chapter twenty-five

I woke up lying flat on my back on the grassy floor, my head pillowed in Arawn’s lap. At first, I was groggy enough not to be quite sure what was going on, but when my mind cleared, I hastily sat up.

Too hastily, my swimming head told me, and I had to close my eyes until the world steadied around me and I didn’t feel quite so much like barfing.

When I opened my eyes again, I saw Arawn had moved away and was now sitting with his back propped against the base of one of the chairs, one long leg stretched out in front of him, the other bent. He was watching me, but he didn’t say anything, for which I was grateful. I needed a little time to gather my wits before I would be capable of conversation.

I shuddered as I remembered why I had been lying unconscious on the floor. There was a lot of blood on my pants, though whether from the bullet wound or the slice in my palm, I wasn’t sure. I turned my hand over and looked at my palm, but someone—either Titania, or more likely Arawn—had healed the bone-deep cut until there was nothing left of it but a thin red line.

“All your wounds are healed,” Arawn said quietly, like he was trying not to startle a frightened animal.

I nodded, still not trusting my voice. I glanced around the room and saw that Titania was gone, which was probably a good thing. The less she and I saw of one another, the more likely I’d survive to adulthood.

It took a while for the implications of the Erlking’s words to sink in. All your wounds are healed, he’d said. Meaning the burn, too?

“The mark would have finished repairing itself in another day or two,” he said, answering my unspoken question. “I merely sped it along.”

“So Ethan’s face will heal, too?” I asked, and discovered my voice was hoarse and my throat raw. How much had I screamed? I didn’t want to know.

He nodded. “When Titania releases him, I will fix his mark as well. I’m sure he will be more pleasing to your eye without a suppurating wound on his face.”

“And coincidentally, he’ll be a lot easier for you to control.”

“Maybe, maybe not.”

I frowned at him. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I have a proposition for you.”

I quickly scrambled to my feet, and although dizziness threatened to swamp me again, I gritted my teeth and fought through it. “Oh, no!” I snapped, taking a step back from him. “No more of your propositions!”

He laughed and stayed seated. I was severely tempted to call the magic back. The Erlking was an independent power, not a member of the Seelie Court, which meant he wasn’t covered under my agreement with Titania.

“I think you’ll want to hear this proposition,” he said.

No, I didn’t exactly want to hear it. But I wasn’t sure I could afford not to hear it. Damn him!

The Erlking must have sensed my capitulation, though I didn’t say anything. Keeping a careful eye on me—if I didn’t know better, I might almost think he was afraid of me—he rose to his feet. I had to practically crane my neck to meet his eyes.

“I’ve come to know you rather well over the course of our acquaintance,” he said in that deep, rumbly voice of his.

Way too well, in my opinion. Half the time I swore he could predict my actions before I had a clue what I was going to do.

“I once thought I could persuade you to fulfill our agreement over time, but now I’m not so sure.”

“But you can’t go back on our agreement, right?” I asked in alarm.

He patted the air with his hand in a calming gesture. “No, no, that’s not where I’m going with this.”

I’d have let out a breath of relief if I didn’t suspect that wherever he was going with this was going to be worse.

“You have obviously become very protective of Elizabeth,” he continued.

Yeah, I was so protective of her that I’d given her up. Twice.

“You did not accept Titania’s proposal that you pledge allegiance to the Seelie Court, and therefore you are free to warn Elizabeth about me.”

I’d been trying not to think about that, but of course I never seemed to be able to avoid unpleasantness for long.

“I haven’t forgotten you hold Connor hostage,” I said, staring at the floor in hopes that Arawn wouldn’t read anything in my face. Because I was going to have to make a choice between protecting Elizabeth and protecting Connor, and I wasn’t sure what choice I’d end up making. Connor was my brother, but Elizabeth had already been through so much in her short life. I felt so sorry for her I could almost taste it.

“But perhaps that isn’t enough to persuade you to hold your tongue,” the Erlking said.

So much for trying to hide what I was thinking.

“Besides,” he said, his voice gentling, “Connor has been a member of my Hunt for many centuries. As I’ve tried to tell you, I’m not the monster you think I am. I can like and dislike people just as anyone else can, and I like Connor. I would very much prefer not to be forced to hurt him for something that is not his fault. I will do it if you force my hand, but I don’t wish to. Do you understand?”

I was too exhausted to manage much of a glare, but I did the best I could. “Yeah, I get it. It would hurt you as much as it would hurt him, blah, blah, blah.”

Arawn’s lips twitched like he was suppressing a smile. “My proposal is this: I will unconditionally release Ethan from the Hunt and from my service. I will remove my mark from him, and it will be like his capture never happened.”

Suddenly, my knees felt all weak and wobbly again, and I hurried to sit in one of the chairs before I collapsed. “Would that mean…?” I couldn’t even speak the words, almost afraid of the answer.

“It means Ethan would no longer be my hostage. It means I could no longer bind him to my Hunt should you bestow your virginity upon another.”

To be freed from my agreement with the Erlking … My mind could barely encompass what that would mean.

In the weeks since I’d made my devil’s bargain, I’d tried to resign myself to a truly depressing future. I would never be able to have sex without losing Ethan to the Wild Hunt, and even if he and I broke up someday, I’d never have been willing to sacrifice him like that. I’d tried to convince myself that I could stand the idea of dying a virgin, that I could still have a good life even if I could never hope to get married or have kids or even have anything resembling a normal relationship with a guy. I hadn’t had any success fooling myself.

“You’re too strong-willed for me to believe you will ever give yourself to me,” the Erlking said. “There seems little point in keeping our agreement intact.”

Even in my shocky and exhausted state of mind, it wasn’t hard to guess what the catch was. “You mean now that you know there’s another Faeriewalker you can prey on. One who’s more likely to give you what you want.”

“Indeed. In return for Ethan’s release, you will accept a geis that will prevent you from revealing my secret.”

“So I can gain my freedom, but only if I make no attempt to warn Elizabeth away from you.” I felt tears of anger and frustration building in my eyes and fought to keep them from falling.

He nodded. His eyes looked almost kind, but it was a total lie. “One of the hardest lessons to learn in life is that you cannot save everyone. I think that lesson is particularly hard for you.”

A part of me knew he was right, but I refused to give up without a fight. I hummed a note. The magic came to my call, but it felt sluggish, and the room spun around me. The Erlking didn’t look even mildly alarmed.

“Magic takes its toll,” he said, “and you’ve used a lot of it today.”

“I bet I can manage one more spell,” I panted, though I wasn’t so sure. I barely had hold of any magic at all right now, and I suspected it took rather a lot to cast my special spell.

The Erlking sat down, completely relaxed despite what he’d seen my magic do earlier. “I honestly don’t think your spell will work on me.”

Like he would tell me if he thought it would.

His brow creased in thought, and he hesitated as if trying to pick his words carefully. “I was not born,” he said. “I have no parents, no memories of childhood, no memories of being anything other than what I am now. There’s a reason I’m immortal, and I think it may be that I’m not exactly alive in the first place. I am a force of nature, or a construct of magic, or an integral element of Faerie. But I am not something that can be killed.”

I let the magic go, but only because my whole body was shaking with the strain of trying to hold even a thimbleful of it. The Erlking sounded sincere, and maybe he really believed what he was saying. But I certainly wouldn’t put it past him to be making this up to discourage me from casting my spell. As far as I could tell, he’d never outright lied to me, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t.

“You have saved your friends and you have saved your father, against all odds,” he said. “Be content with that. Let Titania shoulder the burden of protecting Elizabeth. Titania and I have danced this dance before many times. Sometimes I win, sometimes she does. But in any case, you do not leave the child undefended if you look out for your own best interests for once.”

I hate giving up. Maybe I’m just a naturally contrary person, but I always feel like there’s a solution to every problem if only I dig deep enough. But I was tired of digging. Tired, period.

“What about Connor?” I asked. Part of my current agreement with the Erlking was that he’d let Connor go if and when I actually fulfilled my part.

“Do you honestly mean to suggest that one day you would have done what was necessary to free him?”

I sighed, my shoulders slumping. “No.” My voice was little more than a defeated whisper.

“He has been bound to me, to the Wild Hunt, for most of his life. I’m not certain how he would have fared had you managed to free him. Let him be.”

“And your mark? Will you get it off of me?”

He shook his head. “You have amply demonstrated your power, and it’s true that when word reaches Mab of what you can do, she might hesitate to attack you. But she might not. She is more capricious than Titania. You can still use my mark to summon me, should you ever need me. Even if we void our agreement, I am still your ally.” His face broke into a smile. “Whether you want me as one or not.”

I made an undignified snorting sound.

The Erlking pulled his knife out of his boot. Titania must have given it back to him after she finished slicing me open with it. I really wasn’t looking forward to another blood oath.

“We can seal our new bargain with a kiss, if you’d prefer,” the Erlking said, but not like he thought I’d go for it.

I shook my head and held out my hand, wincing in anticipation. “Let’s just get this over with.”