seventeen

“EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON”

The double bell, signifying classes are over for the day, rings at four. After that, the classroom wing stays open till six-thirty, for people doing extra classes or needing to get things from their desks. Then it’s locked up till eight-fifteen the next morning.

So Part B of Operation Inky Envelope is tightly structured. I’m going to surveil (if that’s a word) my desk during lunch break and from four to six-thirty every evening. The rest of the time—before school starts, during class changeovers—I’ll be in the classroom, lurking close to my desk at all times, making sure no one slips something into it. Wakefield Hall is so old-fashioned that we still have the ancient wooden desks with lift-up tops and deep inside wells in which we store most of our books and notes. The students don’t move from classroom to classroom, unless we’re doing science and need to go to the lab; the teachers come to us, which means that we’re always sitting at the same desk, with all the stuff we need directly available. It’s not a terrible system. There are lockers downstairs for valuables, in the changing rooms where we hang our coats and gym stuff, but I don’t have a locker. I don’t need one, living so tragically close to school as I do.

So that makes things very simple. If whoever left the envelope wants to leave me a second one, to make sure I got their message, they’ll have to leave it in my desk, like they did before. Aunt Gwen’s house is far enough away from the parts of the grounds where the girls are allowed to go to make it too risky for someone to put a note through the front door. And clearly the note-leaver doesn’t want to trust the post—they want to make absolutely sure that I get the envelope. So, my desk it is—during lunch break or after school, because those are the only opportunities they’ll have.

Sending them straight into my cunning trap.

The only trouble is, I have to get into it, too.

I put my books into my desk, taking my time doing it. When I’ve finished, the classroom has practically cleared out. One of the good things about my desk being against the far wall is that I can linger at it until everyone else has left the room, making sure that no one can slip anything into it when my back’s turned. I wait till everyone else has long gone, and only then do I leave the classroom.

Unlike everyone else, I don’t go toward the main stairs. Instead, I turn away and walk down the corridor in the direction no one wants to take this time of day unless they have to—the teachers’ block. It’s strictly out of bounds, unless you’re being called in there to be hauled over the carpet by some teacher—or, worst of all, by my grandmother, whose palatial rooms stretch over the first floor of the building.

To picture Wakefield Hall’s layout, imagine a capital E. Then take out the middle stroke of the E. What’s left is the shape of the main building, the ancient, historical, dating-back-to-the-sixteenth-century one. The schoolrooms are in the left-hand wing; the assembly hall-slash-theater, plus the teachers’ flats and my grandmother’s grand suite of rooms, are in the long main part, and the other wing, well, that’s where I’m going. Because the top two floors of the other wing are abandoned. My grandmother would call them “unoccupied,” but abandoned is what they are.

She wanted to make them into a big flat for my parents and me, when my dad eventually decided to move back here from London. And then my parents died, and that was the end of that plan. I don’t like to think about that—what my life would have been like if my parents hadn’t died in that accident. What can’t be cured must be endured, as my grandmother would say.

Still, she hasn’t exactly recovered from it either. Because she hasn’t touched that part of the building since then. It’s completely closed off.

I doubt she’s even been in it.

I run up the stairs that lead to the top floor of the teachers’ wing. I know it’s pretty unlikely I’ll bump into a teacher here this time of day—they’re all supervising play time, or teaching after-school special classes. Sure enough, there’s nobody around. I nip along the corridor until I reach the parallel staircase on the other side of the building, and the door that leads to the far wing. It’s padlocked shut. No going through there. So I have to use the window at the top of the staircase, which overlooks the fire escape.

When I was checking this out yesterday, I didn’t want to open the door to the fire escape. It has a big ALARMED sign on it in red. So I boost myself up onto the window ledge, swing open the window—one of those old-fashioned ones that hinges open like a door—and climb through, onto the fire escape. I push the window nearly shut behind me, enough to look like it’s completely closed, but open just a crack, so that when I come back I can slip a finger between the window and the frame and ease it open to get back inside.

And then I’m on the fire escape stairs, scampering up them to the roof, climbing over and dropping down behind the big stone castellations (Wakefield Hall, despite its name, has some very castlelike features). Phew. I breathe an enormous sigh of relief. Climbing out the window, being in open sight on the fire escape, a place that’s completely and utterly out of bounds to any student, even if she’s the headmistress’s granddaughter, is the most dangerous part of this entire escapade. Now that I’m on the roof, hidden behind the battlements, no one can see me.

Still, I don’t have time to congratulate myself. I need to get into place as quickly as possible, in case envelope delivery is already taking place in Lower Sixth C. If I only had an accomplice, this would be so much easier. I could have her hang around the classroom, making sure anyone who wanted to slip an envelope into my desk would have to wait till she was gone, to give me enough time to get to my observation point. It’s so much harder planning and carrying this all out on my own. I dash across the roof to the skylight, which I levered open yesterday, and is cracked ajar a bit by the rope that’s tied to its hinge. I lift it up, grunting with the effort—it’s leaded glass and it weighs a ton—and lower it down to lie on the roof. Then I uncoil the rope and drop it down into the room below. And then I sit down on the edge, my feet dangling into the room, take a good grip on the rope, and swing myself off into empty space.

Every time I do this, I think I’m going to fall, that my arms won’t hold me. Every time. I hang there for a long, scary moment, my feet scrabbling to find the rope, my right leg trying to hook around it to bring my right foot into position underneath it so my left foot can grab onto the rope and sandwich it between my feet to take some of my body weight.  .  .  . Ow, my hands hurt.  .  .  . My arms are aching with the drop and the strain of holding me up.  .  .  . My feet feel completely uncoordinated.  .  .  . The rope keeps slipping out of the hook of my right knee.  .  .  .

And then I’ve got it. Phew. Now my feet are in place, it’s infinitely easier. I lower myself down, hand over hand, feet taking enough weight so I don’t get rope burn, and drop lightly to the floor. I cross the huge, empty room to the window that looks onto the classroom wing. And there it is, across from me: the window of Lower Sixth C, with my desk right next to it.

Aunt Gwen used to drive me mad by saying “Everything happens for a reason.” God, how I hate that expression. People only use it when something bad has happened to you, and it never makes you feel any better. I did notice that the one thing that Aunt Gwen did not say “Everything happens for a reason” about was Dan’s death. Even she didn’t manage to put a pious spin on that.

But now, reluctantly, those very words are ringing in my head. As I pick up Aunt Gwen’s bird-watching binoculars, which I brought in yesterday, and hold them in front of my eyes, focusing on my desk by the window (one of the worst desks in the room, because its owner is trapped at the far end of a front row), I wonder if maybe everything does happen for a reason, as now I can focus perfectly on my desk, which is in full view—the best desk in the room for surveillance purposes  .  .  .

There’s always the chance that someone already nipped back into the classroom and sneaked a replacement envelope into my desk. But hopefully they haven’t done that yet. Hopefully they’ll be waiting till the floor empties out, and it’s nice and quiet, with much less chance of anyone else entering the classroom just as they lift the lid of my desk and slide that envelope in.  .  .  .

So I curl up as best as I can on the windowsill, and keep watching.

My hands cramp on the binoculars. My feet go to sleep. My legs get pins and needles.

No matter how much I shift position, I can’t get comfortable on this hard, cold stone windowsill.

Half an hour goes by. And still there’s no one in the classroom. Bored, I start to train the binoculars on other windows, and then on the school grounds, checking back on the window next to my desk every minute or so just to make sure I don’t miss anything. Oh wow  .  .  . Jase Barnes! When I’m sitting at that desk, I spend so much time looking out the window, trying to spot him. And now I’ve got my wish: I’m looking at him, and he doesn’t know. Spying on him feels weird, naughty, and wrong, but exciting at the same time. He’s walking round the side of the new extension, the big ugly wing my grandmother added in the seventies. Ted Barnes’s cottage is back there, off behind the new building, so maybe that’s where he’s coming from.

It’s the first time I’ve seen Jase out of work clothes: he’s in jeans and a bright blue shirt that fits him really nicely, and as he strides, his steps long and loose, across the drive and in through the side door of Wakefield Hall, he looks so gorgeous that I completely forget that I’m supposed to be watching my classroom. Only when he disappears from view do I realize what I’m actually here for and guiltily whip the binoculars back to the classroom window again. Also, I realize that my mouth is actually hanging open. I may even be drooling a bit.

Ooh, movement—someone in the classroom! I frantically focus on them, hoping to God that I haven’t missed anything while I was ogling Jase. It’s Lizzie. She’s carrying the most awful handbag—it’s gigantic and puke green, glinting with gold studs and tassels and buckles and decorative padlocks. I’m sure it’s the latest in designer clothes, but that doesn’t make it any less ugly. Lizzie looks exactly like a low-grade pupil at St. Tabby’s. She reminds me of the girls further down the social scale who slavishly copy everything that Plum and Nadia and Venetia wear, but who are just clones, without a personality or style of their own.

Lizzie dumps the horrible handbag down onto her desk, and stares at it for a moment. Oh my God, I think, is it Lizzie? Is she about to reach inside it and pull out a replacement note for me? Then she does something really unexpected. She sits down behind her desk, puts her arms on it, pushing the bag away, and drops her head between her arms. For a moment I can’t work out what’s happening. Then I focus in tighter on her body, and realize that her shoulders are bobbing up and down. She’s crying. Maybe she’s just realized how much money she threw away on that atrocity of a bag.

I’m joking to make light of the fact that, truthfully, there’s something that creeps me out about silently watching someone else cry. I feel like a voyeur of someone else’s pain, and I don’t like it. I want to put down the binoculars, but I can’t, because of the very slim chance that it might be Lizzie after all, having a sob before she pulls herself together and leaves me another note after all.  .  .  .

I sigh. My attention slips from crying Lizzie, to wonder instead what Jase is doing in the Wakefield Hall main building. Reporting to my grandmother on the grounds maintenance, I assume, or something equally dull. But my imagination runs away with me, and I picture Jase taking his time as he walks through the school, on the alert to see if he’ll bump into me, and causing a raging hormonal stir in every girl he passes.  .  .  . God, I’m being an idiot to think that Jase might be on the lookout for me. He could have his pick of any girl here, and he probably flirts with anyone who crosses his path.

There’s more movement in the classroom. I snap my attention back, and when I see who’s just entered, I suck my breath in sharply.

It’s Taylor.

She takes in the scene in front of her, and says something. I see her lips move. Lizzie raises her head and turns to look at Taylor. I can’t see her face, but she must have said something, and something funny, to boot, because Taylor bursts out laughing. Weird. Why is Lizzie crying one minute and making jokes the next? Then Lizzie pushes her chair back and jumps up. She’s gesturing, her head is jerking back and forth: it looks like she’s shouting at Taylor.

Taylor is frowning now, snapping out some sort of response, which just seems to wind Lizzie up further. She’s pointing at Taylor, her head’s still wobbling  .  .  . I guess that she’s still yelling. I am so frustrated I can’t read lips! But even if I could, I’d only get one side of the interchange, because all I can see is the back of Lizzie’s head.

What are they arguing about? What could fashion-victim Lizzie and butch, tree-climbing Taylor possibly have to argue about?

My mind is racing with excitement and speculation, so much that I actually jump when another shape walks into the twin circles of my binoculars. I pull back quickly, fiddling to get this new actor in the scene in focus. It’s Meena. Yawn. Meena’s the archetypal Wakefield Hall girl, a dowdy brainiac whose only aim seems to be to pass as many exams as possible. How my grandmother would love a school full of girls just like her, with her lank hair, baggy cords, oversize fluffy sweater and equally oversize brain. Meena’s arms hang awkwardly by her sides and she stands there, looking confused at the fight going on in the classroom.

Still, Meena  .  .  . could she be the one who left the note? I remember how nice she was to me when I pulled that ink-stained envelope out of my desk, how concerned she was, how she leaned forward. I thought she was being caring, but maybe she was trying to see how stained the envelope actually was, whether her message inside was still readable. And for Meena, who sits behind me, it would be pretty easy to leave a note in my desk.

But why on earth would Meena leave me a message like that? What could dowdy, unchic Meena know about anything that happened at a super-cool St. Tabby’s party?

Meena’s saying something, looking back and forth between Taylor and Lizzie. Lizzie waves her arms about again. Taylor shrugs, her expression bored. Lizzie flops back down into the chair again and sinks her head in her arms once more. I tilt the binoculars, fiddling again with the focus, trying to keep all three girls in view.

Just then, Taylor’s head turns toward the windows and for a second she’s looking directly at me, those green eyes meeting mine. Even though I know she can’t possibly see me—I’m too far away—it’s a shock. I jump, and the binoculars slip momentarily in my suddenly sweaty hands. And then Taylor turns on her heel and walks quickly out of the classroom. Had she come in to leave the note? Was she so frustrated to find Lizzie there that she said something that made Lizzie angry? And why is she walking out without saying another word?

Meena pulls up a chair to sit next to Lizzie, puts her arm round Lizzie’s shoulders, and hands her some tissues to dry her eyes. Lizzie raises her head, dabbing at her face with the tissues. They talk for a while, their heads close together. Then they stand up. Lizzie gathers up her nasty green bag, and they walk toward the door. Lizzie’s ahead.

And then Meena stops by her desk. She opens the lid, and my heart slams. Is this it? Did she come in to leave that note; is it in her desk, is she about to fish it out and put it in mine? Lizzie’s left the classroom by now. Meena is completely unobserved, as far as she knows.

But no such luck. The lid goes down again and all Meena has in her hands are a couple of books—probably what she came into the classroom to get. She’s going out. That’s it. All that drama for nothing. No note left. It’s not Meena.

My shoulders sag in disappointment.

Then Lizzie darts back inside again. Her mouth is moving, her head’s turned toward the door, she’s saying something—to Meena, I assume, who is still invisible. My heart is suddenly pounding: is this it? Is it Lizzie? She’s moving fast across the room, going straight for my desk—no, no, she isn’t, she’s going toward Meena’s, which is just behind mine. She’s picking up the pack of tissues, which Meena left on her desk. She’s taking the tissues and slipping them into her bag.

It’s not Lizzie.

And then I gasp. Because Lizzie, passing my desk on her way out, the tissues tucked away, is pulling out something else from her bag. A white envelope. In one smooth movement, she cracks open my desk lid with one hand and slides in the envelope with the other, never slowing her stride.

It’s Lizzie.

She’s gone. Oh my God. I can’t believe I actually saw it happen! My plan worked! I stay watching the room for another ten minutes or so. It’s an effort even to hold the binoculars straight, I’m so excited now. But I wait and watch for a while, because that’s the good super-spy thing to do.

Also, I’m sure that if I tried to climb the rope back up to the roof in my advanced state of excitement, fizzing with ideas about how to confront Lizzie and get the truth from her, I would be so buzzy that I would slip, fall off, break my ankle, and lie here in a deserted room padlocked from the outside till I starved to death.

I really ought to start carrying my mobile with me on dangerous spying missions. Just in case.