9

There's a pretty good-sized crowd out there.” Pastor Chris entered Nick's office. “I guess you were right about adding a second service.”

Nick smiled as he adjusted his tie. “Sometimes, I manage to get it right. Of course, it's usually when I’m repeating what the Lord's already told me.”

Strains of music filtered through the door as the praise band started the first song. Nick pulled the door open, feeling the rush of the music as it grew louder. “Time to get out there.”

Chris nodded, stepping ahead of him but stopping in the doorway. “Say, it's great that Maura's here today.”

Nick blinked. “What? You saw Maura? Here?”

“Yeah, I saw her walk in with Lainie.” Chris crossed his arms and cocked his head at Nick. “You mean you didn’t know she was here?”

“That woman is full of surprises.” At least this is a good one. His attempt to apologize for past mistakes and to draw her back to the church had been a miserable failure. They’d hardly spoken since that disastrous lunch in the park. He had no idea what brought her here today.

But now, he had more important work to do. He couldn’t let himself be distracted by the shambles of his personal life. It was time to focus on the Lord and ministering to His people. Nick took a deep breath. No matter what I say or do, let them hear and see you, Lord.

Maura stood in the back of the sanctuary, wondering again how she’d let Lainie talk her into this. She’d been attending the youth group meetings for the last three weeks and even looked forward to them. But then Lainie had come up with the idea of having Maura help during the Sunday service.

“It would be so great,” she’d said while bouncing on the balls of her feet and sending her ponytail swinging. “I’m always looking for new ways to get the point across, and drama is perfect. You could lead the kids through some skits.”

Maura resisted at first, but Lainie persisted. “Look at it this way, if you’re going to teach drama classes at your theatre, what better way to get the kids interested? Give them a little taste of it now.”

She had a point. Besides, if Maura worked with the kids, she wouldn’t have to talk to the rest of the congregation. She could just slip in and slip out. That way, she could avoid actually attending the service.

Lainie had neglected to tell her that the youth group stayed in the church for the beginning of the service and worshiped with the congregation before leaving for their own study time.

From her spot by the wall, Maura watched the sanctuary fill up. Wanting to snag a seat in the back before they were gone, Maura slipped into a pew, trying not to attract any attention. She looked down at her lap, pretending to read the bulletin in her hands, only to avoid making eye contact with anyone. Her eyes grew wide when she saw the monthly church calendar printed on the back. Almost every day had some event, meeting, or class inked in. And Nick probably attended every one of them.

Maura looked up at the front of the church. As clearly as if it was happening at that very moment, she remembered the day Nick was installed as senior pastor. He knelt before the altar, surrounded by the church elders. They reached out, their hands touching his shoulders, back, head, wherever they could find a spot. They prayed to impart a blessing, but to Maura, it meant something else. From the moment she and Nick arrived in Granger, someone was always reaching out for him, grabbing him, needing his time, his prayer, his attention. As the prayers continued up front, the people sitting in the pews around Maura reached out, laying their hands on her. And in that moment, she knew they wouldn’t stop at Nick. As the pastor's wife, they were already reaching out for her too.

A hand fell on her shoulder. Maura jumped and her shoulders tightened as she turned to see who stood behind her. She whooshed out a sigh of relief as Rachel slid into the pew beside her.

“I had to look twice to make sure it was you.” Rachel took her hand and squeezed it. “It's so good to see you here.”

“Thanks. Where are Derrick and the kids?”

“They’re sitting up there.” She wiggled her finger toward the front of the church.

Maura shifted in her seat, not liking the idea of splitting up a family. “Wouldn’t you rather sit with them?”

“No, I sit with them every Sunday. It's been too long since I had the chance to worship with you.”

Maura didn’t know what to say. In some weird way, it felt good to be back in a church with a friend sitting next to her. Kind of like putting on a pair of unstylish, but remarkably comfortable shoes. She didn’t want to like it, but part of her did. Thankfully, the band began to play, so she didn’t have to think about it. The congregation rose to its feet to sing a lively song of praise. It was one Maura hadn’t heard before, but she followed along as best she could.

After another upbeat number, the music slowed, becoming sweet and contemplative. This one, Maura knew. The song asked God for more of His love, more of His power. She recognized it as one of Nick's favorites. Up until that point, Maura had resisted the urge to look for him, but now she couldn’t stop herself. With just a small turn of her head, she zeroed in on him. He left his spot in the front pew and moved up the platform steps, stopping in front of the altar. Singing all the while, he joined the worship team as they led the congregation. His eyes closed, and he raised his hands slightly, as if he was open and ready to receive whatever God had in store for him.

An electric jolt surged through Maura. She experienced more than mere awareness of Nick—more than her attraction to him as a man. Somehow, she felt the connection he had with the Lord. There had been a time in her life when she could lose herself in worship and feel that it was just her and God, communicating on a personal, intimate level, even when other people surrounded her. She could tell Nick was in that place now, and for a moment, she yearned to feel it too.

Rachel casually tucked a tissue into Maura's hand. Embarrassed, Maura dabbed at her eyes just as the tears started to fall, hoping the mascara she’d put on that morning hadn’t run all over her face.

How could she let this happen? She should know by now that it was all part of the big show. The emotion, the music, it all played on you, made you open up, so God could come in and knock you over. WHAM! Your husband belongs to me. WHAM! Your life is not your own. WHAM! I’ve taken away everyone who ever mattered to you.

No, she’d been on the receiving end of God's love once, and she wasn’t about to let her defenses down again.

Maura grabbed the edges of her ragged emotions and pulled them tightly around her as the song faded to a close. By the time the praise team moved away from the microphones and down to the pews, Maura was back in control. Standing front and center, Nick welcomed the congregation and released the youth group to go to its study. With a flutter-fingered good-bye to Rachel, Maura popped from her seat, more than ready to follow Lainie and the teenagers out of the sanctuary.

“Today, I thought we’d talk about weeds.”

The teenagers stared at Lainie in confusion. One stocky boy, who looked like he was built to be a linebacker, dug his elbow into the ribs of the fellow next to him.

“The sheriff already stopped by the high school and gave us that talk. We know we’re supposed to run from weed.”

“Crack is whack!” his buddy yelled out.

Laughter filled the room, and several of the kids shot their arms into the air, hands balled into fists, and shouted together “Just say no!”

Sitting in the back of the room, Maura covered her mouth with one hand, holding back a full-blown belly laugh. Lainie didn’t hold anything back, making a show of rolling her eyes and laughing along with the teenagers. “Sheriff Reynolds will be thrilled to find out he made such an impact on you. But I’m not talking about weed. I’m talking about weeds. The kind you find in your garden.”

A chorus of moans filled the room, heads sagged, and shoulders crumpled. Maura had been skeptical when Lainie had first approached her with the idea of using weeds to illustrate this lesson. After all, how many teenagers knew anything about gardening? But Lainie was confident it would work. Judging from the reaction in the room, not only were these kids familiar with the subject of weeds, they had strong opinions about them.

“I see you know the kind I’m talking about,” Lainie went on. “The ones you just can’t kill, no matter how many times your mom or dad sends you out to deal with them. Well, that's what unforgiveness is like. It sits in your heart, plants its big, stubborn roots, and it grows up into this ugly, life-sucking monster.”

She made come-to-me motions with her hands, calling Danielle and Steven, two of the more outgoing members of the group, to the front. “Danni is mad at Steven.”

“I am?” The girl glanced over at her friend and gave him a wink.

Lainie nodded. “Yes, for this dramatic illustration, you are.” She turned back to the group. “Let's say he … he promised to help Danni study for a test, but he went to a party instead, and she ended up flunking.”

Danni shook her head. “Not cool, Ace.”

Steven shrugged his shoulders as a cocky grin spread across his face. “Sorry, dude. Something came up.”

“Steven's sorry,” Lainie said, pointing at the boy. “But Danni doesn’t care. She's just not going to forgive him. And that's when things start to get messy.”

Maura heard her cue. From her spot in the back, she slunk forward, making her way to the front of the room.

Lainie crooked a thumb at her. “Enter Unforgiveness.”

Maura latched on to Danni, putting a hand on each of the girl's shoulders and pulling at her just a bit.

Lainie turned back to the other kids in the room. “Whatever Danni does now, she's dragging Unforgiveness along with her.” She strolled over to Danni, pretending to run into her on the street. “Hi, Danni. How’re you doing today?”

Maura pulled down on Danni's shoulders, making the ugliest face she could behind the girl's back. Giggles erupted throughout the room.

“Not too good,” Danni answered, wobbling a little as Maura exerted more pressure. “To tell you the truth, I feel weighed down.”

Lainie nodded. “Maybe it's because you’re still mad at Steven. You know, he told me he feels pretty bad about what happened. Maybe you should forgive him.”

From behind her, Maura now slipped her arms around the front of Danni's neck, pretending to choke the girl. With her head looking over Danni's shoulder, she said in a stage whisper, “How do you know he won’t do it again?”

Playing along, Danni choked out the words, “I don’t.”

Lainie signaled with her hand, cuing Steven, who ran up to Danni. “Danni, I’m really, really sorry about not helping you with the test. Can you please forgive me?”

Danni looked over at the other members of the youth group. “I think I’d better before this unforgiveness kills me.” She turned her head back toward Steven. “Yes, I forgive you.”

Steven moved forward to hug Danni, and as he did, he pulled Maura's hands from around the girl's neck and pushed her backward. As the two teens hugged, Maura made a big show of falling to the ground, moaning and groaning, effectively dying.

The group applauded as Danni and Steven went back to their seats, and Maura, staying in character, crawled to the back of the room.

Clapping, Lainie moved to the middle of the room. “As you just saw, unforgiveness will suck all the joy out of you if you let it.”

Lainie continued to speak to the group, but Maura's mind branched off in a myriad of different directions.

Brushing off the knees of her dress pants, she decided a change was in order. If she was going to make a habit of crawling around on the floor, she should probably start wearing jeans to youth group meetings.

She looked up, spotting Danni and Steven. They were naturals when it came to improvisation. She’d have to talk to them about joining her acting classes once she got them started.

When she could think of no other distractions, Maura examined her own heart. She had tried so hard for so long to put Nick out of her mind and ignore any lingering feelings she had toward him. But today, as she played the weed of unforgiveness, all those emotions had been stirred up. The heaviness, the ugliness, all of it came from a place inside her that was still mad at Nick for pushing her to the point where she felt she had no choice but to leave him. And when she whispered in Danni's ear and asked, “How do you know he won’t do it again?” the question had come straight from her own heart.

It was time to face it; she was still angry with Nick. And she didn’t trust him. She was afraid that if she forgave him and let her guard down he would hurt her again.

“See you Wednesday!”

Lainie's call to the departing teenagers brought Maura out of her reverie. The class was over, and the room emptied in less than a minute.

“I’m always amazed at the mess teenagers leave behind,” Lainie said good-naturedly as she stacked chairs. “I didn’t even see anybody eating today, and there are still crumbs all over the floor. Oh, well, they all seemed to have a good time. And mixing it up with that little drama was a big hit. Thanks for rolling with it.”

“That's what I’m here for,” Maura answered. “It was fun. I think we can do a lot more with the group.”

Maura picked up the last chair and moved it off to the side of the room. Though she tried to concentrate on cleaning, thoughts of Nick nagged at her. She needed to forgive him, if for no other reason than to get this weight off her chest. But it wouldn’t be as easy as it had been for Danni and Steven in their little skit.

“You know,” she said to Lainie, who was pushing a carpet sweeper across the floor, “the whole topic of unforgiveness is interesting. It got me to thinking … what if you need to forgive someone for something they don’t know they did? In order to forgive them, you’d have to tell them how they hurt you. In that case, wouldn’t forgiving them be more painful than just keeping it to yourself?”

Maura hoped her question came off as casual musing. But when Lainie turned to her, she could see the youth leader knew it was more personal than hypothetical. Thankfully, Lainie didn’t dig for more details.

“Actually, the most important part of forgiving someone goes on in your heart. If someone hurt you, and you truly forgive that person in your heart, it will show in your actions toward him or her in the future. And sometimes, we need to forgive someone who's not around to talk back. The key is letting go of your anger and hurt and extending forgiveness from your heart, even if it's not face-to-face. After that, you just need to stand back and let God do the rest.”

Why did God always have to wind up in the middle of everything? She’d certainly never forgiven Him for the events of the past few years. This would be harder than she’d thought.

Well, one step at a time. She needed to forgive Nick. That much was certain. After today, she felt she was ready to do it.

The church campus appeared empty by the time Maura and Lainie left the youth room. There were still a few cars in the parking lot, but not another person could be seen.

“The place sure clears out fast after service,” Maura said.

Lainie nodded. “Unless it's our monthly coffee fellowship hour, people usually scoot out of here pretty quick. Lunch time, you know. And speaking of lunch, would you like to get a bite? I’m starving.”

Maura was hungry. But more than that, she thought how nice it would be to have lunch with someone and not just take a sandwich back to the empty theatre where she spent most of her time. “Yeah, that’d be great.”

As they went to Lainie's car, the outer door to the church office opened. Pastors Chris and Nick walked out, both looking a little drained after a full morning.

“Hey, you two,” Lainie waved. “You finally getting out of here?”

Chris nodded. “We’re on our way to lunch.”

Maura looked at Nick. Their eyes caught and held. This was it. She needed to do it now. I forgive you, Nick. The thought rushed through her, and Maura felt as though something actually snapped in her head. She smiled and without thinking, she asked, “Would the two of you like to join us?”

There it was—her olive branch to Nick. It didn’t completely demolish all that stood between them, but at least she’d started to chip away at it. For his part, Nick looked completely shocked at her invitation. Then the corners of his mouth turned up ever so slightly. In a soft voice he answered, “That would be nice.”