Golithos the Ogre

by E. A. Wyke-Smith

In the drafts for his famous lecture “On Fairy Stories,” Tolkien wrote: “I should like to record my own love and my children’s love of E. A. Wyke-Smith’s Marvellous Land of Snergs, at any rate of the Snergelement in that tale, and of Gorbo, the gem of dunderheads, jewel of a companion in an escapade.”

Snergs are “a race of people only slightly taller than the average table” (they are also described as probably being “some offshoot of the pixies”). They live in “a place set apart” and are exceptionally fond of parties. And they are in fact the direct literary ancestors of hobbits, for after Tolkien’s children fell in love with The Marvellous Land of Snergs they wanted more stories about the Snergs. Tolkien told them instead the story of The Hobbit, with the half-high hobbit Bilbo as the main character.

The Marvellous Land of Snergs tells the story of two children, Joe and Sylvia, and their dog, Tiger, who go on a rambling adventure with Gorbo, a Snerg. In one episode they get lost in a wood of Twisted Trees, which is recalled in Bilbo’s adventures in Mirkwood (see note 7 to chapter 8 in the revised edition of The Annotated Hobbit). In their various travels, they meet some fascinating characters, including Vanderdecken and the Flying Dutchman and Mother Meldrum, a sinister witch who is also a wonderful cook.

The excerpt given next concerns Golithos, a reformed ogre who no longer eats children but has become vegetarian. The Marvellous Land of Snergs was first published in September 1927.

The first glance that Gorbo gave as he came out into the warm sunlight showed him that they were now on the other side of the river. This was more serious news to him than to Sylvia or Joe. To them it meant daylight, freedom from the subterranean gloom; possibly the prelude to new adventures (it was). To him it meant trouble and danger and the fear of unknown things. The wide deep river, rushing far below between steep cliffs, had been a barrier keeping the Snergs secure from a horror-haunted land, a land of distressful legends of dragons and other fierce monsters, of Kelps and giants, and a ruthless king who tyrannized over his people. No wonder he gazed sadly at the fair green woods on the other side and wished—chiefly for the sake of the children—that he was less of a fathead.

“It isn’t such a nice part on this side,” said Sylvia, looking about at a dull landscape, dotted here and there with patches of coarse grass and clumps of thorny trees. “But it’s jolly to get out of that dark place.”

“Yes, isn’t it,” agreed Joe contentedly. At his age the present time lasts quite a good bit. “I’m jolly glad we got here. Perhaps we’ll have some real adventures now.”

“I’m thinking we will,” said Gorbo.

They went on a little way and, coming to the top of a gentle slope, saw before them a round grey tower some half-mile or so away. It was surrounded by a high outer wall and looked very lonely and dreary. Gorbo stared long and hard at it.

“Yes,” he said at length, “that’s old Golithos’ tower. I can see him outside, doing something to the wall. I know him by his whiskers.”

“Then,” said Joe logically, “we’d better scoot. Come along, Sylvia!”

“No, don’t scoot,” said Gorbo; “it’s safe enough. Golithos is quite harmless now because he’s reformed. We’d better go over and see if he can tell us how to get back. Don’t be frightened, Sylvia, I’ve heard he’s quite kind-hearted now. In fact they say he’s rather overdoing it.”

Though they were not exactly at their ease (what child is at the thought of visiting an ogre?) they were impressed by Gorbo’s confidence, and they went on hand in hand with him towards the tower, Joe carrying the puppy.

A huge man, about seven feet high, was working with a heap of mortar and some big stones, repairing a loose part of the wall. As they drew near he turned and saw them; then he smacked his hands together to knock the mortar off and rubbed them in his hair and waited for them with a friendly but weak-looking smile. He had a great silly face and coarse hair and whiskers like bits of a cheap goatskin rug. His dress was the usual shabby dress of ogres in books. It is perhaps slightly unfair to call him an ogre, for as Gorbo had said, he was reformed. Not a child had passed his lips for years, and his diet was now cabbage, turnip-tops, cucumbers, little sour apples and thin stuff like that.

“Aha!” he said as they came up, “you are all heartily welcome. It is long since I had any nice visitors. How are you, my little maid? And you, my little man? And you also, my dear Snerg? Let me see, have I had the pleasure of meeting you before?” He shook hands with them in a very friendly way.

“I don’t think so,” replied Gorbo. “You see,” he added delicately, “I was quite a boy when they—I mean when you—well, when you changed your address.”

“Exactly,” said Golithos, with a conscious blush. “Well, come inside and make yourselves at home.”

There seemed nothing for it but to go on through his door, though all Gorbo wanted was to ask the way back across the river, not to make morning calls. When they were inside Golithos slammed the heavy door and locked it.

“I get so nervous if I leave it open,” he explained. “But come in and I’ll have a meal ready for you. You must be tired and hungry after your long journey from wherever you have come.”

“Look here,” said Gorbo, “we don’t want to trouble you too much. All we want to know is how to get back across the river.”

“To get back across the river,” replied Golithos, bending down and placing a hand affectionately on his shoulder, “is easier than you think. Much easier. In fact I think I am right in saying that however easy you think it is it will prove to be easier still.”

“Well, I’m glad of that,” said Gorbo.

“Naturally you would be. But come inside and make yourselves at home.”

“Thanks, but I should really like to know the way.”

“The way?” Golithos looked a bit puzzled.

“Yes, the way across the river of course.”

“Oh, yes, of course. What am I thinking of? Well, it’s perfectly easy. All you have to do is to—but one thing at a time. Come inside and make yourselves at home.”

He led the way up some steep steps to a door in the wall of the tower and into a large round room which took the whole of one story. It was big enough, but the most comfortless room possible. At one side was a great four-foot post bedstead, and in the middle was a big heavy table and one big heavy chair. And that was all the furniture, unless you count an accumulation of mixed litter—old clothes and gardening tools and pots and pans and sacks and barrels and so forth scattered on the floor. Some wooden steps led to a trap-door in the ceiling and in the stone floor was another trap-door, with a big iron ring to lift it by, which led apparently to a cellar. There was only one window, with little round panes of dull green glass.

“This is my kitchen-dining room,” he said with a look of pride. “I sleep here too—that structure over there is my bed—so it is a bedroom as well. Please take chairs—I mean, one of you take the chair and the others sit on the floor. But whatever you do, make yourselves at home.”

“Thanks,” said Gorbo. “But what about the way across the river?”

“The river?” Golithos did not seem to grasp his meaning.

“Yes, the river outside. All that wet stuff over there. We want to get back.”

“Undoubtedly. Well, you needn’t worry about that, because it’s a very simple matter. I’ll show you how it can be done in the easiest way. But first let’s see about dinner.” He picked up a pan and a knife and rushed blunderingly down the steps.

“I’ve heard it said that he’s getting very slow since he reformed,” said Gorbo after a minute’s thinking, “but he’s worse than I expected. Somehow or other he makes me feel that I want to contradict him. And I’m not like that usually.”

“But he’s going to give us something to eat,” Joe observed.

“Yes, Joe. But I don’t think it will be very strengthening. That’s the worst of reformed people. Here he comes.”

Golithos came in like a mighty bumble bee, bumping against things and getting his feet entangled with things on the floor and dropping vegetables about and stooping to pick them up and dropping others as he did so. “I’m going to give you the feed of your lives,” he said, chopping up lettuce and smiling in his feeble way. “I always think there’s nothing so appetizing as fine fresh lettuce and raw onions, especially if they have lots of salt.”

In a minute or so he placed a large pan on the table, and then he got two empty barrels and laid a plank across them to make a seat for the children. Sylvia whispered rather anxiously to Gorbo, who had been watching their host with a discontented expression, and indicated that Tiger’s contour was losing its curves.

“Look here, Golithos,” said Gorbo, “can you give this little dog something to eat?”

Golithos scratched his head. “Let me see—I suppose he doesn’t eat salad?”

“No, he doesn’t. He’s a dog, not a grasshopper. Haven’t you got any bread?”

“I may have some odd bits in a sack somewhere. You see I don’t eat bread very much. I find it’s heating to the blood. But I’ll try to find some nice bits for him later. In the meantime, let us eat heartily. Would you like the chair or do you prefer standing?”

“Chair for me, thanks,” replied Gorbo, seating himself. “Look here, Golithos, this is all very kind and considerate and jolly of you, but these young ones will want something a bit solider than this.”

“No solids here,” said Golithos quickly. “It wouldn’t do.”

“Well, you’ve got a cow outside. Why don’t you give them some milk?”

“Milk? Yes, but do you think it would be good for them? It’s rather heady stuff.”

Gorbo clapped the table smartly. “You hop out and milk that old cow of yours!” he said loudly. “These children want milk. They can’t live on lip and lettuce.”

Golithos looked fearfully abashed. “Yes, yes, I’ll go,” he said. “Don’t be violent.” He blundered out and down the steps.

“Can’t quite make him out,” said Gorbo. “He was a wicked old rascal once, but if he was rough he was ready—and a bit interesting if you’re not too particular. But I think the watercress diet has weakened his brain.”

He felt his responsibility in the matter keenly; if he had not been a born fool he would not have got the children into this mess; and his easy-going disposition seemed to have suddenly disappeared with regard to his host. After a minute he jumped out of the big chair and ran to the window and poked his head out. “Golithos!” he called in a warning voice. “Waiting!”

Golithos appeared, bearing a pitcher of milk and looking highly flustered. “Shall I put some water in it?” he asked.

“Give it to me,” ordered Gorbo, taking the pitcher. He looked round the littered table and found two earthenware mugs. “Wash them,” he said, passing them over his shoulder to Golithos. “Dear, dear, this is barely decent!”

The milk at any rate was nice and warm, and the children felt greatly refreshed by it. A small bowlful was given to Tiger, who lapped it up and then went to sleep on a sack. Then all set to on the salad, Golithos standing by and pressing them to take more whenever they paused. Gorbo took his portion in a dissatisfied way, sometimes looking at a morsel with scorn before putting it into his mouth (I may mention that they were eating with their fingers; there were no forks in this disgusting ménage). After a time he made a crude attempt at polite conversation.

“Doing well here, Golithos?” he asked.

“Pretty well, thank you. Oh, yes. It’s lonely, of course; people seem to shun me so. But I have plenty of time to meditate on my past sins.”

“Ah, that ought to fill in the time. Keeping pretty fit, Golithos?”

“Tolerably so, thank you. I suffer from stomach trouble occasionally.”

“Only occasionally, eh? That’s strange. Sleep well, Golithos?”

“Fairly well, I thank you. I have nightmares sometimes.”

“What do you expect? This all you’re going to give us, Golithos?”

“I’m really afraid I haven’t anything else—Yes, I have! I can give you a fine fresh young cucumber.”

“Keep it, Golithos.” Gorbo stretched himself and yawned and turned to the children. “Well, Sylvia, what do you think of this for a hole?”

Sylvia glanced at the feeble though gigantic face of the once child-eater and felt some pity for him. “Oh, it’s very nice,” she answered, though not, I am afraid, very truthfully. “Isn’t it, Joe?”

“It’s fine,” said Joe. Then he put his hands before his mouth and spluttered, for his manners were not good. Their host looked very unhappy.

“Just fancy it on a rainy day,” went on Gorbo. “Well, Golithos, what’s the country like in these parts?”

“I don’t know very much about it, because I don’t go about very much, but I’ve heard it’s very bad. You see there’s the land of King Kul not so very far off, and he’s got a very bad character.”

“Yes, we’ve heard of him. What does he do especially?”

“Well, he persecutes the people. You see he makes a hobby of it. And from what I’ve heard they’re the sort of people who ought to be persecuted. But I don’t really know much about them because I don’t often see any of them. And when I do I lock myself up tight until they’ve gone. Old Mother Meldrum comes over to see me sometimes and she tells me about the goings-on.”

“And who’s old Mother Meldrum?”

“Well, she’s a witch, that’s what she is. She says nothing will go right until King Kul is laid out, and she keeps trying to get me to go for it. But somehow or other I don’t feel up to violent exercise since I got reformed.”

“You’re losing your nerve, Golithos. But why doesn’t somebody else try to do him in?”

“I think it’s because they’re afraid. It’s risky, you see. Mother Meldrum says that his castle is three-quarters dungeons. And he keeps six headsmen busy all the time except on Saturday afternoons and Sundays.”

“That fits in with what I’ve heard of him myself,” said Gorbo, looking anxiously at Sylvia and Joe, who were taking all this in. “But cheer up, Sylvia, we’ll soon get out of it. Now, Golithos, what about how to get across the river?”

The giant took Gorbo by the arm and led him to the window. “Do you see that tree?” he asked, pointing out a tall pine standing far off.

“Yes, Golithos.”

“Well, that tree’s close by the river, and I pointed it out because it’s quite useless your trying to get across the river at that point. Or for the matter of that, at any other point, if you understand me.”

“Well, I don’t, if you understand me. I can tell you fifty ways how not to get across the river. Rouse your wits, Golithos!”

“You make me nervous. And if you do that you’ll drive all the fine ideas out of my head. You see the fact is that you don’t get across the river at all. But, notwithstanding, it’s a perfectly easy matter to get to the other side if you know the way how. Now do you see my point?”

“I thought I was something of a born fool, Golithos, but since I’ve met you I’m quite proud of myself.”

“Don’t speak to me like that; it gives me the all-overs. Look here, all you have to do is to go under the river. You go through a little door.”

“I thought so. You’ve been a long time coming to it, Golithos. As a matter of fact we came that way, but the little door shut up tight as soon as we got out of it. And there’s another door on the other side. How do we get them open?”

“It’s quite easy. But I don’t quite remember how it’s done—now don’t get violent! You see it’s not exactly difficult; it’s only something to do with some little magic spells. You make a circle on the ground and divide it into six parts—or sixteen parts, I forget which. And then you bring some simple little charms—twenty-eight altogether, I think. I know one of them is the toe-nail of the seventh son of a seventh son born on a Friday. And then you repeat something out of a book—oh, if you’re going to look at me like that I shall get thoroughly nervous and forget the rest.”

“Look here, Golithos,” said Gorbo, “do you think Mother Meldrum has more sense than you?”

“Oh, yes, she’s got ever so much more! She knows the way to get the door open.”

“Oh, does she? Then where can we find her?”

“She may come here at any time. You see she comes because I amuse her—at least that’s what she says—and if you wait here a day or two she’s bound to turn up. I can give you a lovely room upstairs. I’ll move the turnips to one side and give you some nearly clean straw to sleep on. I’d give my own bed to the little ones, but I’m afraid the mattress is rather bumpy; I think some brickbats must have got into it. You see I air the mattress every November, and last November I was doing some building, and as there were a few holes in it, you see——”

“Don’t worry, Golithos, we’ll take your upstairs room. So come and move the turnips.”

The upstairs room was much worse than the one below, which is saying something. It was furnished chiefly with turnips and sacks of lime, and these Golithos began to move to one side in a muddle-headed way, while Gorbo sat on the window-ledge and watched him. At length there was a clear space for the straw, which was spread out in the manner advocated for sick horses.

“There!” said Golithos proudly, resting on his hay-fork, “There’s a bed for you!”

Gorbo only snorted and said nothing, and there was silence for a time.

“Those are dear little children,” remarked Golithos, trying to be amiable and interesting.

“Yes,” said Gorbo shortly.

“It’s a long time since I saw any. In my bad old days I saw plenty, as you know, but I thought it best—after I reformed—to keep away from them for a good long time.”

“Sound idea.”

“Yes, wasn’t it? But as I say, these are very dear little things, especially the little girl. Do you know,” he went on chattily, “it used to be a saying amongst us in the bad old days that the lighter the hair the tenderer the meat—however, I don’t suppose that interests you.”

“Not a bit.”

“Of course not. But I have taken quite a strong liking to these little ones. The little girl is very pretty, and they are both well formed. Not fat exactly. I should describe them as well filled out. Chubby, if you understand my meaning.”

Gorbo slipped down from the window and went down the ladder in a leisurely way. “Tidy up the place properly,” he ordered as he went.

Golithos obediently went on messing about, crooning a little song about a rose that loved a butterfly and faded away.

It will probably occur to the thoughtful reader at this point that a change had come over the character of Gorbo. A sense of responsibility, mingled with self-reproach, had brought forth qualities hitherto unsuspected, and though he was to some extent losing his natural desire to please all whom he met by conciliatory speech and helpful ways, he was gaining in ability to make quick decisions, as also in verbal fluency and a capacity for what is known among our famed comedians as back-chat.

He found the children in the cabbage patch trying to amuse themselves with Tiger, but not succeeding very well because they were getting very tired of this dismal place. Their surroundings were horrible—all nettles and cheap-looking vegetables and rank grass and stones, and a high wall (on which were lots of snails) shutting out everything but the sky. Sylvia took the puppy to show to the cow, which was the only nice thing in the place and which lived in a rotten old shed in a corner, and Gorbo then had a chance to talk to Joe.

“Joe,” he said, “I don’t want to frighten Sylvia, but you’re a man like me. It seems to me that this is not a healthy place to stay in very long. In the first place we’ll get bored to screaming fits, and in the second place I’m having doubts of old Golithos.”

“Oo-er!” said Joe, now thoroughly startled.

“Yes, I’m beginning to think he’s not so reformed as he thinks he is. Of course it may be only my fancy, but I’m not going to take any risks, and you and Sylvia must keep close by me always. We’ll have to stay here a little while because, though it’s plain that he won’t be able to tell us how to get those little doors open, that old witch may come along at any time, and then I can get it out of her. I’ll give her my drinking-horn to tell us how; it’s the only thing I’ve got that’s worth anything, but it’s got silver on it and perhaps it’ll do. But if it’s not enough I’m afraid Sylvia will have to give over her little coral necklace. I don’t know what witches’ charges are, but I should say the two together would be plenty.”

“But won’t it be awfully risky staying here?” asked Joe. This was becoming rather more of an adventure than he had bargained for.

“Not so much, because you won’t go out of my sight and I’ve always got my bow tucked under my arm. Of course I could make it quite safe by sending an arrow through his hairy old throat, but somehow I don’t quite like to do it until I’m dead certain sure. But don’t you worry, Joe. And don’t let Sylvia know.”

The day wore on. They had a light supper of cold sliced turnips and some of the milk that was left over from the midday feast. They gave a third part of the milk to Tiger in order to moisten some very hard crusts that Golithos found for him. Tiger did not worry, it was quantity he wanted, not quality, and his little abdomen began to take on bold curves again.

The night passed without trouble. The children slept soundly on their straw; Gorbo had made his bed on top of the trap-door so they felt safe enough. But in the morning there was more than a hint that some good old-fashioned trouble was coming.

Said Golithos to Gorbo (taking him quietly aside by the arm), “Would you oblige me by keeping these dear little children always close by you?”

Said Gorbo to Golithos (removing his arm), “I’m going to. But not particularly to oblige you. What’s the little game?”

“It is no little game; it is something more serious. You see I have a horrid fear that I may go back to my old disgraceful ways. The sight of these dear little plump things is a very, very great temptation to me, and I want you to help me to fight against it. I don’t want you to go away, because if I don’t have the temptation there will be no credit in conquering it—and I really hope and believe that I will be able to. Do you know that last night I wanted to have a look at them asleep, but I couldn’t open the trap-door. There seemed to be something heavy on it.”

“There was,” said Gorbo.

“I thought so. And then, do you know, I came down and sat thinking about them, and after a time I found myself sharpening a big knife in an absent-minded way. It gave me quite a shock. Now promise me that you will help me to overcome this temptation.”

“Oh, I’ll help you,” replied Gorbo.

He called to Sylvia and Joe to come down and to bring Tiger, and then he went with them down the steps to the door in the outer wall.

“Come and open this door, Golithos,” he called.

“Oh, you’re surely not thinking of leaving me!” exclaimed Golithos, clumping down after them. “I shall be greatly upset if you run away like that.”

Gorbo jerked out an arrow and laid it on his bow.

“You’ll be more upset in a moment perhaps,” he said, “if that door isn’t opened before I count ten there’ll be three of these sticking out of your silly fat head.”

Golithos jumped for the door and had it open just as Gorbo had counted up to six. As the children passed out, shrinking away from him, he bent down and held out his hand to them.

“Good-bye, little dears,” he said. “Won’t you shake hands with an old reformed person? Oh, this is unkind!”

Gorbo put his arrow back in the quiver and stood for a moment looking up at him. “You stick to watercress,” he said tauntingly. “Watercress and cold water. A slice of mangel-wurzel for Christmas. That’s about your form.”

“You have hurt me,” said Golithos, drawing himself to his full height (seven feet, one inch). His tone was not without a certain dignity.

“Get inside!” shouted Gorbo, slipping out an arrow again. “I’m not so sure I shan’t——”

But Golithos had scuttled in and banged the door and locked it. They walked along a narrow stony track that led towards some rising ground. Looking back, they saw the head of Golithos peeping over the top of his wall. So far as they could judge at that distance it had a wistful look.