My name’s Mickey Kerbaugh. My Auntie Mommie made up a song about the Man in the Hat. It goes:
Auntie Mommie used to tell me to stay in bed or the Man in the Hat would come get me like he came got Mommie. Auntie Mommie would do each line as she sang it. You know, I’d be under the covers, and she’d grab my hair and pull my head back for the first part and it hurt. Then she’d pinch my nose. And then, well you know, she’d punch me … down there.
Auntie Mommie is not real Mommie, because the Man in the Hat came got real Mommie when she turned red. I said that. Then I went to live with Auntie Mommie. And later Auntie Mommie turned red too, and the Man in the Hat came got her. Finally I left Nawlins and nobody ever is allowed to go back there. Nobody. Or maybe they’d turn red too. I didn’t, but maybe they would.
The Man in the Hat wears long black clothes. He has a long beard and brown teeth and smells like pee-pee. He even gave me black candy when Mommie turned red, and it tasted like worms. He watches at night from the black outside the window, and he’ll come get me next. Auntie Mommie said so.
Well, I’m with the Big People now, and today I found a new friend. He lives by the water near the little fish and his name is Mr. Funny Nose, and all of the Little Green People like him a lot.
I could sing a song but the Big People don’t like it. Maybe I could sing a song for Mr. Funny Nose.