing the tears. He loved her. He didn’t want to cause this.

He wiped away her tears, then very carefully leaned down to kiss her. “Go on, Rae. I can maneuver around just fine, if a little slower than normal. Go to work. It’s nothing new, nothing I haven’t dealt with before. It’s the same symptoms, the same disease. I will be okay. Come tonight and crash on my couch and see for yourself I’m really going to be okay.”

“You’ll need someone to carry things for you, fix you lunch…”

He grinned.

“Okay, maybe not fix you lunch…but answer the phone, answer the door. I should be here.”

His fingers gently silenced her. “You need to be at work. I need those things to keep me fighting the pain, working to defeat it. Go do what you have to do today, call me occasionally, and when you are honestly finished, not before, come back and keep me company.” He smiled. “I’m not going anywhere today.”

She bit her lip.

“Rae, I promise. I won’t keep any more surprises from you.”

“Is this what a day you would score a one looks like?”

James hesitated. “This is a two, Rae. You’ll know one when you see it.”

“I hope I never do.”

“I hope that, too.” It would scare the daylights out of you if you did….

“Will you page me if you need anything? Anything at all?”

“I will,” he promised softly. “Go to work, beautiful.”

 

She had elected to sit in a chair rather than beside him on the couch. He was exhausted to the point of wanting to collapse, but he didn’t have the heart to tell her to go home. It was seven o’clock and she had arrived only a short time before.

Trust the illness to rob him of even a hug from her. He hated this unnamed disease, he hated it tremendously.

She knew. “I should go, you’re tired.”

“No,” James protested, so that she hesitated as she rose from her seat. “You haven’t told me how your day went yet,” he encouraged.

He could do so little for her, the one thing he could offer was a willingness to listen.

“You don’t need more bad news and I don’t want to think about it.”

“Tell me. If you don’t, you’ll be replaying the day in your dreams.”

Rae sighed. “The total market was down another two percent today. That makes eight percent this week, twelve percent in the last seven trading days. Even companies I thought of as stable are in trouble. And clients are calling, feeling the need to make changes, forcing me to sell positions I would normally have allowed to ride out the correction. A broker got shot today in New York by a client holding big option positions he was going to be forced to cover. It’s becoming that kind of a panic.”

“Are you holding up, Rae?”

“It’s a walk in the park compared to what you’re dealing with.”

“Oh, I don’t know. At least I can clear my schedule to deal with this. Have you been able to clear your weekend to give yourself time to sleep?”

“James, I want to be here. I’ll sleep in, then come over.”

“Not before noon. You need the sleep, Rae.”

She reluctantly nodded. “Noon. I’ll stop somewhere and bring us lunch.”

 

Saturday came. Four days and the pain was still excruciating. James shaved, having to pause frequently because his hand could not grip the razor. He hurt. Every joint, every muscle. He looked in the mirror and hated the fatigue, the pain. He had not been able to sleep, the pain was too intense, and his face showed it. Rae did not need to see him like this.

He could hear his mom downstairs, moving around in the kitchen.

He turned on the faucet, suppressing the pain from his wrists. It was wearing him down. Wearing down his ability to be optimistic about anything. How many times was he going to have to endure flare-ups like this? Each time it happened, his body took longer to recover. Longer to heal.

Was this the time he simply wasn’t going to recover?

He forced himself to move, to ignore the question.

He was not going to let fatigue rob him of his optimism; he was going to recover, he had done it before, and he would do it again. Small step, by small step. He had made it upstairs today. It was progress. He smiled wryly. Just as long as he didn’t fall down the stairs going down.

He was tired of this. Tired of being tired. Tired of being in pain.

It was the last thing he wanted Rae to see.

God, why this? Why now? I don’t understand.

 

He was sitting at the kitchen table, glancing at the paper, eating an iced cinnamon roll his mom had recently taken from the oven, when the doorbell rang. James looked at the cane. His body protested at the thought.

“I’ll get it,” his mom called from the living room. She had been cleaning his house again even though he had a cleaning service that came in each week. James had realized his mom was going to do what she decided to do and nothing would stop her. He had kissed her cheek and let her go to it. He was grateful for the love behind it.

He knew it was Rae. He had told her to come over no earlier than noon and it was now five minutes past the hour. He got to his feet as she entered into the room, ignoring her “Don’t get up.” She had slept in, but not enough for what her body desperately needed. She looked…wiped out.

“How are you?” she asked, stopping close to him, her eyes searching his face.

He leaned forward to gently kiss her. “Better now that you’re here.” He meant it, even if his body ached at the movement.

“Rae, would you like some coffee?” his mom asked. “I’ve got homemade cinnamon rolls, too. Fresh from the oven.”

Rae pulled out a chair beside James at the table. “Both sound wonderful. Thank you.”

James sat down carefully.

“You didn’t get much sleep,” Rae said softly.

James smiled. “Not much. But I don’t think you did, either.”

She grimaced. “No.”

He motioned to the paper. “It sounds like the markets finally had a quiet day yesterday.”

Rae nodded. “Probably the prelude to a bad Monday. There is concern the economic numbers being released Monday morning will prompt a rise in interest rates.”

He studied her face and saw in her eyes the fatigue that went too deep to cover, the exhaustion that made dealing with decisions so difficult you reached the point it didn’t matter anymore. She may have slept in, but stopping had just let the fatigue crash down on her. She ought to be back in bed, sleeping away the entire day.

He hated this disease. She needed someone taking care of her, not the other way around.

His mom brought coffee and the cinnamon rolls, then left them to talk. A few minutes later, James heard vacuuming upstairs.

Rae ate the cinnamon roll slowly, trying to get a conversation started, trying to inject some emotion into her voice, but the exhaustion was too heavy. She would lose her train of thought and go quiet for increasing amounts of time. Just sitting down had made her body long to sleep.

James pushed himself carefully to his feet, his ankles flaring with pain at the movement. He clenched his jaw and ignored the pain. “Rae, come on. The living room couch beckons.”

She moved with him to the other room. He lowered himself down on the couch, using the armrest to keep the movement slow.

Rae moved toward the chair and James stopped her. “Sit beside me Rae, please.”

She was reluctant to do so, but he didn’t release her hand and didn’t give her much choice. She sat down on the couch beside him. He wanted her to rest, put her head against his shoulder and close her eyes, but she protested she was fine, just a little tired. He looked at her skeptically.

She reached for the television remote. “Which college teams are playing today?”

Discussions of a serious nature were not going to happen today. James reluctantly let the conversation change to basketball.

His ribs hurt where her weight leaned against him. She had been farther away on the couch and he had intentionally maneuvered her closer so she leaned against him and he could put his arm around her. It took twenty minutes, but the pain won the contest of wills. He was at the point of having to ask her to shift away from him when he saw her try to unsuccessfully stifle a yawn. He pulled a couple of throw pillows over. “Rae, stretch out on the couch and get comfortable. I won’t mind if you catnap for a while.”

She turned to look up at him. He could see the fatigue shadowing her eyes. “You don’t mind?”

He tenderly brushed her cheek with his hand. “I don’t mind,” he reassured softly. “Come on, stretch out.”

She moved away from him and the pain in his ribs began to ease. Her shoes landed on top of each other on the floor and she stretched out, using the pillows he offered to rest comfortably against the other end of the sofa. “Thank you, James.”

“Close your eyes and try to get some more sleep,” he whispered.

Within ten minutes he could hear her breathing become steady and low as she slept.

It felt good, it felt right, to have her relaxed with him. He muted the basketball game, then leaned his head back against the cushions, and watched her sleep.

They had to do something about the hours she was working. She couldn’t keep up the pace, not when she was this exhausted.

 

“Rae, I understand. Don’t worry about it. Go meet with the clients then call me when you get home.”

He was going to miss not having dinner with her, but it was probably best today that her work had intruded. He was stretched out in the recliner, looking at the bird that had come to check out the bird feeder, waiting for the medication to temper the ache in his body. It had been fourteen days since the relapse began, and even the careful exercises in the pool each day were agonizing. The doctors had come up with nothing that could even check the damage. His joints were inflamed, his muscles burning. He lost more and more mobility each day.

Dave knew, but with Rae it was a carefully laid out cover-up. She was worried enough about him that it was important to try to hide the worst from her.

He had watched her over the past two weeks, moving toward the point of being close to collapse herself. She was not getting the sleep she needed. She was worried about him, trying to make time in her schedule to come over and help him, doing it at the expense of her sleep.

He hated the situation. He hated it with a passion.

He wanted to be well. He wanted to be able to be the one to go to her place, fix dinner for her, take care of errands for her, help ease the pressure on her. Instead, this disease was ensuring he was adding to the stress she was feeling.

He spent the evening reading a book, often pausing to set the book aside, to lean his head back, think, pray.

If he didn’t begin to recover soon, he wasn’t sure what he was going to do. But he couldn’t do this to Rae. He couldn’t let this disease end up affecting her health as well. He refused to let that happen.

 

It was a quarter to eleven at night when Rae rang Dave’s doorbell. He came down the steps from his studio office, flipped on the porch light. He saw her and flipped the locks open. He was still in sweats from an evening playing basketball at the gym.

She didn’t apologize for the hour. Their history went back many years. He knew, without being told. He took her jacket and draped it over the stair railing, then put his arm around her as he walked her to the kitchen.

“You look…tired, my friend.”

She took the soda he offered. “You understate things very well.” She took a long drink. “Can you get me tickets to San Diego for tomorrow morning, return flight Sunday night? Lunch and dinner reservations at a quiet, elegant place conducive to talking serious business?”

He looked at her and she let him see the truth, let her mask slip to show the reality going on.

“I’ll be glad to Rae. Find a comfortable spot on the couch, relax. I’ll make a few calls.”

He joined her in the living room twenty minutes later, handed her a piece of paper from his desk stationery.

Rae glanced at it wearily, knowing it would be complete, finding it was. A limo to pick her up from the office, first-class seats there and back, restaurant reservations, hotel accommodations, Dave had arranged it all, or rather one of his contacts had. “Thank you,” she said softly.

He handed her two business cards. “They are good. Use them if you need them.”

Two attorneys, both top names in the business. Men you didn’t just make appointments with; they picked their clients.

“The numbers are their direct lines. They will make themselves available.”

Rae nodded, knowing it would be true. “Thanks, friend.”

“You’re going to sell.”

She leaned her head back against the cushion, looked at the ceiling. “I’m going to…consider the possibilities. The Hamilton trusts are not definite, but the indications from dinner tonight are positive. I’ve got to have help, Dave. Good help. Since I can’t find the right partner with the business at twenty-six million, I’m going to do my best to make it a business of seventy million and see if I can get either Richardson in Texas or Walters in New York to move. They are the only two men whose track records and style fit what I really need. But if neither one of them works out—” she sighed as she looked at the page of notes “—then yes, I’m seriously considering selling the business.”

Dave rubbed her hand which was clenching and unclenching around the throw pillow she had picked up. “Rae, Gary is a good guy. He’ll make you a fair offer, he’ll keep your employees, he’ll do good for your clients. There could be worse solutions.”

She heard the reluctance in his voice. “You don’t think I should sell.”

“I think you’re going to really miss the work.”

She sighed and looked at the page of notes again. “I know. I’ve told myself for months that I would do it only as my literal last resort. But I’m close to being there, friend.”

“You’re tired.”

She laughed. “I can barely remember the last day I felt rested. I don’t want this anymore, Dave. I don’t want the responsibility and the fatigue and the hours. I’ll find a partner, or I’ll face the reality and sell.”

 

James touched the tile wall of the pool, let himself finally stop. Five laps. It wasn’t great, it was a long, long way from fifty laps, but it meant he was finally back to a four on his scale of pain. He let the water float his body as he tried to catch his breath. A month. It felt like an eternity.

He had begun to privately wonder if the recovery was ever going to come. It was a battle to keep hope alive and at the same time try to accept and live with reality.

He would take Rae to dinner tonight to celebrate.

The idea brought a smile. She had been traveling on weekends this past month—San Diego, Texas, New York—business meetings with outcomes she remained noncommittal about. He had missed her, missed the Saturday afternoons spent together, the rare chance to see her without the burden of work pressing on her.

The past month had simply reinforced how important she had become in his life. It was one of the reasons he had struggled so hard to keep hope alive. If he didn’t recover, they didn’t have a future together. That reality had made him willing to push through the pain and endure the toll the exercises took. There was finally a glimmer of hope, and it was time to celebrate.

Rae’s office was less than twenty minutes away. He felt like making the request in person.

 

Janet pointed him toward the trading room with a smile.

“Hey, lady,” he called softly, pausing at the door to watch Rae. Her attention was so focused on the information in front of her, his words startled her.

“James!”

He loved the sight of the smile that lit her face. She was glad to see him and it made him very glad he had come.

She crossed the room to join him at the door. “What are you doing here?”

He leaned forward and softly kissed her, watched the blush spread across her cheeks. “Want to go out to dinner?”

“I would love to.”

“When should I come back and pick you up?”

She looked back at the screen she had been studying, bit her bottom lip. “Give me twenty minutes and I can wrap this up for the night.”

“You’re sure? Don’t hurry on my account.”

She grinned. “Twenty minutes. Can we do Chinese?”

He laughed. “Yes.”

They ate at the restaurant across from the office complex, a leisurely dinner, the conversation moving from Dave and Lace, to church, to her work.

She was close to signing a major new client and as he listened to her he heard the excitement, but inside he wondered if it was a good decision for her to make. A new client would increase her workload, increase the demands. He didn’t understand entirely why the idea appealed so much to her. But it did, and he was not one to limit anyone’s dreams—certainly not Rae’s. It mattered to her, so it mattered to him.

He had been about a week premature in his decision to celebrate. By the end of the dinner, he was reluctantly ready to admit it was time to go home and rest. The pain was back, strong and fierce, ugly.

 

“Come on in, Rae. The door is open.”

It was easier to call than to walk. His ankles were protesting even this journey to the kitchen. The hint of a recovery had been more of a wisp of hope than reality. Six weeks, and the pain in his joints was still severe.

The room vibrated to life with her entrance. Her eyes were sparkling and her cheeks were pink. “James, I got the contract. I’m going to be managing the Hamilton estate, and all its various trust funds.”

“Rae, that’s great,” James said, pleased for her. He handed her one of the sodas he had retrieved. She accepted it from him with a thank-you and spontaneously reached forward to hug him.

She pulled back. “What kind of pizza…?”

He hadn’t been able to mask the pain in time.

She took a hesitant step back and her eyes suddenly widened.

“It hurts when I hug you,” she said, the appalling realization shaking her voice. “Oh, James. I’m sorry. I didn’t think…”

He saw the look of horror fill her face, and then she turned abruptly and hurried from the room. He didn’t have the luxury of being able to hurry after her. By the time he reached the door she had fled through, her car was already pulling from the drive.

 

Rae opened the door for him, her eyes red, her face pale. She looked at him and he looked just as seriously back at her. “Can we talk?” he finally asked.

She swung open the door and walked toward the living room.

James set his wallet and car keys down on the end table. She had moved to stand by the window, her arms wrapped around her middle. He stopped by the end of the couch and looked at her. It was better if she spoke first. It was a long wait.

“I wish you would just say when something causes you pain.”

She was trying so hard not to cry….

With a deep sigh, James crossed over to her side. He had never intended this.

She didn’t want to look at him.

He tipped her chin up. “It hurts when you hug me, but I’m not going to let a little pain rob me of the pleasure. I love it when you hug me. I don’t want you stopping to think before you hug me. That’s why I didn’t tell you.”

He wiped away her tears. “Rae, I like your hugs.”

It took several moments before she replied. “You’re sure?”

“Absolutely.”

She carefully wrapped her arms around him. “It feels so awful to realize I was hurting you.”

He gently brushed her hair back from her face, settled his arms firmly around her waist. “Rae, it would hurt me worse to have you stop.”

He held her for a long time, relieved to have her back.

He leaned down and gently kissed her. “Are we okay now?”

She sniffed a final time and nodded.

“Good. Then how about going out for that pizza?”

It made her laugh.

 

“Uncle James, I helped make the rolls. They are really good.” His niece met him at the door, sliding her hand in his, smiling. James propped the cane in the umbrella stand. He thought he could get by without it today.

“That’s great, Emily. You’re going to become a great cook like your grandmother.”

“She made clam chowder. Do you like it?”

“Love it.”

Emily’s grin widened. “So do I. We’ve got turkey and dressing, and my rolls, scalloped potatoes—my mom made those—that green stuff I like, homemade noodles, and for dessert there’s pumpkin pie, apple pie and chocolate pudding. I can’t wait for lunch.”

James laughed and tickled her tummy. “Where are you going to put all that food?” He wished he could pick her up. He knew better than to try.

“In my hollow leg,” Emily replied, giggling.

James loved Thanksgiving Day. It was something they didn’t celebrate in Africa.

“Where’s your dad?”

“Getting the card tables from the basement.”

The kitchen was busy, both his mom and sister fixing snack and relish trays. “Do you think we have enough to eat?” James asked, looking over the loaded counters.

His mom grinned and gently hugged him. “Even with nine people at the table, we’re going to be sending lots of leftovers home with people. It’s one of the things that makes it a good day. Are Dave and Lace with you?”

“They’re on the way,” James assured her. “They were going to go spring Rae from her office.”

“She’s working? Today?”

James grimaced. That was what he thought as well. “A couple of hours. Need any help?”

“We’re close to being done.”

James nodded. “Patricia, how’s my future niece or nephew doing?” She was due in another eight weeks. His sister was loving being pregnant.

“Having a wonderful time kicking the inside of my ribs. He’s an active little guy.”

“Think it’s a boy?”

Patricia grinned. “I’ve got a fifty-fifty chance of being right.”

James affectionately squeezed her shoulder. “I pick New Years Day as the estimated time of arrival. I think you’re going to be early.”

Patricia laughed. “That would be fine with me.”

James accepted a drink and went to see if he could help Paul. He couldn’t carry much, but there should be something he could do. Find out what football games were on that afternoon if nothing else.

He was looking forward to seeing Rae. Dave and Lace, too.

He was having a moderately good day. A four on his scale of ten. He could walk without much pain today. It was probably a short reprieve, but he would take it while it lasted.

Dave, Lace and Rae arrived, amidst a lot of laughter. James met them at the door, grinned at Rae who was wearing a feather tucked in her hair.

“James, they are calling me a turkey.”

“Gee, I wonder why.”

She swatted his arm. “I have to show some Thanksgiving Day spirit. They wouldn’t let me bring any food.”

“Thank you both,” James gratefully told Dave and Lace, then double-checked to make sure Rae knew he was teasing. He would hate to hurt her feelings. She wasn’t that bad of a cook.

She tucked her hand under his arm. “One of these days, you are all going to regret these comments.” She was grinning.

“Sure, sure. That’s what you always say,” Dave replied, grinning back.

“What did you bring?” James asked Lace, looking at the foil-covered tray she was carrying.

“Homemade candy. Fudge, chocolate-covered cherries, caramels.”

“You’ve been hiding this talent all these months?”

Rae laughed. “Dave made them, James. Lace just sat on the stool and kept him company.”

“I’m impressed,” James told Dave.

“You should be. Caramels take forever to make.”

They already knew everyone in his family, but Dave and Lace had not seen the house before, so James gave them a guided tour, not letting Rae get far from his side. She didn’t seem to be in any hurry to move away either. His arm around her shoulders, he hugged her gently. He was very glad to have her here.

The kitchen timer went off, and Emily announced her rolls were done. It was time to eat.

Dave and Lace were flirting with each other. James watched the two of them as they moved around the buffet table filling their plates. Dave would lean over occasionally and make a soft comment; Lace would blush and whisper something back that would make Dave chuckle.

Rae nudged his arm. “They went to some comedy club downtown last night. I think Lace had a good time,” she whispered.

“I think you’re right.”

James held out the chair beside him at the table for Rae.

“Thanks.”

“My pleasure.”

Rae leaned against him as she asked if he would pass the butter.

James reached around her to pass the basket of rolls to Dave, let his arm linger around her shoulders.

“Would you two quit flirting and eat?” Patricia finally asked, laughing.

James and Rae looked over, caught, only to find that Patricia was looking at Dave and Lace.

“It goes for you, too, James,” his mom said, seeing his look of relief.

“Me? I’m the innocent party in all this,” James protested. Rae reached over and ruffled his hair.

He caught her hand, leaned over. He kissed her to the delight of those at the table. “If I’m going to get caught, it should be worth it,” he told Rae softly, watching her blush.

She leaned forward until they were touching noses. “You just used up your one kiss for this date,” she reminded him.

James blinked. She was right.

She laughed at his expression.

 

James took Rae home shortly after 9:00 p.m.

His mom had sent a sack of leftovers home with her—soup, sandwiches, noodles, pie. James reached for the sack on the back seat only to have Rae stop him. “Let me carry it.”

“Rae…”

“I know it’s a good day, I know it’s not heavy. Humor me.”

James was in too good a mood to argue the point. They walked up the drive together.

“What would you like to do tomorrow?”

“Sleep in till eight, have a leisurely breakfast, shop, go see a movie.”

“Sounds perfect. I’ll pick you up at eight-thirty?”

“That was only a suggestion, James. Are you sure you want to go shopping? It will be crazy tomorrow with the Thanksgiving Day sales and the start of the Christmas shopping.”

“Shopping will be fun,” he replied. “We’ve never done it together before.”

Rae grinned. “There is a reason for that, you know.”

James grinned back. “I’ll take my chances. Eight-thirty?”

“Fine.”

James leaned forward. “Can we make it a two kiss date?”

Rae moved the sack to her far arm. “I think that can be arranged,” she replied with a smile. He leaned down to kiss her and Rae closed her eyes.

A groan of pain broke apart the kiss.

She had stepped forward. His left ankle refused to take his shifted weight. His reflex to keep from falling put his hand heavily on her shoulder.

“What…?”

“I’m okay.” He gingerly tried to put weight on the ankle. The tendons and joint flared with pain.

“I did it again.” Rae was angry with herself, her arm going around his waist, the sack she still held tipping precariously. “James, I am so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.” He took several deep breaths, fighting back the pain. “It’s why I carry the cane.” The cane was, of course, still propped in the back seat of the car.

“I’ll get it.”

He stopped her movement. “No. Walk me back to the car. I’ve been on my feet too long today.”

It was a painfully ugly way to end the evening.

Rae walked with him back to the car, James clenching his teeth at the pain in his left ankle. If it had been his right, Rae would have been driving him home. “We’ll have to play tomorrow by ear,” he said, admitting the obvious.

“No problem, it’s not important. Call me when you get up.”

It was important and it was a big deal. But he didn’t have a lot of options.

“I’ll call you,” he agreed, resigned. The pain had managed to ruin a good evening.

 

The phone rang at eight-thirty the next morning.

“Did I wake you up?”

Rae smiled. “No. Though I am still in bed. I’m editing the last couple chapters I wrote for my book. How are you, James?”

“We can scratch off today. I’m sorry, Rae. I was looking forward to it.”

“The pain is bad?”

Rae heard the broken sigh. “It’s bad.”

She felt terrible for him. “Is there anything I can do?”

“I wish there was. I really wish there was.”

The situation was wearing him down and it showed in his voice. “I don’t mind a lazy day watching movies. What interests you? I’ll bring a few over,” she offered, trying to lift his spirits.

“Rae, you don’t need to do that. Go shopping. Enjoy the rare day off.”

“I would rather spend it with you.”

“I’ll be selfish and say I would like that, too. But I’m lousy company at the moment, Rae.”

“You’ve got cause.” Rae worried her bottom lip, trying to decide what would be best. “Why don’t I come over about two o’clock with a puppy and a movie.”

“A puppy?” Rae could hear his smile.

“One of Margo’s litter. You said yourself puppies were good medicine.”

“You will be chasing it all over the house.”

“Probably. Say yes.”

James chuckled. “Sure, why not? I’ll leave the door unlocked. Let yourself in.”

 

The puppy that had been named Justin adored riding in the car. He sat on the passenger seat with his nose stuck out the slightly opened window, loving the motion.

Rae had done her shopping, two hours in the crowds convincing her there were better places to be on the day after Thanksgiving. She had chosen three movies at the video store, then stopped by the kennel to pick up Justin.

Last night had been yet another realization of what kind of obstacles they continued to face. James wanted to view his health as his problem, but he was wrong. It was their problem. She loved him. They were headed for a future together. The reality of the pain he faced every day was part of that future. She had seen it go into remission twice. Eventually, this episode had to go into remission as well. He was getting better, even he would admit that, even if it was occurring at a snail’s pace.

She hated to see him in pain. Hated to know something she had done had contributed to that pain. The day she had realized hugging him hurt him…She still winced when she thought of that day. She had inadvertently done something similar again last night. He was a rugged, masculine, strong guy. Looking at him, it was hard to fathom that at times the simple actions of carrying something, shaking hands, walking, were physically painful for him to do.

God, why? I’m in love with him. I hate to see him in pain. I hate the fact there is so little I can do to help.

Thankfully, she had a leash and collar for Justin or the puppy would have wiggled himself out of her arms as she walked up the driveway to James’s home. She loved this house. She loved the structural changes he had made. She would love to live in this house. She pushed open the front door, calling James’s name.

“Back here, Rae.”

She found him in his office working on a sketch at the drafting table. He got up from the stool, moving very stiffly.

Rae didn’t comment on his pain. She squeezed his hand gently and looked at the drawing. “This is for the Grants?” They were adding another bedroom and a family room onto their ranch-style home.

“Yes.” James reached over to pet a squirming Justin. “You can let him down in the house.”

Rae slipped the puppy off the leash. He started exploring the room. “The sketch is very good.”

“I had a few minutes to kill,” James replied.

Rae could tell he wasn’t satisfied with the drawing yet. “I brought three movies for you to choose from.”

James motioned toward the living room, walked with her, leaning heavily on the cane to favor his left ankle. “Good choices?”

Rae smiled and told him the names of the films.

“You honestly expect me to choose?”

“Prioritize,” Rae conceded. “I really want to see them all.”

James laughed. “I can do seven hours of movies if you can.”

“Watch me.”

They ended up on the couch, Justin alternating between sitting in one or the other’s lap and playing on the floor with James’s rolled-up socks.

They started with John Wayne. They laughed together through most of the movie as any loud sound effect in the movie made Justin scamper for cover. He preferred burying his head under James’s arm. They took a couple intermissions in the movie, Rae knowing James needed to move around frequently to keep his joints from stiffening too much.

 

“James, where do you keep the plastic wrap?” Rae opened yet another kitchen cabinet drawer. James had agreed to let her fix dinner as long as she simply reheated leftovers from the Thanksgiving Day meal.

“Try the second drawer to the right of the dishwasher.”

“Thanks.”

She came back with thick turkey sandwiches, scalloped potatoes, and two large slices of pumpkin pie.

James took the plate she offered. “I could get used to this.”

Rae grinned. “Of course. Everyone likes to be waited on.”

“I was referring to the food, but the service is not bad either.”

Rae considered batting him with a pillow, but refrained due to the fact it might actually hurt him. “Just be glad I’m here. Without me—no movies, no puppy, no pie.”

James leaned over and kissed her. “Forgiven?”

“For a kiss, I would forgive almost anything,” Rae replied, grinning, at the same time, serious. She meant it.

James pointed to her plate. “Eat. I can’t afford to kiss you again.”

James selected the action-adventure film as the next movie. Rae was glad. She didn’t need to be watching a romance at the moment.

They both laughed at the same places in the movie. Rae had seen it numerous times and still liked the way it had been plotted. It was a long movie. The ending felt good. The good guys had won.

“Are you sure you want to see all three in one day?” James asked.

It was dark outside, the credits for the movie were rolling by. Rae was tired, the puppy was asleep in her lap. But it wasn’t that late…. “I’m game. It’s one of my favorite movies.”

James changed the movies.

“Come here, stretch out and get comfortable,” he encouraged when he was seated again. Rae didn’t need to hear the suggestion twice. She carefully settled the puppy, and stretched out on the couch, using James’s lap as a pillow.

It felt good having his hand resting against her waist, occasionally brushing through her hair. It felt good to be close to him.

“Whoever thought of this script came up with a wonderful storyline,” Rae said.

“Your book will make a good movie someday.”

Rae looked up, surprised. “You think so? At the rate I’m going, it will never get finished, let alone find a publisher and interest a movie studio.”

“You should have reserved a few hours today to work on the book.”

Rae shook her head. “No. The book and the business can fight for the same time. I’m not letting the book compete with time I can spend with you.”

“Rae…”

She cut him off. “I want to watch the movie.”

She felt him sigh, but he dropped the subject. She knew it bothered him, the fact she was getting only fragments of time to work on her book. But she didn’t view taking time away from their relationship to be worth the price. The book had been part of her life for three years; if it took another two years, that was the unfortunate reality. She loved days spent with James too much to want to create a tug-of-war between spending time with him and working on the book. James came first. It was that simple.

It was late when Rae reluctantly moved to go home. The puppy was coming home with her for the night.

James made sure she had her jacket on.

James rubbed the sleepy puppy under the chin. “He’s going to wake you up very early in the morning.”

Rae smiled. “That would be okay.”

She wanted to hug him good-night, but her hands were full holding the puppy and carrying the videotapes. He had been unusually quiet for the last hour; she wished she knew what he was thinking about. It was something serious, that was obvious.

He leaned down and kissed her very gently. “Drive careful, Rae.”

“Good night, James.”