XVI
“Most Remarkable”
Several miles south of the cabin, upon a
strip of sandy beach, stood two old men, arguing.
Before them stretched the broad Atlantic. At their
backs was the Dark Continent.i Close
around them loomed the impenetrable blackness of the jungle.
Savage beasts roared and growled; noises, hideous
and weird, asailed their ears. They had wandered for miles in
search of their camp, but always in the wrong direction. They were
as hopelessly lost as though they suddenly had been transported to
another world.
At such a time, indeed, every fiber of their
combined intellects must have been concentrated upon the vital
question of the minute—the life-and-death question to them of
retracing their steps to camp.
Samuel T. Philander was speaking.
“But, my dear professor,” he was saying, “I still
maintain that but for the victories of Ferdinand and Isabella over
the fifteenth-century Moors in Spain the world would be today a
thousand years in advance of where we now find ourselves. The Moors
were essentially a tolerant, broad-minded, liberal race of
agriculturists, artisans and merchants—the very type of people that
has made possible such civilization as we find today in America and
Europe—while the Spaniards—”
“Tut, tut, dear Mr. Philander,” interrupted
Professor Porter; “their religion positively precluded the
possibilities you suggest. Moslemism was, is, and always will be, a
blight on that scientific progress which has marked—”
“Bless me! Professor,” interjected Mr. Philander,
who had turned his gaze toward the jungle, “there seems to be
someone approaching.”
Professor Archimedes Q. Porter turned in the
direction indicated by the nearsighted Mr. Philander.
“Tut, tut, Mr. Philander” he chided. “How often
must I urge you to seek that absolute concentration of your mental
faculties which alone may permit you to bring to bear the highest
powers of intellectuality upon the momentous problems which
naturally fall to the lot of great minds? And now I find you guilty
of a most flagrant breach of courtesy in interrupting my learned
discourse to call attention to a mere quadruped of the genus
Felis. As I was saying, Mr.—”
“Heavens, Professor, a lion?” cried Mr. Philander,
straining his weak eyes toward the dim figure outlined against the
dark tropical underbrush.
“Yes, yes, Mr. Philander, if you insist upon
employing slang in your discourse, a ‘lion.’ But as I was
saying—”
“Bless me, Professor,” again interrupted Mr.
Philander; “permit me to suggest that doubtless the Moors who were
conquered in the fifteenth century will continue in that most
regrettable condition for the time being at least, even though we
postpone discussion of that world calamity until we may attain the
enchanting view of yon Felis carnivora which distance
proverbially is credited with lending.”
In the meantime the lion had approached with quiet
dignity to within ten paces of the two men, where he stood
curiously watching them.
The moonlight flooded the beach, and the strange
group stood out in bold relief against the yellow sand.
“Most reprehensible, most reprehensible,” exclaimed
Professor Porter, with a faint trace of irritation in his voice.
“Never Mr. Philander, never before in my life have I known one of
these animals to be permitted to roam at large from its cage. I
shall most certainly report this outrageous breach of ethics to the
directors of the adjacent zoological garden.”
“Quite right, Professor,” agreed Mr. Philander,
“and the sooner it is done the better. Let us start now.”
Seizing the professor by the arm, Mr. Philander set
off in the direction that would put the greatest distance between
themselves and the lion.
They had proceeded but a short distance when a
backward glance revealed to the horrified gaze of Mr. Philander
that the lion was following them. He tightened his grip upon the
protesting professor and increased his speed.
“As I was saying, Mr. Philander,” repeated
Professor Porter.
Mr. Philander took another hasty glance rearward.
The lion also had quickened his gait, and was doggedly maintaining
an unvarying distance behind them.
“He is following us!” gasped Mr. Philander,
breaking into a run.
“Tut, tut, Mr. Philander,” remonstrated the
professor, “this unseemly haste is most unbecoming to men of
letters. What will our friends think of us, who may chance to be
upon the street and witness our frivolous antics? Pray let us
proceed with more decorum.”
Mr. Philander stole another observation
astern.
The lion was bounding along in easy leaps scarce
five paces behind.
Mr. Philander dropped the professor’s arm, and
broke into a mad orgy of speed that would have done credit to any
varsity track team.
“As I was saying, Mr. Philander—” screamed
Professor Porter, as, metaphorically speaking, he himself “threw
her into high.” He, too, had caught a fleeting backward glimpse of
cruel yellow eyes and half open mouth within startling proximity of
his person.
With streaming coat tails and shiny silk hat
Professor Archimedes Q. Porter fled through the moonlight close
upon the heels of Mr. Samuel T. Philander.
Before them a point of the jungle ran out toward a
narrow promontory, and it was for the haven of the trees he saw
there that Mr. Samuel T. Philander directed his prodigious leaps
and bounds; while from the shadows of this same spot peered two
keen eyes in interested appreciation of the race.
It was Tarzan of the Apes who watched, with face
a-grin, this odd game of follow-the-leader.
He knew the two men were safe enough from attack in
so far as the lion was concerned. The very fact that Numa had
foregone such easy prey at all convinced the wise forest craft of
Tarzan that Numa’s belly already was full.
The lion might stalk them until hungry again; but
the chances were that if not angered he would soon tire of the
sport, and slink away to his jungle lair.
Really, the one great danger was that one of the
men might stumble and fall, and then the yellow devil would be upon
him in a moment and the joy of the kill would be too great a
temptation to withstand.
So Tarzan swung quickly to a lower limb in line
with the approaching fugitives; and as Mr. Samuel T. Philander came
panting and blowing beneath him, already too spent to struggle up
to the safety of the limb, Tarzan reached down and, grasping him by
the collar of his coat, yanked him to the limb by his side.
Another moment brought the professor within the
sphere of the friendly grip, and he, too, was drawn upward to
safety just as the baffled Numa, with a roar, leaped to recover his
vanishing quarry.
For a moment the two men clung panting to the great
branch, while Tarzan squatted with his back to the stem of the
tree, watching them with mingled curiosity and amusement.
It was the professor who first broke the
silence.
“I am deeply pained, Mr. Philander, that you should
have evinced such a paucity of manly courage in the presence of one
of the lower orders, and by your crass timidity have caused me to
exert myself to such an unaccustomed degree in order that I might
resume my discourse. As I was saying, Mr. Philander when you
interrupted me, the Moors—”
“Professor Archimedes Q. Porter,” broke in Mr.
Philander, in icy tones, “the time has arrived when patience
becomes a crime and mayhem appears garbed in the mantle of virtue.
You have accused me of cowardice. You have insinuated that you ran
only to overtake me, not to escape the clutches of the lion. Have a
care, Professor Archimedes Q. Porter! I am a desperate man. Goaded
by long-suffering patience the worm will turn.”
“Tut, tut, Mr. Philander tut, tut!” cautioned
Professor Porter; “you forget yourself.”
“I forget nothing as yet, Professor Archimedes Q.
Porter; but, believe me, sir, I am tottering on the verge of
forgetfulness as to your exalted position in the world of science,
and your gray hairs.”
The professor sat in silence for a few minutes, and
the darkness hid the grim smile that wreathed his wrinkled
countenance. Presently he spoke.
“Look here, Skinny Philander,” he said, in
belligerent tones, “if you are lookin’ for a scrap, peel off your
coat and come on down on the ground, and I’ll punch your head just
as I did sixty years ago in the alley back of Porky Evans’
barn.”
“Ark!” gasped the astonished Mr. Philander. “Lordy,
how good that sounds! When you’re human, Ark, I love you; but
somehow it seems as though you had forgotten how to be human for
the last twenty years.”
The professor reached out a thin, trembling old
hand through the darkness until it found his old friend’s
shoulder.
“Forgive me, Skinny,” he said, softly. “It hasn’t
been quite twenty years, and God alone knows how hard I have tried
to be ‘human’ for Jane’s sake, and yours, too, since He took my
other Jane away.”
Another old hand stole up from Mr. Philander’s side
to clasp the one that lay upon his shoulder, and no other message
could better have translated the one heart to the other.
They did not speak for some minutes. The lion below
them paced nervously back and forth. The third figure in the tree
was hidden by the dense shadows near the stem. He, too, was
silent—motionless as a graven image.
“You certainly pulled me up into this tree just in
time,” said the professor at last. “I want to thank you. You saved
my life.”
“But I didn’t pull you up here, Professor,” said
Mr. Philander. “Bless me! The excitement of the moment quite caused
me to forget that I myself was drawn up here by some outside
agency—there must be someone or something in this tree with
us.”
“Eh?” ejaculated Professor Porter. “Are you quite
positive, Mr. Philander?”
“Most positive, Professor,” replied Mr. Philander,
“and,” he added, “I think we should thank the party. He may be
sitting right next to you now, Professor.”
“Eh? What’s that? Tut, tut, Mr. Philander, tut,
tut!” said Professor Porter, edging cautiously nearer to Mr.
Philander.
Just then it occurred to Tarzan of the Apes that
Numa had loitered beneath the tree for a sufficient length of time,
so he raised his young head toward the heavens, and there rang out
upon the terrified ears of the two old men the awful warning
challenge of the anthropoid.
The two friends, huddled trembling in their
precarious position on the limb, saw the great lion halt in his
restless pacing as the blood-curdling cry smote his ears, and then
slink quickly into the jungle, to be instantly lost to view.
“Even the lion trembles in fear,” whispered Mr.
Philander.
“Most remarkable, most remarkable,” murmured
Professor Porter, clutching frantically at Mr. Philander to regain
the balance which the sudden fright had so perilously endangered.
Unfortunately for them both, Mr. Philander’s center of equilibrium
was at that very moment hanging upon the ragged edge of nothing, so
that it needed but the gentle impetus supplied by the additional
weight of Professor Porter’s body to topple the devoted secretary
from the limb.
For a moment they swayed uncertainly, and then,
with mingled and most unscholarly shrieks, they pitched headlong
from the tree, locked in frenzied embrace.
It was quite some moments ere either moved, for
both were positive that any such attempt would reveal so many
breaks and fractures as to make further progress impossible.
At length Professor Porter made an attempt to move
one leg. To his surprise, it responded to his will as in days gone
by. He now drew up its mate and stretched it forth again.
“Most remarkable, most remarkable,” he
murmured.
“Thank God, Professor,” whispered Mr. Philander,
fervently, “you are not dead, then?”
“Tut, tut, Mr. Philander tut, tut,” cautioned
Professor Porter, “I do not know with accuracy as yet.”
With infinite solicitude Professor Porter wiggled
his right arm—joy! It was intact. Breathlessly he waved his left
arm above his prostrate body—it waved!
“Most remarkable, most remarkable,” he said.
“To whom are you signaling, Professor?” asked Mr.
Philander, in an excited tone.
Professor Porter deigned to make no response to
this puerile inquiry. Instead he raised his head gently from the
ground, nodding it back and forth a half dozen times.
“Most remarkable,” he breathed. “It remains
intact.”
Mr. Philander had not moved from where he had
fallen; he had not dared the attempt. How indeed could one move
when one’s arms and legs and back were broken?
One eye was buried in the soft loam; the other,
rolling sidewise, was fixed in awe upon the strange gyrations of
Professor Porter.
“How sad!” exclaimed Mr. Philander, half aloud.
“Concussion of the brain, superinducing total mental aberration.
How very sad indeed ! and for one still so young!”
Professor Porter rolled over upon his stomach;
gingerly he bowed his back until he resembled a huge tom cat in
proximity to a yelping dog. Then he sat up and felt of various
portions of his anatomy.
“They are all here,” he exclaimed. “Most
remarkable!”
Whereupon he arose, and, bending a scathing glance
upon the still prostrate form of Mr. Samuel T. Philander he
said:
“Tut, tut, Mr. Philander; this is no time to
indulge in slothful ease. We must be up and doing.”
Mr. Philander lifted his other eye out of the mud
and gazed in speechless rage at Professor Porter. Then he attempted
to rise; nor could there have been any more surprised than he when
his efforts were immediately crowned with marked success.
He was still bursting with rage, however, at the
cruel injustice of Professor Porter’s insinuation, and was on the
point of rendering a tart rejoinder when his eyes fell upon a
strange figure standing a few paces away, scrutinizing them
intently.
Professor Porter had recovered his shiny silk hat,
which he had brushed carefully upon the sleeve of his coat and
replaced upon his head. When he saw Mr. Philander pointing to
something behind him he turned to behold a giant, naked but for a
loin cloth and a few metal ornaments, standing motionless before
him.
“Good evening, sir!” said the professor, lifting
his hat.
For reply the giant motioned them to follow him,
and set off up the beach in the direction from which they had
recently come.
“I think it the better part of discretion to follow
him,” said Mr. Philander.
“Tut, tut, Mr. Philander,” returned the professor.
“A short time since you were advancing a most logical argument in
substantiation of your theory that camp lay directly south of us. I
was skeptical, but you finally convinced me; so now I am positive
that toward the south we must travel to reach our friends.
Therefore I shall continue south.”
“But, Professor Porter this man may know better
than either of us. He seems to be indigenous to this part of the
world. Let us at least follow him for a short distance.”
“Tut, tut, Mr. Philander,” repeated the professor.
“I am a difficult man to convince, but when once convinced my
decision is unalterable. I shall continue in the proper direction,
if I have to circumambulate the continent of Africa to reach my
destination.”
Further argument was interrupted by Tarzan, who,
seeing that these strange men were not following him, had returned
to their side.
Again he beckoned to them; but still they stood in
argument.
Presently the ape-man lost patience with their
stupid ignorance. He grasped the frightened Mr. Philander by the
shoulder, and before that worthy gentleman knew whether he was
being killed or merely maimed for life, Tarzan had tied one end of
his rope securely about Mr. Philander’s neck.
“Tut, tut, Mr. Philander,” remonstrated Professor
Porter; “it is most unbeseeming in you to submit to such
indignities.”
But scarcely were the words out of his mouth ere
he, too, had been seized and securely bound by the neck with the
same rope. Then Tarzan set off toward the north, leading the now
thoroughly frightened professor and his secretary.
In deathly silence they proceeded for what seemed
hours to the two tired and hopeless old men; but presently as they
topped a little rise of ground they were overjoyed to see the cabin
lying before them, not a hundred yards distant.
Here Tarzan released them, and, pointing toward the
little building, vanished into the jungle beside them.
“Most remarkable, most remarkable!” gasped the
professor. “But you see, Mr. Philander, that I was quite right, as
usual; and but for your stubborn willfulness we should have escaped
a series of most humiliating, not to say dangerous accidents. Pray
allow yourself to be guided by a more mature and practical mind
hereafter when in need of wise counsel.”
Mr. Samuel T. Philander was too much relieved at
the happy outcome to their adventure to take umbrage at the
professor’s cruel fling. Instead he grasped his friend’s arm and
hastened him forward in the direction of the cabin.
It was a much-relieved party of castaways that
found itself once more united. Dawn discovered them still
recounting their various adventures and speculating upon the
identity of the strange guardian and protector they had found on
this savage shore.
Esmeralda was positive that it was none other than
an angel of the Lord, sent down especially to watch over
them.
“Had you seen him devour the raw meat of the lion,
Esmeralda,” laughed Clayton, “you would have thought him a very
material angel.”
“There was nothing heavenly about his voice,” said
Jane Porter, with a little shudder at recollection of the awful
roar which had followed the killing of the lioness.
“Nor did it precisely comport with my preconceived
ideas of the dignity of divine messengers,” remarked Professor
Porter, “when the—ah—gentleman tied two highly respectable and
erudite scholars neck to neck and dragged them through the jungle
as though they had been cows.”