Ambition

‘Fin?’

‘Mmmm?’

He propped himself up on his elbow, grinning down at her. ‘I love you.’

‘Mmmm.’

A pause. She had long ago stopped expecting love to fall upon her like a bolt of lightning. Some people are prone to love of that kind. Others are harder-headed.

‘Fin?’

‘Mmmm?’

‘Really. I love you.’

She did love him, even if she somehow found it hard to say the words. Something very close to love. He looked magnificent in a uniform and even better without one, sometimes surprised her by making her laugh, and there was definite fire when they kissed. He was honourable, generous, diligent, respectful, good-smelling … no towering intellect, true, but probably that was just as well. There is rarely room for two of those in one marriage.

‘Good boy,’ she murmured, patting him on his cheek. She had great affection for him, and only occasionally a little contempt, which was better than she could say for most men. They were well matched. Optimist and pessimist, idealist and pragmatist, dreamer and cynic. Not to mention his noble blood and her burning ambition.

He gave a disappointed sigh. ‘I swear every man in the whole damn army loves you.’

‘Your commanding officer, Lord Governor Meed?’

‘Well … no, probably not him, but I expect even he’d warm to you if you stopped making such a bloody fool of him.’

‘If I stopped he’d only do it to himself.’

‘Probably, but men have a higher tolerance for that.’

‘There’s only one officer whose opinion I give a damn about, anyway.’

He smiled as he traced her ribs with a fingertip. ‘Really?’

‘Captain Hardrick.’ She clicked her tongue. ‘I think it’s those very, very tight cavalry trousers of his. I like to drop things so he’ll pick them up for me. Ooops.’ She touched her finger to her lip, fluttering her lashes. ‘Curse my clumsiness, I’ve let fall my fan again! You couldn’t just reach for it, could you, Captain? You’ve almost got it. Only bend a little lower, Captain. Only bend … a little … lower.

‘Shameless. I don’t think Hardrick would suit you at all, though. The man’s dull as a plank. You’d be bored in minutes.’

Finree puffed out her cheeks. ‘You’re probably right. A good arse only goes so far. Something most men never realise. Maybe …’ She thought through her acquaintance for the most ridiculous lover, smiled as she lighted on the perfect candidate. ‘Bremer dan Gorst, then? Can’t really say he’s got the looks … or the wit … or the standing, but I’ve a feeling there’s a deep well of emotion beneath that lumpen exterior. The voice would take some getting used to, of course, if one could coax out more than two words together, but if you like the strong and silent type, I’d say he scores stupendously high on both counts— What?’ Hal wasn’t smiling any more. ‘I’m joking. I’ve known him for years. He’s harmless.’

‘Harmless? Have you ever seen him fight?’

‘I’ve seen him fence.’

‘Not quite the same.’

There was something in the way he was holding back that made her want to know more. ‘Have you seen him fight?’

‘Yes.’ ‘And?’

‘And … I’m glad he’s on our side.’

She brushed the tip of his nose with a finger. ‘Oh, my poor baby. Are you scared of him?’

He rolled away from her, onto his back. ‘A little. Everyone should be at least a little scared of Bremer dan Gorst.’ That surprised her. She hadn’t thought Hal was afraid of anything. They lay there, for a moment, the canvas above them flapping gently with the wind outside.

Now she felt guilty. She did love Hal. She had marked down all the points the day he proposed. Considered all the pros and cons and categorically proved it to herself. He was a good man. One of the best. Excellent teeth. Honest, brave, loyal to a fault. But those things are not always enough. That was why he needed someone more practical to steer him through the rapids. That was why he needed her.

‘Hal.’

‘Yes?’

She rolled towards him, pressing herself against his warm side, and whispered in his ear. ‘I love you.’

She had to admit to enjoying the power she had over him. That was all it took to make him beam with happiness. ‘Good girl,’ he whispered, and he kissed her, and she kissed him back, tangling her fingers in his hair. What is love anyway, but finding someone who suits you? Someone who makes up for your shortcomings?

Someone you can work with. Work on.

Aliz dan Brint was pretty enough, clever enough and well-born enough not to constitute an embarrassment, but neither pretty enough, clever enough nor well-born enough to pose any threat. A comparatively narrow band in which Finree felt it was safe to cultivate a friend without danger of being overshadowed. She had never liked being overshadowed.

‘I find it something of a difficult adjustment,’ murmured Aliz, glancing at the column of marching soldiers beside them from beneath her blonde lashes. ‘Being surrounded by men takes some getting used to—’

‘I wouldn’t know. The army has always been my home. My mother died when I was very young, and my father raised me.’

‘I’m … I’m sorry.’

‘Why? My father misses her, I think, but how can I? I never knew her.’

An awkward silence, hardly surprising since, Finree realised, that had been the conversational equivalent of a mace to the head. ‘Your parents?’

‘Both dead.’

‘Oh.’ That made Finree feel worse. She seemed to spend most conversations see-sawing between impatience and guilt. She resolved to be more tolerant, though she did that often and it never worked. Perhaps she should have resolved simply to keep her mouth shut, but she did that often too, with even more negligible results. Hooves clapped at the track, tramping boots rumbled in unison, punctuated by the occasional calls of officers annoyed by some break in the rhythm.

‘We are heading … north?’ asked Aliz.

‘Yes, towards the town of Osrung to rendezvous with the other two divisions, under Generals Jalenhorm and Mitterick. They might be as little as ten miles from us now, on the other side of those hills,’ and she gestured towards the lowering fells on their left with her riding crop.

‘What sort of men are they?’

‘General Jalenhorm is …’ Tact, tact. ‘A brave and honest man, an old friend of the king.’ And promoted far beyond his limited ability as a result. ‘Mitterick is a competent and experienced soldier.’ As well as a disobedient blowhard with his eyes firmly on her father’s position.

‘And each commanding as many men as our own Lord Governor Meed?’

‘Seven regiments apiece, two of cavalry and five of foot.’ Finree could have reeled off their numbers, titles and senior officers, but Aliz looked as though she was reaching the limits of comprehension as it was. The limits of her comprehension never seemed to be far off, but Finree was determined to make a friend of her even so. Her husband, Colonel Brint, was said to be close to the king himself, which made him a very useful man to know. That was why she always made a point of laughing at his tiresome jokes.

‘So many people,’ said Aliz. ‘Your father certainly carries a great responsibility.’

‘He does.’ The last time Finree had seen her father she had been shocked by how worn down he seemed. She had always thought of him as cast in iron, and the realisation that he might be soft in the middle was most disconcerting. Perhaps that was the moment you grew up, when you learned your parents were just as fallible as everyone else.

‘How many soldiers on the other side?’

‘The line between soldier and citizen is not sharply drawn in the North. They have a few thousand Carls, perhaps – professional fighters with their own mail and weapons, bred to a life of warfare, who form the spear-point of the charge and the front rank in the shield wall. But for each Carl there will be several Thralls – farmers or tradesmen pressed or paid to fight and labour, usually lightly armed with spear or bow but often hardened warriors even so. Then there are Named Men, veterans who have won a celebrated place through deeds on the battlefield and serve as officers, bodyguards or scouts in small groups called dozens. Like them.’ She pointed out a shabby set of the Dogman’s men, shadowing the column on the ridge-line to their right. ‘I’m not sure anyone knows how many Black Dow has, altogether. Probably not even Black Dow does.’

Aliz blinked. ‘You’re so knowledgeable …’

Finree very much wanted to say, ‘yes, I am’ but settled for a careless shrug. There was no magic to it. She simply listened, observed, and made sure she never spoke until she knew what she was speaking of. Knowledge is the root of power, after all.

Aliz sighed. ‘War is terrible, isn’t it?’

‘It blights the landscape, throttles commerce and industry, kills the innocent and rewards the guilty, thrusts honest men into poverty and lines the pockets of profiteers, and in the end produces nothing but corpses, monuments and tall tales.’ Finree neglected to mention that it also offered enormous opportunities, however.

‘So many men injured,’ said Aliz. ‘So many dead.’

‘An awful thing.’ Though dead men leave spaces into which the nimble-footed can swiftly step. Or into which nimble wives can swiftly manoeuvre their husbands …

‘And all these people. Losing their homes. Losing everything.’ Aliz was gazing moist-eyed at a miserable procession coming the other way, forced from the track by the soldiers and obliged to toil through their choking dust.

They were mostly women, though it was not easy to tell, they were so ragged. Some old men, and some children along with them. Northern, certainly. Poor, undoubtedly. Beyond poor, for they had virtually nothing, their faces pinched with hunger, jaws dangling with exhaustion, clutching at heartbreakingly meagre possessions. They did not look at the Union soldiers tramping the other way with hatred, or even with fear. They looked too desperate to register emotion of any kind.

Finree did not know who they were running from exactly, or where they were going. What horror had set them in motion or what others they might still face. Shaken from their homes by the blind tremors of war. Looking at them, Finree felt shamefully secure, revoltingly lucky. It is easy to forget how much you have, when your eyes are always fixed on what you have not.

‘Something should be done,’ murmured Aliz, wistfully.

Finree clenched her teeth. ‘You’re right.’ She gave her horse the spurs, possibly flicking a few specks of mud over Aliz’ white dress, covered the ground in no time and slid her mount into the knot of officers that was the frequently misfiring brain of the division.

They spoke the language of war up here. Timing and supply. Weather and morale. Rates of march and orders of battle. It was no foreign tongue to Finree, and even as she slipped her horse between them she noticed mistakes, oversights, inefficiencies. She had been brought up in barracks, and mess halls, and headquarters, had spent longer in the army than most of the officers here and knew as much about strategy, tactics and logistics as any of them. Certainly a great deal more than Lord Governor Meed, who until last year had never presided over anything more dangerous than a formal banquet.

He rode at the very centre of the press, under a standard bearing the crossed hammers of Angland, and wearing a magnificent azure uniform rigged with gold braid, better suited to an actor in a tawdry production than a general on campaign. Despite all that money wasted on tailoring, his splendid collars never seemed quite to fit and his sinewy neck always stuck from them like a turtle’s from its shell.

He had lost his three nephews years ago at the Battle of Black Well and his brother, the previous lord governor, not long after. He had nursed an insurmountable hatred for Northmen ever since and been such a keen advocate of war he had outfitted half his division at his own expense. Hatred of the enemy was no qualification for command, however. Quite the reverse.

‘Lady Brock, how wonderful that you could join us,’ he said, with mild disdain.

‘I was simply taking part in the advance and you all got in my way.’ The officers chuckled with, in Hal’s case, a slightly desperate note. He gave her a pointed look sideways, and she gave him one back. ‘I and some of the other ladies noticed the refugees on our left. We were hoping you could be prevailed upon to spare them some food?’

Meed turned his watery eyes on the miserable file with the scorn one might have for a trail of ants. ‘I am afraid the welfare of my soldiers must come first.’

‘Surely these strapping fellows could afford to miss a meal in a good cause?’ She thumped Colonel Brint’s breastplate and made him give a nervous laugh.

‘I have assured Marshal Kroy that we will be in position outside Osrung by midnight. We cannot stop.’

‘It could be done in—’

Meed turned rudely away from her. ‘Ladies and their charitable projects, mmm?’ he tossed to his officers, provoking a round of sycophantic laughter.

Finree cut through it with a shrill titter of her own. ‘Men and their playing at war, mmm?’ She slapped Captain Hardrick on the shoulder with her gloves, hard enough to make him wince. ‘What silly, womanly nonsense, to try to save a life or two. Now I see it! We should be letting them drop like flies by the roadside, spreading fire and pestilence wherever possible and leaving their country a blasted wasteland. That will teach them the proper respect for the Union and its ways, I am sure! There’s soldiering!’ She looked around at the officers, eyebrows raised. At least they had stopped laughing. Meed, in particular, had never looked more humourless, which took some doing.

‘Colonel Brock,’ he forced through tight lips. ‘I think your wife might be more comfortable riding with the other ladies.’

‘I was about to suggest it,’ said Hal, pulling his horse in front of hers and bringing them both to a sharp halt while Meed’s party carried on up the track. ‘What the hell are you doing?’ he hissed under his breath.

‘The man’s a callous idiot! A farmer playing at soldiers!’

‘We have to work with what we have, Fin! Please, don’t bait him. For me! My bloody nerves won’t stand it!’

‘I’m sorry.’ Impatience back to guilt, yet again. Not for Meed, of course, but for Hal, who had to be twice as good, twice as brave and twice as hardworking as anyone else simply to stay free of his father’s suffocating shadow. ‘But I hate to see things done badly on account of some old fool’s pride when they could just as easily be done well.’

‘Did you consider that it’s bad enough having an amateur general without having one who’s a bloody laughing stock besides? Maybe with some support he’d do better.’

‘Maybe,’ she muttered, unconvinced.

‘Can’t you stay with the other wives?’ he wheedled. ‘Please, just for now?’

‘That prattling coven?’ She screwed up her face. ‘All they talk about is who’s barren, who’s unfaithful, and what the queen’s wearing. They’re idiots.’

‘Have you ever noticed that everyone’s an idiot but you?’

She opened her eyes wide. ‘You see it too?’

Hal took a hard breath. ‘I love you. You know I do. But think about who you’re actually helping. You could have fed those people if you’d trodden softly.’ He rubbed at the bridge of his nose. ‘I’ll talk to the quartermaster, try to arrange something.’

‘Aren’t you a hero.’

‘I try, but bloody hell, you don’t make it easy. Next time, for me, please, think about saying something bland. Talk about the weather, maybe!’ As he rode off back towards the head of the column.

‘Shit on the weather,’ she muttered at his back, ‘and Meed too.’ She had to admit Hal had a point, though. She wasn’t doing herself, or her husband, or the Union cause, or even the refugees any good by irritating Lord Governor Meed.

She had to destroy him.